“Explain it to me. Tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.” It’s not the first time I’ve told her that. All I need is for her to tell me how I can make it better.
“I had to learn to be okay with what I did. Because I survived, I had to live with my choices. My mistakes. But you came along and changed that.”
She’s right. I didn’t understand what she was trying to tell me, but now I do. She wants to give me a family. She’s tried to commit suicide twice that I know of, and now she wants to live. I’ve forced myself into her life and have her hating herself for the choices she made. “What do you want, Eve?” I ask her. Wanting to hear the words. Pushing her a little more.
“I want to give you a family,” she whispers, as if ashamed to admit that. “I want babies. I want baseball practice at five and cheerleading at six. I want a messy home and happy kids. I want you to call in sick on a random Monday because you want to take our family to an overpacked water park.” She gives a small smile, picturing that thought before lowering her voice. “I want a second chance. I want to break the cycle.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.”
Her face falls and she sighs. “That’s impossible, Kash.”
“We’ll adopt,” I tell her. “As many kids as you want. Hell, we can have our own baseball team if you’d like.”
She laughs like I’m joking, and it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. She’s already getting back to herself.
“I’m serious, Eve. Anything you want. I’ll give it to you.” I will make it happen.
FIFTY-FIVE
EVERETT
Ilie awake in bed above Blackout, unable to sleep. I think those two days that I was out have fucked with my sleep schedule. Or it could be because I haven’t had a single sip of alcohol.
I tried to push him away. I thought if I trauma dumped all my problems on him, he’d run away. Yet here we are, in bed, and he’s still snuggling up to my back.
But no sex.
I can’t pretend to understand how he must feel. My father and half brother both raped me. Along with his father. That takes time to process. And when he wakes up, he might change his mind and realize I’m not worth it.
Kashton shifts and lets out a moan that makes my thighs clench. Fuck, I’m so horny.
His cock is right at my ass, and I wish he’d take advantage of me. But it just proves that Kashton is a good guy. He’s nothing like our fathers.
I know about his mother committing suicide and how Isabella punished him when she was training them. I know he has abandonment issues and probably feels alone right now because his brothers have moved on. I’ll be everything he needs.
I’m going to be his Lady, take his last name, and make sure he knows he always has me. No matter what, because that’s what a Lady does. I owe him that. He deserves happiness.
If he wants me to wait on him at home, kneeling on the floor when he walks through the front door, then that’s what I’ll do.
A Lady serves her Lord. No matter what.
I just wish I could give him children. I’ve never felt like less of a woman than I do now. I understand it’s my fault. I chose to do what I did, and I must pay the consequences. I just wish I had met him sooner. That things were different.
“Eve,” he says roughly in my ear, “why areyou still awake?”
I don’t say anything and instead close my eyes.
“I can feel your heart racing, angel,” he states, and I sigh. His hand travels from my waist up over my chest and to my neck. He wraps his fingers around my throat, and I moan, pushing my ass into his cock. “I’m not going to fuck you.”
“Why not?” I whimper, reaching back behind me, between our bodies to find his pierced dick. “You’re hard.” At least I know his body still wants me.
“And I bet you’re wet.”
I roll my eyes, push him away, and turn over to face him. His eyes are open, but he looks tired. I feel bad for him. I just want to make him feel good, and the only way I know how is with my body.
Is this what a healthy relationship looks like? When a man doesn’t want to have sex with you because he wants to let your body rest? I doubt that’s really the reason why. I want him to use me. “Play with me,” I tell him.
His eyes search mine before they drop to my neck and he runs his tatted knuckles down over my breast. Leaning in, I lick my lips before his touch mine.
