“I never sleep that long.”
“I never see you sleep at all.” She laughs.
I look back over at her, and she’s now on her back, hands under her neck, and she’s staring up at me. My eyes drop to her body since I pulled the covers off her when I sat up. I don’t miss the way her soft pink nipples harden when my eyes linger on them. Then they drop to her pierced belly button. I find myself lying down next to her, on my side, my hand propping my head up as the other goes to her stomach.
“Do you want kids?” I’m not sure why I ask, but the conversation I had last night is still fresh on my mind.
“Of course,” she replies as if it wasn’t an odd question. Then she gives a little laugh. “If I had married my Lord, I would probably have at least one by now.”
I frown. “You said you didn’t have a Lord yet.”
She rolls her eyes. “I recently found out that I have one. He’s just…unavailable.”
“What’s that mean?” Who told her this?
“He’s dead.” She turns her head to look up at me, and I know she’s lying. But I don’t push it. As long as she’s in the process of her assignment, she won’t be given to anyone. The Lords have given her to me, and I’m starting to appreciate that. “What about you? Do you want kids?”
“No.”
She frowns at how quickly I answer the question. “Why not?”
“Because children don’t belong in Carnage.” Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy for Saint and Ashtyn, but we were the children raised in that hell, and I don’t want any child to have to endure that. No matter who their fathers are.
“What if your Lady wants a child?” she asks, her voice lower than before. As if she’s afraid to ask.
“I won’t be getting married,” I answer.
“Wait.” She sits up, and my hand falls from her waist. “You have to take a Lady, and you have to reproduce.”
I lie on my back, getting comfortable by propping my head up on the pillow to get a better look at her, but I say nothing.
She goes on at my silence. “Don’t you believe in love?”
I snort at that thought.
She surprises me by getting up and straddling my hips. Her hair falls over her shoulder, and I push it back so I can see her body. My cock instantly hardens underneath her. “Then I feel sorry for you,” she says matter-of-factly.
I laugh, and she slaps my chest playfully. I grab both of her wrists and hold them captive as her eyes meet mine and soften. “In our world, there is nothing but evil.” She licks her lips and sighs. “You are forced to prove you’re worthy for them…and once you have proven yourself, they have the power to take it from you at any given moment. Don’t you want someone you know will love you unconditionally?”
I just stare up at her, hoping she can’t feel my heart racing in my chest.
“Someone who can see who you really are and still accept that?” She tilts her head to the side and smiles. It’s a soft one, but it lights up her pretty face. “Who wouldn’t want to know love in a world full of hate?”
“That’s what you want.” It’s not a question but more of an observation.
I get it. She had a different life than what the Spade brothers and I had. She wasn’t raised in hell. She wasn’t beaten because she didn’t want to hurt another life. She knows she has to prove herself and is willing to do so, but it’s not the same. Letting go of her wrists, I run my knuckles down the side of her face.
Her smile widens, and she corrects me. “It’s what I have.”
“Who?”Her fake boyfriend?I want to tell her that he isn’t going to care about her if he ever finds out who she really is. And if he does, she’ll have to kill him. If she refuses, I’ll do it for her. Because then he’ll be a threat to her.
“My mother and my stepdad.” Her shoulders are back, and her head held high. She’s so proud of that statement.
“Go home…grab your gun and put a bullet in her head while she sleeps.”That’s what her stepdad told me, and I highly doubt she knows what kind of future she has. Does she even know she’s a founder…how much power she truly has? Doubtful.
Her smile falls at my silence, and her eyes drop to my chest, avoiding mine. Sitting up, I cup her face in both of my hands and give her a reassuring smile. “Not everyone is as lucky as you, doll face.” I lie, not wanting to burst her bubble that she thinks she’s safe in.
That smile returns, and her nails softly run up and down my back, making me break out in goose bumps. “You?—”
