“I can’t answer that,” I say honestly.
TAYLOR
I sit on his bed with my knees pulled to my chest and my head resting on my knees. My body shakes as I think of what happened to Case. What happened to his twin sister, Nicole. What she must have gone through. How terrified she must have been.
I feel two strong arms wrap around me, and I wrap my arms around him, welcoming his comfort as I sob into him. Here he is, the one who has this horrible past, and I’m the one who is crying like a child. “I’m so sorry, Case.”
He doesn’t say anything, but what is there for him to say? He’s lived this tragedy. I pull away and look up at him. His dark blue eyes are soft but free of tears. I don’t know how he can retell that story and not cry? Not show emotion to the fact he lost everything.
I reach up and place my hand on his unshaven face. “How can you do that?” I ask in all seriousness.
“Do what?”
I wipe the tears from my face. “Not show emotion. How can you hide what I know you must feel?”
He pulls away from me and gets up off the bed. He stands there as he looks down at me. He doesn’t look mad. He doesn’t look upset. He just looks empty. “I don’t need others to see what I feel inside,” he says flatly.
I get up on my knees as I sniff. “Case,” I say his name softly and then lick my lips. “What you have been through …”
“I’ve dealt with it,” he interrupts me. “That was twelve years ago.”
“I know. But you were alone. Now, you’re not. I don’t want you to hide from me,” I whisper. Is he afraid for me to see him cry? I know it has to still kill him not to know what happened to Nicole. It would eat me up alive.
“You know, I once thought that same thing.” He points a finger at his chest. “I thought I was alone. I thought I had no one. My parents killed themselves.” My chest tightens for him as a knot forms in my throat at how cold his voice sounds. It makes my skin break out in goosebumps. “They couldn’t take one more day of hell. And believe me, Taylor, it was hell.” His chest rises and falls quickly as he takes a deep breath. “You think I didn’t want it to go away?” he asks, and his dark eyebrows pull together. “You think I didn’t ask God why he let that happen to my family? What I had done wrong? I wanted a way out,” he admits. “I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I tried …” He reaches up and runs a hand through his dark hair. “The thing was I couldn’t hate my parents for what they did. I wanted to do it.” His hands fall to his side, and he shakes his head. “I wanted to end the nightmares,” he whispers.
“What are you saying, Case?” My voice shakes as tears run down my face once again.
He lifts his head to look at me and those dark blue eyes are still free of tears. “I wanted to end my life. I was so close too.” I place a hand over my mouth in shock. “I stood in the pouring down rain with my father’s gun, the same one he used to take his life, ready to end my own. They had been gone for two weeks, and I was tired. So tired … I just wanted a way out. But Brecken showed up just in time and stopped me.” He shakes his head. “Do you know what that feels like? To feel so helpless that the only way out is to die?” he asks.
I shake my head as I get out of the bed. I walk up to him. I go to hug him, but he places his hands out, stopping me. “Don’t,” he demands. “I don’t want your pity,” he says harshly. “I’m not that man anymore.” He fists his hands down by his side. “At that very second, I made a decision. A decision to save lives,” he says softly. “To make a difference.” He hangs his head. “But I live a lie,” he whispers. “Nothing I do makes it better. The pain remains. I’ve just become numb to it.”
I very slowly lift my hands up to him as I hold my breath, praying that he doesn’t push me away this time. “Look at me. Please,” I beg. When he finally does, I take a deep breath as I look into the dark blue eyes I have fallen in love with, and it makes my chest tighten at what they must have seen. “You have saved a life. My life,” I remind him. “And I’m sure countless others.” His eyes roam my face before returning to mine. “And as far as making a difference.” I swallow. “You have made a difference. I will never be the same, Case. Because I fell in love with you.”
He reaches up and cups my face in his hands. “I’ve killed men,” he admits. “No matter how many times I try and wash clean, blood still remains on my hands.”
I bite my bottom lip as I remember watching him lift his gun and shooting that man in the alley in order to save me.
“You can’t stand there and tell me that’s okay.” I go to open my mouth, but he continues. “I make friends with the bad guys in order to get what I want.” He takes a long, deep breath. “And you know what? I don’t regret one bit of it. But do you know what I do regret?” He removes one hand from my face and runs it through my messy hair.
I shake my head slowly. “I regret you.”
My stomach drops, and I feel like my world just stops. My lips part but nothing comes out.
I go to step away from him, but he reaches out and grabs me. “I regret I lied to you,” he whispers. “I regret I didn’t meet you sooner.” Fresh tears start to sting my eyes. “I regret I allowed any man ever hurt you.” He reaches up and wipes the single tear from my cheek. “I regret I can’t be the man that you deserve.”
“What?” I ask in disbelief. “Case, you are …”
“I forced Mr. Binsen to fire you,” he announces.
“What?” I ask pulling away from him. I must have heard him wrong.
His hands fall to his side. “When you called me and told me that you were broke down on the side of the road, I panicked because my first thought was what happened to my sister. That’s why I told you to get in your car and not to let anyone help you. I knew at that very second I had to do something drastic to keep you close to me. For me to keep an eye on you. As soon as I hung up the phone, I called your boss and threatened him. He’s a buyer of mine, and he chose my drug over his best employee. That’s when I realized I was the only one who could save you from a world dependent on their next high.”
I stare up at him wide-eyed and half-dazed. “You set all of this up?” I ask in disbelief.
“I did,” he admits, and all I can do is shake my head at him.
“You planned all of this?” My brows pull together. This can’t be happening.
