Fuck me! It feels huge. I’ve never seen one in person before, let alone felt one. My heart races in my chest as I wonder if I can pull this off. How painful it’s going to be. I’ve heard horror stories about it from girls at school. I may have had a few drinks, but I’m not drunk enough to numb the pain.
“Fuck.” He groans, pushing his hips forward, and all nervousness disappears.
I can do this. I take in a deep breath to slow my racing heart. “Yes, please …”
His lips capture mine, and we stumble backward. I hear his jeans hit the floor when the back of my knees hit Becky’s bed. “I Don’t Even Care About You” by MISSIO plays in the house as he crawls on top of me. I’ve already shoved my underwear down my legs to make things easier for him. I feel his finger between my legs. He shoves one into me, and I arch my back. I’m already so wet for him. Just like I was at Silence and when he snuck into my house. Just like I am every single time he enters my mind.
I hear what sounds like a wrapper of some kind, and I take a deep breath, guessing it’s a condom. This is about to happen. I’m going to have sex with Deke Biggs in my sister’s bed. Boy, that’ll piss her off.
He positions himself between my shaking legs and spreads them wide. I feel his head push against my entrance. I take in a deep breath, and he pushes forward. I cry out as a hot, quick pain shoots through me, taking my breath away.
“Fuck, Demi!” He gives a deep groan. “God, you feel …” His hips press forward, going deeper, and I feel pressure.
“Deke ...” I gasp, closing my eyes, and dig my nails into his back, clinging to him for life.
“Incredible.” He finishes.
I’m trembling and can’t stop. Tears sting my eyes. He pulls out, and I whimper before he enters me again. My breath gets caught in my throat. He places his arms behind my legs and spreads me open even further, and I scream as he leans forward, pressing his chest into mine.
“Fuck, yeah, baby. Open up for me.” His hands grip my hair, and he yanks my head back to expose my neck to him. For a second, I can’t breathe. All I feel is a burning sensation between my legs until he moves. Really begins to move. And then a feeling that I’ve never felt before replaces the pain. Tears of pain and unexpected pleasure run down my face as I lie there and let him have his way with me.
Deke did exactly what I needed him to do. I was hoping that he wasn’t going to ask me to take control because then I’d be fucked. He’d have known then that I lacked experience. I was banking on the fact that he’s a take-charge kind of guy in the bedroom and, thank God, I wasn’t wrong.
I came twice. I had never come so hard. It felt like getting caught under a tidal wave. You try to come up for air just as another one hits you. He was drowning me in pleasure, and I would have died happily.
Then after he was done, I lay in my sister’s bed pretending to be asleep so he would leave me alone. Again, I prayed he would. I didn’t need him to cuddle me or profess his love to me. It was just sex. And I needed him to leave the moment he got his.
After he exited the room, I got up and turned on the light to inspect the damage. I hadn’t bled all that bad. I was worried about that because I didn’t want him to notice it. I was afraid the blood would make it feel different to him, but maybe he didn’t notice due to the condom.
I lock her door, just to make sure no one comes in here, and survey the room. He left his boxers on the floor along with the condom.
I walk over to the desk that sits in the corner and rip open a drawer to grab a black Sharpie. Then I go back over to her bed and look down at the sheets. They’re mainly just wet from sweat and my come. I grab the sheet and rub it between my legs, trying to be gentle since I’m sore as fuck. I smile when it shows a little more blood on it. I throw his boxers along with the used condom on the now wet and bloody sheets and climb onto the bed. Placing the end of the Sharpie in my mouth, I bite on the lid to remove it and write.
Dear Sis,
I gave him something you never could—innocence.
DEMI
Sophomore year
I wake up with a pounding headache. Rolling over onto my side, a moan escapes my cracked lips.
“Just what the fuck did you think you were doing?” I hear Eli snap. Did he take me home?
I blink, trying to take in my surroundings. I’m in a boy’s room. The clothes thrown on the floor and lack of anything remotely girly give me the first clue. The second is his black hoodie and black bag both sitting on a chair. My memory is a little foggy. How did I get here?
“Oh, come on—”
“No!” He interrupts the girl’s voice. “She could have died.”
I shove off the covers and make my way across the room on shaky legs. My mouth is dry and my head pounds. Cracking the door open, I look at Eli standing by the front door. My sister stands before him on the front porch.
She rolls her eyes. “We were just having some fun.”
“We? David knew what you did?” He growls.
“No. It was Maxwell.”
