Idon’t know how long I stand there. Watching.
It’s Kym’s hand that slips into mine. Warm, trembling. That small touch, so human, so quiet, is what gets me to move.
I let go of her and cross the grass, slow at first, wondering if maybe I’m making a mistake. But neither Christian nor Liam stop me. They both glance up, their eyes rimmed red, but say nothing.
Kai doesn’t look at me. Doesn’t react when I crouch down beside him.
And I stay there for a beat, just watching him in profile. His lashes are damp. His mouth is slightly open, and his skin is too pale beneath the streaks of blood and shadow.
I can’t help it.
I reach out, slowly, carefully, and tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear.
Still no reaction.
“Kai,” I whisper.
That gets something. A flicker. A twitch of his jaw. But still, no words.
And then, with a steadiness I didn’t know I had left, I lean forward and wrap my arms around him.
It takes a moment. At first, he just sits there, completely rigid, but then, slowly, I feel the faintest shift in his body. Hischin drops softly against my shoulder, not quite an embrace, but something close.
My eyes sting. My throat clenches.
I press my hand to the back of his head and gently smooth his hair down, over and over. I don’t even know why I do it.
Maybe I hope for it to stop the shaking.
Maybe I do it to soothe the grief out of his skin.
Or maybe… maybe I do it simply because I love him and seeing him like this hurts more than anything ever has.
I don’t say it aloud.
I couldn’t, even if I tried.
But I think it with every heartbeat.
Every breath I take that he doesn’t.
Every time I press my fingers into his hair and hope, uselessly, that he’ll come back from wherever he’s gone.
I love him.
God, I love him.
Even when I shouldn’t.
I close my eyes, my cheek against his hair, and I think:
If I could take some of it from you, I would.
Even just a fraction.
Even just for a little while.
But I don’t say that either.
