When I’d finally calmed down, when Will had loosened his grip and let me go, I’d told Kym I needed air. A breather. I don’t think she believed me, but she didn’t stop me either. I shoved my ruined shoes on and slipped out the door.
I don’t know why I took those battered Converse. Naomi’s trainers were right there by the stairs. Sam’s, too. Better ones. Whole. Ones that wouldn’t hurt the back of my heel as I walk or let in the cold through the worn soles. But I laced mine up anyway. Maybe because they were mine. Maybe because it was easier than pretending to deserve anything else.
I don’t even know why I’m still here at all.
There’s an old bench a little way down the street that looks like it’s peeling, but I sit on it anyway, feeling the wood press against my spine.
My father is gone. My brother is gone. And now, my mother, too.
Although, truthfully, I suppose I’d already grieved her years ago. The day my father died, she died too. I know that. But there’s no funeral for the version of a person that dies with someone else. No service. No headstone. Not even when parts of who they are begin to disappear, bit by bit, until there’s nothing left.
So, I just sit there. On the bench. In silence.
It’s strange how silence can sound like someone. How the absence of a voice can still fill a space.
And now, it’s all I hear.
I pull my knees up onto the bench, chin resting on them, and slip a hand into my pocket for my headphones. But just as I’m about to plug them in, my phone buzzes.
I frown, drag it out, thumb swiping across the screen, but when I see who it’s from, I freeze.
Unknown Number:Such a pity about your mother.
My breath stalls.
Another buzz.
Unknown Number:Don’t hunch your shoulders like that. You’ll ruin your posture.
My blood runs cold. My shoulders are hunched.
My spine jerks straight like a string pulled taut, and I whip my head around, scanning the empty street, the dark windows, the rows of parked cars. My lungs feel tight, like I can’t drag in enough air.
I’m on my feet before I can think, shoes scraping against the pavement. My pulse is so loud I almost don’t hear the quiet click as my phone lights up again in my hand.
I start walking fast. Too fast. My eyes dart left, then right, then left again.
A sharp bark rips through the street. I jolt, whipping my head toward the sound. A dog, somewhere down the road. It flashes its teeth before it vanishes behind a fence. My own yelp echoes embarrassingly out of me, and my heart slams against my ribs.
I spin back around and keep going, faster this time, suddenly hyperaware of every sound. Every movement. The high, rusty creak of a swing set rocking in the empty playground across the street. The twitch of a curtain in the corner house.
And then…
A crunch.
Gravel. Behind me.
I turn so fast my vision blurs, my breath clawing out of my chest. Nothing. Just the long stretch of road. Just the sound of the wind.
Buzz.
Unknown Number:Wrong way.
My eyes go wide, my throat suddenly feeling raw. I don’t even have time to move before another message comes through.
Unknown Number:If you run now, I’ll give you five seconds.
The phone trembles in my grip. My fingers are ice.
