Shepushedme.
Footsteps crash down the stairs, suddenly too loud for my ears to withstand. I hear her voice next, frantic and desperate. “Addie! Oh my god, Addie, I’m so sorry!”
Sorry.Sorry?The word practically taunts me, and I let out a bitter, broken laugh before I can stop myself. Now she’s sorry? After everything—after all the years of blame and silence and being left alone in my own pain.
Another breath. Another step. My legs feel like they might give out, but I make them move. I push myself upright, biting back a groan as I do so. My head swims. Every inch of me throbs. Even my teeth.
In conclusion, I’m really not okay and everything hurts.
I sit there for a moment, trying to catch my breath, my hands shaking against the floor as the world tilts and sways around me.When I finally stand, the ache in my back pulses, and my legs buckle, but I force them to hold me. I clench my jaw to keep from crying out. I won’t give her that.
“Addie, please.” Naomi’s voice trembles as she approaches. She looks wrecked—her eyes swollen, tears streaking her face, her lips trembling as if she’s about to apologize again. I can’t tell if she’s trying to fix this or trying to make herself feel better. Either way, it doesn’t matter. She’s broken in a way I’ve never seen before, but I can’t bring myself to care right now. I don’t know why she’s crying.
I take a shaky step forward, the floor lurching beneath me. I’m convinced that if I take another one, I might actually throw up. I feel the nausea twist and churn in my stomach, but I swallow it down. As much as I’d love to let it all out right now, our carpet can’t afford it.
“Don’t bother,” I mutter. My voice is hoarse, as if it’s been scraped raw. “Just… leave me alone.”
Her face crumples. “Addie, please. Let me help.” The desperation in her voice is almost unbearable. Almost. But I don’t want it. Not now. Not after everything.
“Your help,” I say quietly, tasting blood and betrayal in my mouth. “is the last thing I need right now.”
She blinks, stunned, but I hold her gaze.
“Addie…” Her voice cracks, cracks like glass you fling and jump on until it’s only small, pathetic pieces. “Please, Addie…” Her voice is barely a whisper now. “We’re going to be late to school.”
And I know she’s right; I can’t miss school. I can’t afford it when I’m already so behind. I’m just going to have to suck it up. Somehow. Just going to have to go about my day like my body isn’t shrieking in pain. Like I didn’t just fall down an entire staircase after being shoved by my own sister.
But there’s no way I’m going with Naomi right now.
“Go, then,” I say flatly. My voice, nothing. Nothing at all. “Leave.”
Naomi hesitates, her face crumpling further. She looks like she’s on the verge of arguing, or rather, begging. But she doesn’t. Instead, she takes a slow step back. Then another. I watch as she turns and walks away, not once looking back.
I suppose I should be relieved.
Alone now, I sink down to the floor, I let myself collapse. I slide down the wall until I hit the floor, my back pressed against the cool surface. The cold seeps into my skin, doing nothing to numb the pain.
Nothing will right now. My legs are trembling. My ribs ache with every breath.
I close my eyes and let my mind drift in the stillness. For some reason, I think of Dad.
What would he think of this?
He would have known what to do.
I remember his voice, the softness in his words, the way he always seemed to know how to mend us. He always knew exactly what to say.
And now he’s gone. Nothing more than a fragment of a memory. A blurry picture in my mind. A fading photograph I can barely bring into focus. A story.
One day, it will blur to the point of nothing. I will slowly forget his voice. His face.
Maybe I’m already forgetting.
But then I remember Mason.
He would probably laugh if he knew about this, or worse, ignore it like it was beneath him. I should hate him for what he did. Ididhate him. And yet, I could never make myself leave. Or say anything to anyone.
And so, I remained. In the cell of a person that was my brother. But not because I was weak, but because in some ways, the pain felt familiar. Like a song I’d known my whole life.
