It’s deep in the night, a little before three, and the house is silent. Through the dark, I glance at the slightly open door, a sliver of light shining through. Grizz bought a ton of night lights that he put in every outlet he saw, in case I need, to get up in the middle of the night. There’s also a clock in the room now, too.
Always so thoughtful.
The hallway looks like a runway, so he may as well have just left the lights on. I think it’s adorable, and endearing, and I truly love how much he takes care of me. I’ve never had this before, and though sometimes it feels strange, I know it’s because it’s new. It’s also hard to believe.
At times, something niggles at me, telling me not to trust it—that he’s only doing it because he wants something from me. But I quiet that voice as soon as I hear it, because that’s just Grizz. He’s a good man. There is just something about him that makes me feel comfortable around him and trust him, despite being in the MC. I felt the same way about Kolton. Maybe I have good instincts. Maybe I’ve been around bad people for so long that it’s easy to tell when they aren’t, rather than thinkingeveryoneis bad. I’ve been around bad energy for so long, the good is obvious. Or maybe I have super powers from being pregnant. I’ll never know, but whatever it is, I’m going to listen to it.
Kolton and Grizz have kept their promise to keep me safe. They both have done everything they can to make sure I am taken care of. They bought me clothes and food. They provided me with a doctor, who still comes to visit, since I can’t go to the hospital because of the Iron Runners. They have people there, who no doubt have been alerted of me and my… situation.
I was really hoping to get a good night’s sleep tonight, because tomorrow is a big day. We’re going shopping for the baby. It’s a long drive, since Grizz argued we needed to go further away to decrease the risk of running into someone who may recognize me. I hate thatthat’sthe reason we have to go further away. Is this what my life is going to be like for the rest of it? Will I always be running from them? Hiding out? How will I survive? How will my child go to school and live their life, knowing someone will always be hunting them?
It’s things I shouldn’t worry myself with. Not now. We’re not there yet. I didn’t get this far by worrying about the future. I take one day at a time—and most of the time, it’s all I can handle.
I toss and turn until the room starts to brighten, the thick curtains holding back most of the light, but not all of it. The cramps haven’t gotten any worse, but not any better either. It’s bound to happen now that I’m getting closer. I’ve wondered a few times if this is labor, but isn’t my water supposed to break? I’m sure if this was actual labor, the pain would be worse. It’s probably just my body preparing for the baby to come. So, likely soon, but not right now.
The pain settles enough somewhere around seven, and I drift off into sleep. I vaguely feel Grizz’s lips press to my head, as they do so often.
I can’t begin to explain how much I love when he does that. He does it when I’m awake too, but mostly when I’m sleeping—or when he thinks I’m sleeping. Maybe it’s because he thinks I would tell him not to if I were awake, but I did kiss him the other day, and there is no way I’m stopping head kisses. They’re the sweetest.
I can’t stop thinking about our kiss, as simple as it was.
It was the first time I kissed someone willingly, someone Iwantedto kiss. It was beautiful. My entire body was warm, and I felt lighter than I ever have before.
I fall back to sleep thinking about kissing Grizz and wake up around noon.
The house is still quiet and peaceful, nothing but the soft creaking of floorboards as I walk to the bathroom. Though it’s quiet, I know I’m not alone. They would never leave me alone.
But what if—no.
I can’t think like that. I can’t think the worst. It’s not good for me, and it’s certainly not good for my baby.
I’m safe.
There is food waiting for me in the oven, according to the yellow sticky note attached to the microwave above the stove. I take an oven mitt and pull the food out, and a rhythmic clanking has me peeking out the window.
Tommy is banging a large wooden post into the ground, while Kelsey stands back, watching with her fists on her hips.
They are such a sweet couple. So perfect for one another. Their relationship is easy, and they work together like a well-oiled machine. She is so interested in this baby and has been doing everything she can to help. Which is why she’s so excited about going shopping for the baby today. If I can get another quick nap in after eating, I may feel well enough to go. I don’t want to push myself, but I also don’t want to let anyone down.
And… the baby does need things. Things that I was told I am not paying for, which is a whole other situation. No one wants to hear a word about me complaining about money. I appreciate it, but it feels weird. I’m not contributing, and I don’t like that.
I sit at the table and eat, just looking around the kitchen and enjoying the peace. The pancakes are dry from sitting in the warm oven, but I douse them with butter and syrup, and it makes up for it.
Nothing about this house says that a big bad biker lives here. It’s very rustic, very homey. Probably because most everything here is from Grizz’s parents—this is the house he grew up in. Or maybe this is just what he likes. Grizz is so much more than what he seems on the surface. I don’t know what he’s like with the club, and it’s hard to imagine him being anything other than the way I’ve seen him, but I’m certain he’s different there. I’m okay with that. I’m okay with him being kind to me, then being rough with others, because I do believe the Hell’s Mayhem are different from the Iron Runners. They do good—or at least, they want to. They try.
When I’m finished eating, I make a cup of coffee, and stand by the sink to watch Tommy and Kelsey work outside while I drink it.
Kelsey mentioned she wanted a garden, and so Tommy bought everything he needed to make one. Just like they came home with a ton of bird houses and food, because she said she wanted to feed them and give them a place to sleep. We painted them all last Sunday. Tommy and Grizz are going to coat them with some weatherproof stuff before putting the houses in the trees and the feeders around the yard.
She really loves being here, since she’s lived in Florida her whole life, in the big city of Miami. I’ve heard of it, and maybe one day I’d like to visit to feel the heat that’s always mentioned and see the ocean. I’ve never seen the ocean before, which is sad, considering I’ve always lived on the east coast—not far from it at all.
Kelsey throws her head back and laughs so loudly the sound floats through the closed window and into the kitchen. Tommy smiles as he walks to her, pulling her in for a hug. They kiss, and though I should look away, I don’t. I can’t.
My chest gets tingly, and something almost like nausea settles in my stomach.
Jealousy.
There’s nothing to be jealous of, though. I haven’t gotten by in life by being jealous of what other people have. Especially lately. I’m thankful and grateful to be free, to have the chance at a real life, to have a child. There’s no room for jealousy, and there’s no need for it either.
