So if he does have a girl, maybe he isn’t as sweet as I think he is.
Or maybe he is an offering from the universe. An apology. Something to make my life right after giving me so much pain for so long. He could be a good thing.
I deserve good things.
I don’t know how to have good things, though. I don’t know how to have a normal life. I don’t know how to function in society, not after the way I grew up, and what I went through.
Something tells me Grizz has the patience to show me. I can learn; I know I can.
I glance down at my belly, running my hand over it.
My baby needs a normal life, which means I need to do whatever it takes to make that happen. They don’t deserve the issues that my trauma left me with. They’re mine to bear, not theirs. And that doesn’t mean I have to settle down with the first guy who is nice to me. I know that. Of course, I know that.
But this isn’t that. What I’m feeling toward Grizz isn’t just because he was nice to me, it was the way he made me feel when he looked at me, held me, smiled at me.
Though, this could all be in my head.
Maybe I’ve lost my mind completely.
I blow out a heavy sigh and get up from the couch to head into the dining room to the large windows that overlook the front yard. To the left are a bunch of trees, while ahead is the dirt driveway that leads to the main road. To the right is where the yard is. The large open field that a child would love to run around in.
Will this be where my child grows up? Am I going to be stuck in this house with a man who doesn’t want me here? He can hardly stand my mess; how will he handle the mess a child makes?
When I was younger, before I stopped allowing myself to dream, I would imagine a messy house with laughing babies and a smiling husband. I’d painted myself a beautiful picture, one that was snuffed out by the cruelty of the world.
Yet, here I am. There’s a chance right in front of me.
Maybe I’m just too scared to take it.
The morning quickly turns into afternoon, which turns into evening. I don’t have the energy to make dinner today. In fact, I’ve been craving pizza. I’m not sure if there is a place in town that delivers, and I’m not supposed to open the door for anyone, anyway. Also, I don’t have any money.
I’m free, but I’m still a prisoner.
Dr. Carter brought groceries for me yesterday, while Kolton was away. He comes to visit often during the day, and I assume that when Kolton says not to open the door, he doesn’t mean for the doctor because he knows he stops by.
I’m very much appreciating the food today, because I haven’t wanted to make a real meal all day. I’ve been munching on chips, crackers, cheese, yogurt, and fruit. It’s not as filling as a meal, but it’s hitting the spot.
I’ve just gotten comfortable on the couch when the doorbell rings. It’s hard to hear from here, since it sounds through the panel which is by the door, but the TV is low enough that I didn’tmiss it. I assume it’s the doctor again, but that doesn’t stop the anxiety from coming forth.
The panel beside the door is lit up, only it isn’t showing me the older, well-dressed gentleman that is Lucian Carter. It’s showing me a sweet, giant of a man that I haven’t been able to get off my mind. I pull the door open before I think better of it.
His head turns to me, and though I expect a smile, that’s not what I get. Instead, it’s like all the wind is knocked out of him. His eyes widen slightly, lips part.
I could really get used to this reaction from a man. Fromhim.
“Hi,” I say.
That’s when the smile comes, his eyes flicking to mine.
“How are you?” he asks, voice husky.
“I’ve had better days.”
His brow furrows. “What’s wrong?”
“Just tired today.”
“Oh… I can go—”
