My stomach drops, and I’m on my feet. “What’s wrong?”
“No, nothing like that,” she says. “I’m okay, just… not okay.”
“Oh…” I sigh, sitting back down. I get comfortable against the headboard. I miss doing this for her to lay her head on my chest or my thigh. “Me too.”
“I’m sorry about earlier.”
“So am I.”
“It’s not fair of me to not hear you out.”
Hope blooms in my chest. Is she finally going to listen to me? Will she finally listen to the full story? At least then, we can move forward. We have to.
“All right,” I say, not sure what else to say but needing to break the silence.
“I’m willing to listen, but that doesn’t make everything okay. I still need to figure this all out.”
“I understand.”
There’s more silence, so I add, “Thank you for this, Angel. I just want you to know the truth.”
“I’m listening.”
Taking a deep breath, I let it out and run a hand through my hair. I put the phone on speaker and lay it on my chest, so I can talk freely and stop focusing on my shaking hands.
“I lied to you about where I was and what I was doing, but at no point, not even for a second, was I with another woman,” I explain. “You have to believe me about that, Angel. Please. If there’s anything you can do for me, please just tell me you understand that I would never cheat on you.”
“I… think I do. But please keep going.”
One step at a time. Maybe once she gets all of the information, it’ll all make sense to her and she will understand.
“I know you told me to let it be, that you just wanted to move on, but I couldn’t bear to know he was out there living his life while you were living yours in fear. And don’t—” I add quickly, knowing she’s going to tell me she wasn’t. “—tell me you weren’t. I know you, Angel. I know you’re strong, but I also know deep down you were scared of him coming back to take our daughter. I was too.”
There’s a shaky breath on the other end of the phone, but still, I keep going. I figure she’s going to be upset during this conversation, and not that I want her to be, but at least she’s listening.
“I know I shouldn’t have lied, and I felt awful about it every day, but I needed him to suffer. I needed him gone. I should have done it sooner and then things wouldn’t have happened the way they did, but… you have to know, and I swear on everything that I am not lying about this, but he came to us first.”
“What?” she breathes out in disbelief. “What does that mean?”
Maybe I shouldn’t have kept this from her then, but I felt it was best at the time, and there’s nothing I can do about it now.
“Tommy and I caught him on the cameras. He was at the house, checking it out. He mustn’t have known that we had cameras up. Tommy saw footprints in the snow one morning.That’s why we put up the cameras. We knew someone had been there, and when I found out it was him… I lost it. Knowing he was that close, thinking he could come ontoourproperty to scare you or take her or do who the fuck knows what? I just lost it, Angel. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about the lying part, but I couldn’t help myself. I had to get rid of him. I couldn’t let him live.”
I’m met with silence, and I look down to check the call to make sure she didn’t hang up. Thankfully, she didn’t.
“Angel?”
“I’m here,” she whispers.
I wait a beat, then say, “That’s the truth. That’s what happened. I know part of it is my fault, but I swear, I was only doing it to protect you. I shouldn’t have lied, and I should have killed him sooner. Those are the two things I’m sorry for.” I shift on the bed, sitting up straight. “And I need you to forgive me because I can’t take any more of this. I miss you, and I miss our baby, and I just want you home.” My voice cracks at the end, my throat closing up with emotion. “I wish you were here,” I add. “I want to hold you. Kiss you. I fucking miss you, Angel. Please come home to me.Please.”
I stare into the darkness of my room as I wait for her to give me an answer.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” I repeat, shooting up.
“Yeah, okay.”
