“I’m late,” I mutter. “I’m amonthlate.”
“That can be normal,” he says calmly. “After having a child, it’s usually off.”
“No, it’s not that. I…” I look up at him feeling frantic. “It doesn’t feel right.”
He nods understandingly. “Would you like me to pick you up a test to ease your mind?”
I break down in tears then, and Lucian grabs me before I fall to the floor. He gets me to the bed and I lie down, hugging the pillow.
“Why do I keep doing this to myself?” I cry. “Why do I keep getting into these positions?”
“You don’t know anything for sure,” Lucian says, running his hand through my hair soothingly. “It could be nothing.”
“It’s not,” I sob. “I just know it. This is just my luck. How do I do this? How can I handle having two babiesalone?”
“You’re not alone, Anastacia,” he says firmly. “You have me and Kolton, and Tommy and Kelsey, and all the other guys in the club. Not to mention Grizz. Just because you two aren’t together, doesn’t mean he won’t help you. You know he will. He’s a good man.”
All I can do is cry, because I used to think that. Once upon a time, I thought he was a good man. And maybe for a short time, he was. But then his true colors came out. They always do.
I stare down at the pregnancy test, unable to breathe. I’ve been holding my breath for so long I don’t know how I haven’t passed out yet. How embarrassing it would be to pass out on the toilet. Of course, I’d start breathing again and come to, but maybe not before one of them came in to check on me and find me on the floor with my pants down.
Though, I’m not sure why I’m worried about that. They both saw me give birth. This is nothing compared to that. But that’s the least of my concerns, because according to this pregnancy test, I’m pregnant.
Nearly four months after giving birth, I’m pregnant again—with a man I’m not with, and I guess the only good thing this time is that I wasn’t forced into it.
God, that’s terrible. I shouldn’t say things like that, but I’m just so stressed out! Of course this baby is a blessing. They will be loved, just as Dorothea is, and I know without a doubt that if I let Grizz in, he would be in this baby’s life, along with Dorothea’s. I’m the one keeping him away, not the other way around.
I’m not thinking clearly. I’m stressed out and I don’t know how to handle any of this. It’s too much, and all I want to do is sleep and cry. Sleep and cry. Sleep and cry.
But I have a baby relying on me. My daughter is relying on me to take care of her, and I have to be strong for her.
I can do this.
I take a deep breath, and get off the toilet, putting the test on the counter top and then washing my hands.
I know what I need to do next. Even if I really don’t want to, it’s what I have to do.
I have to talk to Grizz.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Grizz
I take another shot, though I’m certain it’ll do nothing. I’m so fucked in the head that no matter how much I drink, I’m not getting drunk. I’m not forgetting my problems, just getting a sour stomach.
“Why the fuck ain’t this working?” I grumble, slamming the glass on the counter top.
“Chill out with that shit,” Trudy says. “You’re going to break the damn thing.”
I grunt in response, as she walks over to fill it up again.
She’s the bartender at our bar—has been for years. No one disrespects her; we all know better than that. She’s here every day, serving us up, and outside of her pay check, she asks for nothing.
The front door opens and closes loudly, and then someone sits beside me. I know by the size alone that it’s Snapper.
“How is she?” I ask, reaching for the glass of amber liquid but not bringing it to my lips.
“You want the honest truth?”
