Dorothea starts to fuss just as I put it into the oven, and I put the timer on before heading to her room.
Grizz is already in there, picking her up. I stand in the doorway, watching him with her and tears sting my eyes. His back is mostly to me, so I don’t think he can see me. All I see are her little feet—one of which is missing a sock. He’s rocking her,talking to her softly. Seeing this giant of a man, who has done some pretty messed up things in life, be so sweet and soft for a baby,mybaby, is by far one of the greatest things to ever see.
I am so lucky.
So damn lucky.
All the bad shit I’ve been through doesn’t matter anymore. This is what matters. My two loves. My family. My life.
I take a step into the room but then think better of it and go back to the kitchen. Letting him spend time with her on his own is good for both of them. I know he loves being helpful, and I’d bet anything he’ll come walking into the kitchen, smiling a mile wide with her in his arms.
I start a pot of coffee and get our mugs ready as I watch the outside world brighten. It does so quickly, the white of the snow reflecting the light from the sun coming up.
The coffee machine spits and hisses as it finishes brewing, and I fill each mug, then add creamer to mine and a little milk to Grizz’s. I hear his heavy feet on the floor, and turn just in time for him to walk in.
His grin, like I thought it would be, is a mile wide.
“There’s mama,” he says to Dorothea while looking at me.
She’s been changed into the Christmas outfit I picked out for her.
Well, one of two. I couldn’t pick between them!
“She looks so cute!” I say, walking to them and looking down at her.
“Of course she does.”
I take her from Grizz, holding her up so I can get a good look at the outfit. It’s a red plaid jumper with a white long-sleeved shirt underneath. The leggings are a little loose, and Grizz folded up the bottoms because I guess they’re long too.
“You’re the most beautiful girl ever.” I kiss her head.
“Don’t forget about you.” Grizz kisses mine. “Merry Christmas, Angel.”
I smile up at him, then pucker my lips. He kisses me again. “Merry Christmas, baby.”
Grizz goes to the counter to pick up his coffee. “What are you cooking? It smells good.”
“Found a recipe for this French Toast Bake thing. It looked good.”
I sit at the kitchen table and fix my shirt so I can feed Dorothea. Grizz comes over, putting my coffee in front of me, then sits on the other side.
The table is big enough for the four of us to eat, and we have our own seats now. Once Dorothea gets older, we’ll make room for her. The dining room is too fancy to eat in there, unless…
“What do you think about redoing the dining room one day?”
“Redoing it how?” he asks, not giving away what he thinks about it.
“Less… formal. Something that we can use and not feel weird about.”
He chuckles as he brings the mug to his lips, taking a sip. “I think that sounds great. Look up some dining sets that you like.”
“What do you want to do with that one? Will you store it somewhere?”
“Probably just get rid of it.”
“But I thought it was your parents’?”
I take a sip of my own coffee, that’s just the perfect temperature.
