Another damn alarm goes off on his phone. I look down and see a very familiar set of dining chairs flash onto the screen of Cipher’s phone.
And then the screen flashes white.
It takes a minute for my brain to catch up with what my eyes are telling me. My eyes are wide, and my heart beats wildly.
My spine goes rigid. “You set up cameras in my place in the city?” The fury burns fast and bright, slicing through any remaining haze of pleasure. “Jesus, Cipher, were you planning to spy on me for the rest of my life?”
He meets my eyes and I see the wounded, guilt crawling over his expression. “I had to make sure you were okay. After we ended, from time to time I checked in on you. Hacking your security system was easy enough, and it gave me the calm I needed at times.” He drops his head in his hands and tugs at his hair before finding my gaze again.
“Fuck, Harlow, I couldn’t walk away. I needed to know you were safe.”
“Why didn’t you do the normal thing and reach out and call me? You could have spoken to me at any time in the last three years, but instead you decided to break into my security system?”
“And I would do it again."
I push the covers off, not caring about modesty, shoving up from the bed and grabbing a shirt off the floor. “You don’t get to just drop into my life and check up on me whenever you want. You don’t get to break my heart, disappear but keep tabs on me whenever you feel like it.”
I grab the phone off the bed where I dropped it and look at the screen. I turn it around so he can see what I do. “Here, if you’re so interested in my life, we can watch it burn down together. Kinda fitting after a night like tonight.”
We both watch for a couple of heartbeats as fire consumes my living room. Or whatwasmy living room. Flames lick up the walls of my place back in New Orleans, eating everything in its path.
I slice a hand in the air between us. “This has to end.”
“I agree! You go your way and I’ll go mine.”
Cipher grabs my shoulders and shakes me until my mouth stops working, and he has my attention.
“No, that’s not what I meant. Killing the man you fought and torching your place means they have what they need to find you. Don’t you get it. Did you have evidence of this place on paper anywhere in your house?”
I feel the blood drain from my face. “Yes.” I fall onto the edge of the bed, my mind racing with possible scenarios.
“He’s coming here. If Grudge brings his army of misfit fuckers, we are doomed. I can call in backup, but it would take too long to get anyone here. We are going to die and I still don’t know why you walked away from me.” I silently want to kick my own ass for sounding so weak. But the heart wants what it wants. My bravado is fierce, but on the inside, I want to be the damsel in distress. It’s just never been who I am.
He drags a hand through his hair, exhaling hard. “You want the truth? Fine. I’ll give you all of it.” His eyes glitter, reflecting the fires of hell that must be burning up his soul. I realize he’s shaking. There are almost invisible tremors running through his body, but I can read him better than anyone.
“Three years ago, I walked out because I was afraid. I was afraid of what loving you would cost me. And what it would cost you.” He stalks across the room, stopping just shy of touching me. His voice is a low, rough growl. “You had transfer papers for New York City on your vanity table the night before our wedding. There’s no way I could have gone with you given my brothers were here. And there’s no way you could have stayed if you wanted your career. My world, my family, my brotherhood… none of it would ever let you be safe or happy. I thought cutting ties was the only way to protect you. I didn’t know how to balance both you and the Savages once they patched me in and I knew you could lose your job if anyone discovered you were engaged to a rogue Savage.”
The truth lands like a punch in my gut. “So you left. You didn’t even give me a chance to offer what I wanted? You just decided for the both of us.” Rage, betrayal, and grief pump into my veins. My hands ball into fists.
He nods, not blinking, as if he’s forcing himself to stand in the fire and look at the damage he left in his wake. “Yeah. I made the choice for both of us. It was wrong, but I’d do it again if it meant you could have the life you wanted without risking it by being connected to a criminal like me. You think the FBI would have turned their cheek? No, they would have judged you and let you go because of me. I couldn’t have that.”
Something hot and wild breaks loose inside me. I cross the space in two steps and slap him hard. The crack echoes, shocking in the silent cabin.
He doesn’t flinch. He just looks at me, eyes raw and wet. “I deserve that.”
“Yes you do,” I spit out. “That and more!”
He slowly reaches for me, giving me time to pull away, but I don’t. His hands come up, framing my jaw, and then his mouth crashes down on mine. It’s not gentle, like his touch. It’s filled with every last drop of pain and suffering we’ve lived through. Rage and years of hunger fuse us together. Our teeth clash. I taste copper, salt, him. When I pull back, my lips are bruised and bloodied. So are his.
I stare up at him, vision swimming. “I loved you. I would have burned my whole career down to stay. You didn’t trust me enough to let me choose and because of that you broke us both.”
He bows his head. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s not good enough.” My voice cracks, trembling with all the things I buried for three years. “I don’t know how to forgive you. I don’t know if I want to.”
He nods, stepping back just enough to give me space but not enough to let the distance grow. “I’ll wait. As long as it takes.”
I laugh, a raw, ugly sound. “Yeah, you always were stubborn and apparently foolishly hopeful.”
