He pulls out a warm, soft blanket, silken pillows, and a beautiful big bed with a cushy-looking mattress. Glowing orb of flickering lights that look sort of like candles in jars. A grand bathtub, full of bubbles, with steam rising off it.
I shiver and sit across the fire from him, leaning in close to warm up after my cold water wash.
Hordan continues the vision of him setting countless gifts outside my door — one of which is an entire house with more rooms than I’d know what to do with. He shows me looking out the window at all these things he wants to give me, and then shows me turning my back and choosing to sit alone in my dark, cold cave.
“That’s not fair,” I argue. “This is myhome.” I gesture to the stone walls that have kept me safe from storms and my enemies. I look around at my indoor garden, proud of how pretty and productive it is. “You think it looked like this when I found it? Imadethis. And I did a damned good job.”
Hordan nods. He can feel my pride and my attachment. He sends me a burst of love, and makes me understand he’s proud of me too. But then he shows me all the gifts he wants to give me, while I’m standing on guard in my dark cave with my arms folded over my chest.
He kicks away the house and picks up the bathtub. He holds it out to me and then shows me where in my cave he thinks it could go. He shows me in it, happy, surrounded by the flickering orb-lights. He shows me him, also happy, sitting next to me and washing my hair while I sit in warm, soapy water. Then hescoops me up, bundles me into a big fluffy towel, and takes me over to where he’s put the big comfy bed in a cozy nook beneath the stalactites, and he tucks me in and kisses my head.
He pushes the throne up close to the fire for me, and pushes a second, bigger one next to it that I assume is for him, and then he breaks the vision so I’m back with him in reality. He’s asking if I’ll let him make my life easier.Better.
And now we’re both wondering why I’m not letting him.
He shows me standing with his hands resting on the big throne. He tilts it, ready to drag, and glances at the exit, as if asking me if I want him to take it out of the picture. If I wanthimout of the picture. And how far out of the picture would I want him to go? Can he sit on his throne outside my cave and make sure nobody bothers me while I live alone as I please?
I can feel his sense of duty to me, and how it is currently at war with trying to respect my demands. The vision continues before I can respond.
Should he move his throne to the bottom of the cliff and live in his fancy house alone down there, so he can protect me with my having to see him much? Or should he drag his throne all the way back to the dark shadowlands of the monster realm, where I never have to see him again? Where he will never again see me or be graced with my presence?
I gasp when he shares the way he sees and feels me. Beautiful, surrounded by glowing light and radiating a love so powerful he kneels in worship, hoping to receive it. He shares this without any intention or agenda other than for me to see myself through his eyes and learn how and why he loves me. Why he wants to provide me with the best he can possibly offer — which is everything he has, mind, body, and soul.
He keeps his expression blank and tries to mask his pain at the thought of my sending him away, but I can feel his heartache as if it’s my own. A big, strong monster he may be, but his sweetsoul is as vulnerable as any other. And I may not understand the words he says, but he’s communicating as clearly as if he’s speaking in plain English.
He wants to cherish and care for me. Give me everything I want and need to keep me happy, because that makes him happy — which is why he got moody when I shut down his offers of better things.
He thinks I deserve better things, and I’m fighting to keep the few things I have. I’ve learned to be so grateful for less that the option of more seems unachievable, but with Hordan, impossible things become possible…
I search his eyes and sense his sincerity, his integrity, his loyal heart, generous soul, and protective nature. His aura comes with a guarantee — that I will never want for anything nor be in any danger, with him around. He takes my hand in his and gazes longingly into my eyes as his soul speaks to mine.So please keep me around.
I’m very confused about a lot of things — like how he intends to introduce indoor plumbing through solid rock or how he plans on fitting a ginormous bed through the cave entrance when he barely fits through it on his own — but I’m more certain than ever that I want him in my life.
A wave of relief crashes into me, and I watch his whole body relax. He bows his head in quiet appreciation and then pours me some tea from the kettle steaming by the fire. I accept it with a smile and he kisses my head before heading to the bathing pool to attend to his own hygiene needs.
Kind of stunned by the emotional journey of the morning so far, I sip my tea and watch him with awe. He’s frighteningly beautiful in every possible way. Not only is he the most powerful and physically attractive being I have ever met, he’s also the sweetest, most emotionally stable and supportive creature I have ever had the pleasure of encountering. And helovesme. I seeit in his eyes every time he looks at me. I feel it in every touch, be it a tender caress, a firm, grounding hand, or a frenzied and passionate collision.
I know it by the way he prioritizes my needs, how he spoils me and makes me feel safe. How he drags himself through the dirt to be with me, and doesn’t complain about how often he has to duck his head as he walks around my cave. He never seems to mind that my furs aren’t monster-sized, so his feet stick out the end in the cold, and I’m… acting like an ungrateful schmuck, arguing to keep things as they are? What is wrong with me?
He’s made it clear that pleasing me is what pleases him, and he wants us to be happy. But when I don’t allow him to please me, we both end upunhappy. It’s so logical that my mind almost can’t comprehend the simplicity. I’ve spent my whole life in struggle, wishing I could live a safe and happy life, and now that it’s here I want to lock it outside? I shake my head at myself as I recall the vision of Hordan standing outside the cave’s front door with all the gifts he wants to share with the woman he wants to treat like a queen. He offers so much, and I have next to nothing to offer him, and he doesn’t care because… I look down at myself, sitting next the fire he tended for me, wrapped in a luxurious blanket…I’mthe treasure.
The undeniable truth of the epiphany resonates with every cell in my body, because I have been treasured by this monster.Cherished.
I’m the treasure.
A diamond in the rough, perhaps, but a diamond nonetheless.
Every move he’s made, every word or vision or action he’s taken toward me is the evidence that it’s true.
And if his love is strong enough to make me believe that, then what was I believing before?
I stare into the dancing flames and try to piece together the parts of myself I want to keep moving forward with, because I was “happy enough” with how things are, but Hordan’s just shown me I’m afraid for things to be better — which, of course, seems an absolutely silly thing to be scared of. He was right to be annoyed by my earlier reaction to his suggestions. I’m annoyed at me about it too!
I want to live happily ever after with him, and if I’m going to do that, I’ll have to leave behind my deeply ingrained defensive tendencies and trust in the love I know to be true.
17
HORDAN
