Peace.
This is the healing I needed. The fresh air, the man in front of me guiding us safely through the curves of the roads. I’ve never felt as safe as I do right now, so at peace. I want nothing more than to stay like this forever.
I want this to be forever.
But I’m not so ignorant as to believe that all the memories, the pain, the complete helplessness won’t come rushing back to me as soon as the bike stops. And about an hour down the road, or up the mountain, I’m not sure which, the bike does stop.
I wait for all the sadness to return, to rush through me like a waterfall, but it doesn’t. Once he’s parked, I climb off the bike and walk over to the lookout. I haven’t been in this area in a while, probably years.
Justin used to take me on rides in the mountains when I was a kid. That was probably the last time I came up here. I’m not sure why, because this feels amazing. I feel at peace and full of life all at the same time.
Closing my eyes, I inhale the crisp mountain air deep into my lungs before letting it out slowly. I feel Trent move around me, but I can’t open my eyes yet. I need to feel this air flow throughout my entire body, invigorating my bloodstream.
When I feel his warm palms cup my cheeks, only then do I open my eyes slowly to meet his. Trent’s lips are curved up into a smile. He’s looking right at me, his smile so breathtaking beneath his beard. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything like it before. He’s perfection. This man, whom I don’t feel like I deserve.
This man, I’m completely and totally in love with.
“I love you, Cidney. I know it’s not the right time for this, for us, but I love you nonetheless, and I want us to be together.”
“But what about Justin?” I ask.
I know I’ve already talked to Justin and that I can make the decision to be with Trent if I want to. But I’m curious to see ifTrent has changed any part of his thinking on that. I’ve never been one to test someone before, but I guess I’m doing it now. It’s not that I want to. It’s more along the lines of me wanting to know what his true heart is.
I’m sure I’m going about this all wrong, but I don’t know how else to do it. So, instead of trying to explain myself, I just watch and wait for his response. Sinking my teeth into the inside of my cheek, I watch and wait for him to speak.
When he does, my entire body relaxes. “Ivy won’t be a problem. I’ve already told him my plans. I don’t really give a fuck what he thinks. If he tries to stop us, we’ll deal with it.”
I wonder if I should tell him about my own conversation with my cousin, but I decide against it. Instead, I lean forward and touch my mouth to his. His arms wrap around me, and he holds me against his body, his tongue slipping inside my mouth, tasting me.
Home.
I am home, and this is my man.
I don’t know when I’ll be able to get back to where we were, but maybe I don’t want to be where we were. We were in hiding. I want to be in the light. The threat is gone for now, our world is more harmonious than ever, and I want to relish in that.
GOOSE
Taking Cidney back to Lainey’s, I pull up in front of the apartment building. She climbs off my bike but doesn’t go inside. Instead, she stands beside me. I stay where I am, straddling my machine. If I get off this bike, I’m going to want to fuck her right here in the middle of the sidewalk. It’s taken all of my self-control not to take her so far, and I don’t trust myself much further.
“I talked to Justin after everything happened, and I told him that I wanted to have the freedom to date whoever I wanted. In the club, out of the club, I was the one who had full control. He wasn’t happy about it, but he agreed.”
My lips twitch into a smirk. That fucking asshole. I find it hilarious that he has chosen not to tell me any of that, as if he’s hoping his promises will just fade away. They won’t, and neither will the way I feel about Cidney.
“This is a dangerous game, Cidney,” I warn.
“No, it’s not any longer. This is me taking ownership and control of my life. You told him you weren’t going to accept his rules any longer, either. This is exactly what we should have done the first time.”
She’s right. It is, but at the same time, I know that Ivy can make shit harder for her and for me in the club. I hope he doesn’t. I really hope he just accepts the fact that I love his cousin, but I have a feeling he’s waiting until Goffredo is dealt with, and then he’s going to strike.
I have a sinking feeling that he’s going to make it very hard for us to be together, and that, in turn, he’s going to do everything in his power to make my life hard. I’m not one to sit around and create scenarios in my head, but in this case, I need to think about all the ways this could go bad.
I need to be prepared.
The only thing I can think of doing is whisking Cidney away and marrying her. It will make it hard for the club to deny her any protection and to send me away. It will give her a level of security that she couldn’t have otherwise, or it will be her demise. If they excommunicate me, she’ll have to be by my side.
I can’t imagine them doing that, but with the parameters of the rules of the club, anything is fucking possible. And with as angry as Ivy is about this situation, I would not put anything past him—absolutely nothing.
But marriage?
