“And then it’ll be Hogg’s turn to play,” I say.
“And play he will,” Maverick states.
CIDNEY
I don’t ask who is going to stay with me or what is going tohappen tomorrow. I can’t expect someone to stay at my side every day just because I’m scared. I want to, but I can’t. Lainey lets out a heavy sigh as she opens the front door.
Posey stands as soon as the door opens, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s relieved to be able to leave. Sure, we had some good moments today, but we also had some stressful ones. I feel like we’re in a good place. I don’t hate her, not that I did. But the anger I feel has subsided.
I also realize that as I heal from this attack from Goffredo, I’m going to experience bouts of anger, but I want to make sure that it’s directed at the right people. Otherwise, I’m the one who looks like an asshole, and I refuse to embarrass myself like that.
My anger shouldn’t have been directed at Posey.
Even though I still feel as if she could have helped this situation between Justin, me, and Goose, she’s not required to, so I can’t hate her for staying out of it. Given the choice, I might have stayed out of it, too. It’s a lot of drama.
I’m still very much angry at Justin, though. I think about calling my aunt Mae to complain about him, but then I shake that thought away because if I called her, I would have to explain what happened to me, and I don’t want my aunt and uncle to know a fucking thing. So that’s out.
“I am exhausted. You’d think for the end of the season, I wouldn’t be busy, but I was slammed today,” Lainey announces.
I wish I could have helped her, but I chanced a glance at my reflection, and she’s right. I do not need to be anywhere near her bakery until I can cover up my bruising. Right now, I look like I went through exactly what I went through.
“I didn’t know what time you’d be back. I would have had dinner ready,” I say, feeling bad for not having something for her to eat after a long day.
Lainey raises her hand, waving it around. “Pfft,” she says, making a noise with her mouth. “I legit could eat some ice cream and drink some wine and call it dinner.”
Sticking my bottom lip out, I shrug a shoulder. “That sounds amazing,” I murmur.
“Let’s do it. We don’t have anywhere to be tonight, and Goose is watching the place, so we’re safe.”
“Is he?” I ask.
She hums as she moves around in the kitchen. I can hear the bowls and spoons clank around, then glasses, and finally, the freezer opens and closes.
“You know he is. I gave him a little wave and everything, I think it’s sweet.”
She’s right. It is sweet, but at the same time, it’s pointless. Justin has made his stance clear, and Goose has made his as well. It doesn’t matter what I want. It only matters what they decide, and that pisses me off.
Lainey walks into the living room, hands me a bowl and a wineglass, then goes back to the kitchen to get her own and sinks down in the chair near me. She brings her feet into the chair, sitting cross-legged with her ice cream in front of her, and I do the same.
“How was your day with Posey?” she asks, though her voice sounds a bit timid, as if she’s actually afraid to hear the answer, or maybe she thinks I’m going to get upset.
“It was good. We talked a bit about everything, but I have to remember that I can’t take my anger with Justin out on her.”
Lainey dips her spoon into her bowl, then lifts it to her lips, but doesn’t take a bite immediately. Instead, I watch as she lowers her spoon back down to her bowl. She inhales a long breath, holding it for a moment before she lets it out slowly.
“I know these guys can be whole assholes, but I can see how you would want Posey’s help. Just like someone might want my help with Piggy.”
“But could you talk Piggy into changing his mind about anything?” I ask.
“Never.”
“Yeah, figured as much. I want to be just as pissed at her as I am at him, but I can’t be. This is on Justin. And maybe the club, too, because some of their rules are stupid as hell.”
“Amen to that,” Lainey snaps.
We spend the rest of the evening watching that period drama about Queen Charlotte and King George. Lainey heads to bed after a couple episodes, and I lie on the sofa in silence, staring at the ceiling.
For hours, I think, wondering to myself if I’ll ever be the same person I was before I was attacked. I don’t think I will. I feel like when something that traumatic happens to you, it changes who you are and the trajectory of your life. I feel different, not just in body, but in mind and soul, too.
