I don’t ask her where she’s going. It doesn’t matter, not really. It’s also not my fucking business, something that Ivy has made clear. She hesitates, standing in the doorway, her gaze searching mine. She’s waiting for something from me, but I can’t give her anything.
The sadness that threatens to consume me at the thought of never being inside her again, of never kissing her again—I really don’t fucking want this. I’m also too much of a pussy to tell her.
She aims a sad smile at me from across the bedroom, then takes a step backward. “I’ll be back soon,” she says, her voice sounding so fucking small, a little hurt.
I stay where I am, lying in her bed, wrapped in her sheets, her scent surrounding me, until I hear the front door open and close. Only then do I reach for my phone. Finding Maverick’s number, I send him a text.
NEED YOU TO PICK UP MY BIKE AND GIVE ME A RIDE BACK TO THE CLUBHOUSE
MAVERICK: YOU SURE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT?
He knows I’ve already overstayed my welcome here, according to Ivy. If I don’t get back to the clubhouse soon, he’s going to come here, and he’s going to make it even clearer that he doesn’t want me here.
ITS NOT WHAT I WANT BUT I DONT HAVE A CHOICE DOESNT MATTER WHAT I WANT OR WHAT CIDNEY WANTS
MAVERICK: I’LL BE THERE IN TEN MINUTES.
Moving slowly, I force myself out of bed and to the shower. I take as quick a shower as I can and pull on some clothes. Throwing all my shit into my bag, I don’t bother folding anything. I couldn’t even if I wanted to at this point. I still feel like I’ve been run over by a semitruck.
Right now, I’m running on pure adrenaline. I need to get out of here before Cidney comes back. If she shows up, I’ll have to explain myself to her, and I’m not ready. I know I should. It would be the right thing to do, the decent thing to do.
I’m not doing this the right or decent way, and I haven’t from the beginning. I should have gone to Ivy the moment I knew I wanted to fuck her, or at least after I fucked her the first time. I should have done a lot of things differently, but I didn’t, and now I’ve got to accept the consequences and hope that Cidney doesn’t hate me for the rest of my life.
The knock on the front door comes just as I am tugging my charger out of the outlet. Moving toward the door, I take it slowly, steadily. I reach for the knob, twist it open, and watch as Maverick stands in front of me, Zadie at his side, a stroller with my niece and nephew fast asleep in front of her.
I can feel the judgment coming off her in waves. I ignore it. She doesn’t understand anything about this world, about this life, about my fucking problems. Standing to the side, I let Maverick walk inside, telling him where my bag is located.
“I don’t know why you have to leave, but Chase has told me it’s not up to you. I just want to say that I’m really sorry. I know how much you and Cidney like one another.”
Well, that is a bit unexpected. I wasn’t planning on her saying that. Clearing my throat, I dip my chin in a single nod. I don’t know how to describe what’s just happened, but I don’t think itmatters. I could explain it all day long, yet it doesn’t change the outcome.
“Thanks,” I simply state.
One of the babies makes a noise in the stroller, and I look down at my nephew. He has my name. Trent Fairfax. I’ll probably never have a rug rat of my own, especially now, so it’s nice that there is this little one to carry my name.
Jesus fucking Christ, I’m a worthless pile of shit.
“Ready?” Maverick calls out from behind me.
Turning my head, I look over my shoulder at the apartment. I seriously thought after getting my ass beat by Ivy, I would be moving in here for a while. That Cidney and I would look for our own place together, that my life would truly begin.
“Yup,” I say.
It’s a fucking lie, and Maverick knows it but is kind enough not to call me out on it. Together, Zadie, Maverick, the babies, and I walk out of Cidney’s apartment. It’s safe, I know it is, and I’ve dealt with the asshole who wanted to hurt her. She can sleep peacefully now. I probably won’t ever sleep again, but I’ve been selfish enough in my life. It’s time for me to not think of myself.
The last thing I ever want to do is ruin Cidney’s family dynamic with Ivy or her friendship with any of the others. If I defy Ivy’s direct wishes, that’s exactly what will happen. It’s best for me to remove myself completely, however that looks.
CIDNEY
Dr. George Edwards smiles at me from across his desk. He’s printed out my resume and has been talking to me about it, but I’m only half engaged in this conversation. I am trying very hard to stay on topic and to answer his questions, but I can’t stop thinking about Trent at home.
Something is off.
“You’d be running the show as far as the clerical work goes. I probably have a bunch of things that need organizing. I started out on my own and didn’t really take into account the day-to-day business of being a doctor,” he says.
I force myself to smile a bit larger and dip my chin in a single nod. “I can definitely handle scheduling as long as I know the parameters of how many minutes you need allotted for each appointment and such. I’ve never done medical reception, but I am willing to learn.”
He laughs softly. “Well, since my office has been running on pure chaos, I don’t think you could screw it up any more than it already is. You have more experience and are more qualified than I am already.”
