“You don’t need to talk to him. I got this, and I got you. He already knows. I’m just going to make it official.”
“I don’t want him to kill you,” she whispers.
My laughter isn’t boisterous, but it’s unmistakable. She still seems horrified, so I bring her body closer to mine, dragging her across the bed. She presses her palms against my chest, her head shifting back slightly so she can continue to look into my eyes.
“He’s not going to kill me, Cidney. I’d be dead already if that’s what he wanted. He’ll ask me some questions, we’ll tussle, or rather, he’ll throw a few punches at me. I’ll take them, and that will be that.”
“Are you sure about that?” she asks.
“Let your man handle this,” I say.
“My man,” she whispers.
Pressing my mouth against hers, I kiss her hard before I speak against her lips. “Your fucking man.”
CIDNEY
We don’t have sex again before he leaves to go to the clubhouse, and I’m not sure why, but I feel sad about that. My center aches, my body is sore and tired, and I’m a little hungover, but I wanted him one last time.
I’m under no illusion that last night, this morning, whenever it was we were together, was the last time. I’m pretty sure it was. I mean, yes, he’s saying all the right things to me. He’s telling me he wants more, that he wants to claim me, that he wants us to be together, but I know that once he speaks with Ivy, that could all change.
If Justin says no, Goose will respect that. I know he will, even if he doesn’t want to. He’ll walk away from me and never look back. Justin may be okay with us fooling around and pretending it’s not happening, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be accepting of us really being together. That he would be cool with us having a future with one another.
I’ve kept my distance from the club for several different reasons over the years, but the men have been the biggest. Along with the women, well, the club girls. I hate to call them whores, even though I know that’s what they are. But it looks like the club’s come to me, and I can’t pretend I don’t love it.
Because I do.
Family and love. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, and while my aunt, uncle, and Justin love me and I love them, I also have all the other wives and girlfriends as friends, feeling their love, and then also Goose. It’s different, and I’ve never felt so acceptedin my life. I want more of this feeling. Surrounded by a family, found and biological, just feels…lovely.
For something I never wanted, to be tied to a member of that club, I really freaking love being tied to Goose. I don’t even know his real name, and I don’t care. I don’t give a single shit. It’s not his name that I’ve fallen in love with. It’s the man.
I love him.
Madly, deeply, absolutely crazily, I love him.
I’m sitting on the sofa, a warm cup of coffee in my hand, a show I’m not paying attention to streaming on the television in front of me, when my phone buzzes, and I almost jump out of my skin. Every muscle in my entire body tightens. I assume it’s a breakup text or a Goose is in the hospital text, but it’s not.
POSEY: I heard they’re meeting today. Do you want me to come over?
I chew on the corner of the nail on my thumb for a moment, reading her text a few times before I sink my teeth into my bottom lip and reply.
I’m good. I’m just hanging out watching TV.
It’s not a lie—well, at least not fully. The television is on, but I’m not watching anything. Nothing could hold my attention at this point, and I would be a terrible hostess. All I can think about is Goose and Justin.
And in all honesty, in this situation, all I can think about is selfishly my place in this, in the future, because I don’t know that I have much of a future here in Thunder Rock without Goose.
POSEY: I’m here if you need me.
Thanks.
Pinching my eyes closed, I inhale deeply through my nose, then let it out of my mouth slowly. I need to relax a little. Being this worked up over something that I have zero way of controlling isn’t good for me.
I start to stand up when I decide that there is something I can do to make my life a little better and take my mind off everything. It’s a different kind of stressful situation, and this one I can control.
Well, kind of anyway.
Opening up the search engine app on my phone, I begin hunting for a job. I don’t know if there will be anything anywhere near me, but I can hope there is, so I can stay. Because I do want to stay. I have every single person in the world I know right here in Thunder Rock with me. The idea that I could actually leave was something that I was thinking about out of desperation. But I’m not sure I could actually go anywhere, not unless I had no other choice.
