“Are you warm enough?” he asks quietly at one point, voice low so only I can hear. “It’s cold, you’re wearing only a slip dress beneath your jacket.”
“I’m fine,” I answer without looking at him.
He doesn’t push.
The tension is subtle, but it’s there. A string pulled too tight under the surface. I feel Katia glance at me now and then,but she doesn’t say anything. Maybe she knows. Maybe they all know what happened.
When dessert is served, some rich berry tart I’d normally love, I push my chair back and stand.
“Excuse me,” I say, barely above a whisper. “I need some air.”
Lukin glances at me, brows slightly raised, but I don’t wait for a reaction.
I walk out of the dining hall without another word and head straight outside. The air is cool, crisp against my skin, and I inhale deeply, like I’ve been holding my breath for an hour.
Being that close to him messes with my head. The quiet restraint in his voice. The way he watches me like I’m completely his, like he expects I’ll come back to him if he just waits long enough.
But I don’t know what I want anymore.
And being near him… it makes it harder to remember why I ever pulled away. His life is dangerous, and I’m already over seven months pregnant. Is this the life I want for my kid?
I walk slowly through the garden, the cold brushing against my arms, but I don’t turn back for a coat. My thoughts are loud enough to keep me warm—memories I wish I could scrub out of my brain, emotions that won’t settle.
Then I hear heels clicking softly against stone. I turn.
Katia. She smiles genuinely at me, cigarette pinched between two fingers, a trail of smoke curling around her like perfume. She’s sharp-eyed, elegant, and nothing like Lukin—except for that same unnerving calm.
“You looked like you were about to disappear into the hedges,” she says with a tilt of her head. “Figured I’d catch you first.”
I say nothing. I’m not in the mood for company, especially not his family’s.
She takes a drag, watching me through the smoke. “Zoe, this world doesn’t offer neat exits. Once you’re in, you’re in. You might hate Lukin right now—and I wouldn’t blame you—but understand something. That night? He wasn’t mad or monstrous. It was survival. Your survival.”
I swallow. Of course she knew what happened. What was I thinking?
“Katia, it was the second time I was seeing someone murdered in front of me. It was traumatic. The first time wasn’t pretty.”
“I don’t know what happened the first time,” she continues, flicking ash to the side. “But that man was going to kill you. You do know that, don’t you?”
My stomach twists, but I don’t answer. She steps closer, her voice quieter now. “He didn’t kill for pleasure, Zoe. He killed to protect what’s his.”
The words land heavy. Her, calling me his. Like I’m some possession. Like that justifies it.
But then I remember it—Lukin standing between me and death. The way he didn’t hesitate. The way he looked at the man who threatened me, like he would kill him again if he had the chance.
Katia flicks the cigarette to the ground and crushes it under her heel. “He’s not a monster. He’s a protector. There’s a difference.”
And then she leaves me alone in the dark.
I stay rooted for a long time, staring at the spot where she stood. The anger’s still there, burning quietly in my chest. But beneath it now… something else. Something I hate to admit.
He saved my life.
And that truth is harder to ignore than anything else. Before that man shot me, I saw the way he looked at me. With hate. With violence. He would have killed me if Lukin didn’t intervene. The least I owe him is a thank-you.
A few minutes later, I head back into the guest room, shutting the door behind me like it’ll keep the thoughts out. I shower, hoping the heat will wash away the heaviness clinging to me. It doesn’t. I climb into bed, curl into myself, and try to force sleep.
But I can’t.
