Yet … I place my hand on my belly, already in love with the baby growing inside of me.
“Here you go,” Dr. Drescher says, handing me the sonogram pictures. “You didn’t say if you wanted to know the gender, so I marked it in your file in case you wish to know. When you head up to the front desk to check out, schedule your twenty-week appointment. It will be an ultrasound, so if your fiancé would like to join …”
My fiancé.
I’m engaged to Matteo, supposed to marry him in a few days, and I’m pregnant with another man’s baby.
I glance at the sonogram of my baby … not ours,mine. And even though it’s half Enrique, I already love him or her with every part of my being and will do anything to protect them.
“Thank you,” I choke out, needing to get out of here.
My panic attack is in full swing, and it’s hard to breathe, to speak, to think.
Somehow, I manage to get changed back into my clothes, make an appointment for next month, and accept my pregnancy gifts, including free samples of prenatal vitamins—something I haven’t been taking because I had no idea that I was pregnant.
When I step outside, I’m met with my guards—Ian and George.They must notice I’m losing my shit because they both frown and step forward, but I put my hand up.
“I know I can’t go anywhere without you,” I cry. “But I … I just need a minute, please.”
They nod in understanding and follow me out of the doctor’s office and into the elevator. Once I’m outside, I glance around, unsure where to go from here.
The warm breeze picks up, and the salty air permeates my senses. So, I follow it across the street so I can walk along the water and think.
I’m almost sixteen weeks pregnant.
I pull the sonogram out of the bag of stuff I’m still carrying and find a seat on a bench. I set the bag next to me and stare at the picture for several minutes as I consider what this means.
There’s a tiny, helpless, innocent baby growing inside of me.
Half me and half Enrique.
Liquid emotion fills my lids and then splatters onto the paper, blurring the image and my vision, as my conversations with Matteo replay in my head.
He told me several times he didn’t want babies.
But he changed his mind.
“That was before you. I told you I want everything with you, including you swollen with my babies.”
Will he still feel that way when he finds out that the baby I’m carrying, the baby who’s growing in my belly, isn’t his?
“Would you want a little one … half you and half me?”
No matter what I do, this baby will never be half Matteo, but that doesn’t stop me from loving them any less.
As I sit on the bench, sobs racking my body, I wonder what my future will look like. For a moment, I thought I was about to have it all—the man I love, a baby for us to dote on, a life filled with happiness. But now, there’s a chance I’m going to have it taken away.
I cradle my belly, knowing there’s a baby growing in there, and cry for everything I wanted, but might not get to have.
“I love you,” I tell my baby, rubbing my stomach and hoping they can feel the love pouring out of me.
I should probably feel some sort of way, knowing that the baby is part Enrique, but it doesn’t change the way my heart feels. This baby is innocent, and I’ll protect them and love them with every fiber of my being every day for the rest of my life. I’ll be the best mom there is, and they’ll never know any different.
“I love you,” I say again. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
I glance up and gasp, unaware that anyone was near me, and find Matteo looking at me with concern etched on his features.
