“You sure youdon’t want me to go with you?” Matteo asks as we get ready—him for work and me for my doctor’s appointment.
“No, I’m good,” I tell him, leaning over and applying my lipstick. “It’s just a routine checkup. And then I’m going to the bridal shop to pick up my dress and have lunch with the girls.”
It’s been a busy month. Between working at Russo during the day and getting lost in Matteo every night—and the wedding planning in between—I’m looking forward to the two weeks we’ve taken off for our honeymoon. When Matteo mentioned it, I tried to argue that I’d only been at Russo for a short time and it would look bad that I was taking time off again, but then my brother insisted, telling me the honeymoon was his wedding gift to us, and after tears filled my eyes, I agreed.
“And what about the shot?” Matteo asks, turning me so I’m forced to look at him.
“What about it?”
“I thought we decided we were going to let shit happen.”
“You know … once I’m pregnant, there’s no going back. So, you have to make sure this is what you want. Not too long ago, you were saying you never wanted to get married and have a family, and now, look at you …”
“That was before you.” He grips my chin. “I told you I want everything with you, including you swollen with my babies.” His hand goes to my stomach, and my insides turn to mush. “But only if that’s what you want,” he adds. “You said you wanted babies. Has that changed?”
I look at him for several seconds—at the love and honesty shining in his blue irises.
“No, that hasn’t changed. I would love to be a mom one day, and it would mean everything to have babies with you. Maybe it’s reckless to let nature take its course,” I tell him, “but I like being reckless with you, and if it ends with a mini version of us, I’ll be okay with it.”
“Good morning, Miss Russo,”Dr. Drescher says with a warm smile.
Peyton told me she’s her favorite at the practice, and I can instantly see why.
“I see you’re here for a routine exam as well as birth control.”
“Actually, my fiancé and I spoke and have decided to let nature take its course.”
“Well, that’s good,” she says with a light laugh, “because, according to your urine sample, nature has already taken its course.”
It takes several seconds for my head to wrap around what she just said, but once it does, I gasp in shock. “I’m pregnant?” My hand goes to my belly, and I suddenly wish Matteo were here with me. I thought I was just getting a routine checkup.
“That seems to be the case.” She has a seat in the medical chair in front of me. “Can you tell me the last time you had your period? When you filled out the paperwork, you putN/A.”
“That’s because I honestly couldn’t tell you,” I admit sheepishly. “I was on the shot for so long and …” My periods were never regular, even before the shot, but with it, I rarely got one, so when I didn’t get one during the past few months, I didn’t even think twice.
The doctor nods. “That makes sense. Okay then.” She stands. “I’ll bring the nurse in so we can do your exam, and then we’ll take you back to do an ultrasound so we can confirm the pregnancy and see how far along you are.”
“Sounds good.”
I consider texting Matteo, but he said he had a busy morning, and if I am in fact pregnant, there will be plenty of future appointments he can come to. I don’t even know if I am pregnant. For all we know, the urine test was wrong.
“I haven’t had any symptoms,” I tell the doctor. “Like, none.” I think back to the past few weeks, and I haven’t felt any nausea or had any cravings, like you always hear pregnant women having. “Do you think something is wrong?”
“Every pregnancy is different, and you might not be that far along. Many women don’t feel any different until they’re several weeks along.”
After my exam, the nurse takes some blood, and then I’m taken to another room, where I lie down on the medical table, nervous and excited to confirm the pregnancy.
I’ve always wanted to be a mom. When I was little, I would play house, pretending to be my mom. And when I got older and missed home, I would imagine what my house would look like—filled with love and laughter. I wouldn’t send my children away to keep them safe. Instead, I would hold them close, and I know Matteo would do the same.
But when Matteo made it clear that he didn’t want children, even though it was hard, I accepted his decision because a life without Matteo wasn’t a life I wanted, even if it meant it was just the two of us. I accepted I would be the hands-on aunt who would spoil my nieces and nephews, and I was even thinking about asking Matteo if we could get a cute little cat.
But then he shocked me when he changed his mind and said he wanted to have a family with me. Don’t get me wrong. I fully plan to still be the aunt who spoils her nieces and nephews, and I’mdefinitely getting a cute kitten one day, but now, I get to also be a mom and raise my babies with one of the sweetest, most selfless men I know—my soon-to-be husband. I know he’s scared to become a dad, but that’s only because he doesn’t see himself the way I see him.
“We’re going to try an abdominal ultrasound first,” the doctor says, bringing me back to the present. “Depending on how far along you are, if we can’t see anything, we’ll move to a transvaginal ultrasound.”
I’m trying to do the math in my head when she places a paper blanket over my bottom half, and then she lifts my gown to just below my breasts and squirts some warm blue gunk on my belly.
She runs the probe through the blue gunk and then switches the screen on, and even though I have no idea what I’m looking at, my eyes don’t leave it, searching for any sign that I’m pregnant.
