MORGAN
It killed me walking away from her, but I was so hurt and angry. She was always at work and when we did see each other we just fucked. No talking, just hot, incredibly hot sex, then one of us would have to leave.
I walked for about an hour, no route in mind, just walking. My phone was ringing, and I swiped it up, hoping it was Andie, but it was Baz.
“Hey, I’m getting married.” The happiness in his voice was evident.
“That’s amazing, congratulations.” I tried to be happy, but it was hard when my love life was falling apart.
“Thanks, mate. I want you to be best man. The date is December eighteenth. I know it’s soon, but we don’t want to wait. I’ve got you down with a plus one for Andie, okay?”
“I would be honoured to be your best man. That’s great, thanks mate, congratulations again.” I hung up and kept walking.
My mind kept going over and over everything we had just said. I didn’t want to lose her, but I couldn’t go on the way itwas. It hurt when I thought about her being unhappy, that’s all I wanted for her, and I wanted to be the one making her happy.
I turned around and walked back to her house. My father’s van had gone so I assumed he had gone home to eat with my mother, and I had missed him somehow on my walk.
Andie answered the door looking sleepy. Her eyes were puffy as if she had been crying.
“Hey, come here.” I held out my arms to her.
All the anger I felt melted away when I saw how hurt she was. Andie studied me for a few moments. I saw her bottom lip quivering, before she moved into my arms. Her sobs just about broke my heart. I led her into her room, and we settled on the bed together, with her head on my chest.
“Hey.” I lifted her chin gently with my hand. “Come on, I’m sorry about earlier. I get so worked up sometimes.”
She moved back from me, grabbed a tissue and wiped her face. “I know, me too. But I’ve said from the start I don’t want a relationship. I knew friends with benefits was a mistake. Let’s just let it go, okay?” Her voice was quiet and shaky.
“I can’t let it go. I want more. I keep telling you this, it’s not fair. I just want you. Do you care about me at all?” I begged her, pulling her back into me.
Andie looked up at me her eyes red and shining from the tears. “Of course I care about you.” She moved back to my side, placed her hand on my leg and planted a soft, sweet kiss on my lips, before looking back into my eyes, her forehead resting on mine. “I care about you more than I ever imagined I would. Thinking about losing you hurts… a lot.” Her voice dissolved back into tears.
“Then I don’t see the problem. I care about you, you care about me. Baz is getting married in December, come with me to the wedding?” Thinking of her coming to the wedding with me,to do something real couples did together, helped to ease the pain of the last few weeks.
“Yeah maybe. Can we just take each day as it comes?”
Well, she hadn’t said no, but it felt like she had. Even after all she’d just said, she still wouldn’t commit. Not even to one date that was only a few months away. The anger flooded back. She was never going to commit—feelings or not, she would never be fully mine.
“Yeah, why not. Why plan ahead, huh? You may find a new fuck toy by then, right?” I jumped up, my own tears filling my eyes and causing my voice to waver.
I moved to where she had placed the photo of us having sex, ready for it to go up on her bedroom wall and put my fist through it. I felt the pain of the glass from the frame cutting into my knuckles, but it felt good, it took my mind off my heart breaking.
“Morgan…” she started but I couldn’t allow her to finish.
I knew what she was going to say; she wasn’t ready, friends with benefits were all she had to offer. We kept going around and around, having the same arguments.
I held my hand out to stop her words, “Don’t… just don’t. I have to go.” I left the room and the house quickly and began walking again, this time making it to Baz’s house.
“Hey,” He answered the door with a huge smile on his face just as mine broke down and I started sobbing.
“Come on in. Alice is out at the moment; we have the house to ourselves.” He tugged me through the door when my feet refused to move.
He sat me on his sofa and handed me a can of beer. “What the fuck happened to your hand?” he asked, nodding to my bruised and bleeding knuckles.
“Andie and I have argued again. I got so worked up mate, I put my hand through the photo she had blown up of us.” I flexedthe knuckles on my hand. It stung, but no serious damage had been done.
“Hang on.” He came back with a first aid kit and threw it to me. “Fuck me, man, I’ve never seen you like this. Not even with Brooke when she cheated. You can’t go on like this,” he told me, opening the first aid kit I had ignored and seeing to my hand.
“I know, I just don’t know what to do. I’ve asked her to spend more time together, she says she’s not ready. Now she says we need to slow things down. Take a few days off. If we go any slower, we’ll stop altogether. It feels like there’s a huge wall between us and whenever I get an inch closer, she pushes me further away.” My throat felt raw, and my voice sounded gritty.
