“Yeah, Iget that. Rain check?” I stood up, relieved he had said no, and I couldn’t wait to get out of the room.
“Why do I feel that you’re going to change your mind? I’m sorry I can’t do tomorrow, but I do want to take you out.” He walked towards me.
“I understand, honestly.” I backed my way towards the door.
He stopped moving; his shoulders dropped, and his hands lay loosely at his side.
“Couple more questions?”
I wanted to put him off me, so I thought I’d ask about the one thing some men hate. Maybe he would hate it too and then would change his mind about wanting to date me and we could get back to being friends.
“Sure.” He smiled.
He had a great smile, his blue eyes sparkled when he smiled and looked brighter against his jet-black hair.
“What are your plans for the future? More kids? Marriage?”
“I’d love more kids. I want a big family, nice house, and yes, I would like to get married. I want it all. All the good things in life.” He lit up when he was talking about the future.
So, that didn’t put him off, then. He wanted it all, and more. He thought I was a possible path for his happy future, but I wasn’t. I was surer of that than before. It was then I saw more reasons not to start anything with him. He was such an incredible man, and I could see myself falling for him, I already cared about him. But I couldn’t have children, I was able to get pregnant, but my body couldn’t carry them, and it always ended up in heart-breaking miscarriages, so I had given up trying. I had been married before, twice, and was not looking to repeat that mistake.
“I would love that for you, but it’s not for me. I’m sorry. I’d better get going.”
I turned quickly, moving into the passage, and went to close the door when he called out, “So, that’s a no then?”
I ducked my head back into his room inhaling his scent, it was so intoxicating, something woody with citrus notes in it. “I’m sorry, I just don’t think it would work out.” Then, I ran down the stairs as fast as I my legs would go and left without saying goodbye to anyone.
CHAPTER 5
MORGAN
“What the fuck just happened?” I asked myself as I heard the front door slam.
Through my window, I watched as Andie ran to her sleek, black sports car and shot off as if a horde of the undead were chasing her.
I thought the talk about the future was a little weird and heavy when we hadn’t even started dating, but I also thought I had answered well. I was honest about what I wanted. I wasn’t one of those men who fled from commitment or the serious talks. I had seen the pain in her eyes and her body stiffen as I talked about what I wanted from life. I stalked into my room, closing the door behind me and lay on the bed feeling lost, looking up at the ceiling, going over and over the conversation, to try to process what had gone wrong.
There was another knock at my door.
“Come in,” I called out.
“You okay, love?” my mother asked from the doorway, now dressed in pyjamas and her hair wrapped in a towel.
“Yeah.” I sighed, blowing out a breath slowly through puffed up cheeks. “That was a quick bath,” I noted; she was normally in there for at least an hour.
“Yeah, just jumped in whilst Dad finished with the football. It’s too cold for a shower.” She shivered just thinking about it. “Did Andie give you the plans?”
“Yeah, I’ll get to work on them first thing in the morning. I don’t feel like it now.”
“Things didn’t go well then?” My mother came into my room, closing the door behind her and sitting on the edge of my bed.
I looked at her for a moment deciding on what to say. After all, this was one of her friends and it was… well, it was weird. But she was still my mother, and we had always had a close relationship.
“I think I said something that upset her, but I don’t know what it was. I was honest about how I felt and what I wanted for the future, but she said she doesn’t think we’re a good idea. I’m just feeling a bit low, I think. I’ll bounce back.” I exhaled heavily, my shoulders felt heavy.
“I know you will, love. Maybe give her a bit of time? Perhaps it’s all a bit overwhelming for her, talking about the future this early on.”
“Yeah, maybe, but she was the one who asked what I wanted in life.”
