I accepted my fate.
The warm waterhad felt heavenly.
I was used to listening, not being the one talking aboutmy feelings. There was also something to be said about only one counselor in the room versus three.
Those ladies were relentless.
What I could appreciate about their approach was they didn’t make me feel stupid about how I was feeling, why I pulled away, or even convince me that I had been wrong. They talked to me, they sympathized, and then they let me walk away to shower while immersed in my own thoughts.
One thing they hadnotdone was give me a choice when it came to going to lunch and shopping.
Somewhat reluctantly, I’d shut off the water and grabbed the large, baby-blue bath towel to dry off. As I got dressed, I couldn’t help but let the funk sink back into my soul.
What was it about Huntley that I just couldn’t let go of?
The thing was, I wasn’t the only one who wanted him around. My kids were always supportive of my feelings, but they had also dropped subtle comments that they too missed him.
Especially Bre.
In her eyes he was Superman, just like she’d called him. She’d taken a shocking liking to him rather quickly and their bond had only grown. Lennon may not have admitted it as easily as his sister, but his mood had shifted some too. I think the male bonding was doing him good.
So, besides being downhearted myself, I also felt horrible for making the kids unhappy. But I was thinking of Huntley. What I’d seen a few weeks prior had just made me that much more aware that he deserved more than me.
I’d told the ladies I had come to the conclusion based on my past and the things that haunted me still, that I just felt like he needed someone whole. I hadn’t told them what the demons looked like that still ruled my life at times—although Lake knew some of my past—or about what I’d seen when I’dgone to Huntley’s work, but I had a feeling they would get it out of me before the day ended.
When I’d gotten emotional, they gave me a pass after some much-needed comfort and sent me to get ready for a girl’s day.
I finished getting ready and glanced in the mirror.
Be honest with yourself.
While I said I was looking out for Huntley, the truth was, I was scared of my feelings and falling short.
Because…
I thought Ilovedhim.
Besides my kids, love wasn’t something I’d thought I could be capable of. Not with a man. But Huntley had plowed into my life and sunk deep into my heart.
My sorrow-filled eyes shimmered with tears and before I could hold them back, the salty liquid fell, splashing onto the vanity surface.
And that’s how the ladies found me.
Broken over a man.
Who would have thought?
It was almost working.
I couldn’t deny that a day out with some of the ladies was helping to distract my mind from the pity party I’d been having back home. The one I’d been having for a couple of weeks, actually.
But it wasn’t enough to wipe Huntley from my thoughts all together.
He was a force and I was afraid I’d never be able to clear him from my mind…
Or my heart.
“Earth to River.”
