After our kids had gone to bed, she’d come back over like she had said she would. I relayed all the details given to me about the scene that played out in the school office earlier that day.
Lake’s eyes were wide and full of shock. “Huntley seriously said that?”
I almost didn’t believe it myself when my kids told me about Huntley’s run-in with Mr. Wilson. The more I thought about it, the more my heart flipped over how he’d gone to bat for my children and protected them as if they were his own.
My wine sloshed in my glass as laughter bubbled out of me. “Yup, he really did. The kids repeated ittwice.”
Lake took a sip of her juice. “If that wasn’t showing his temper, I’d like to see what would happen if he went back. That man is usually as cool as a cucumber and so chill. I wish I’d been a fly on the wall to see that scene unfold.”
Me too. I bet it was something.
“He gained some clout with the kids, that’s for sure. It may take a bit more time for Lennon to fully let his guarddown around him, but he made progress fast. And Bre can’t stop talking about him.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “She called him Superman.”
Lake stared at me. “Why do I sense a touch of concern in your voice along with the surprise?”
Lifting my shoulders as I dragged in a big breath, I thought about what to say. I dropped my shoulders and let out the burst of air.
“I guess because after what happened to her, I never thought she’d let someone like Huntley into her world like I see her doing. That one moment with him standing up for her has shaped the way she saw him so quickly.”
Lake didn’t know what happened to Bre and she didn’t pry, but empathy at the mention of anything happening to her niece showed in her eyes. She moved from the chair she was sitting in over to the couch next to me.
Laying her hand on mine, she asked, “And that bothers you why?”
My knee started bouncing, anxiety filtering through me. Talking about my own feelings was hard. Sure, I’d done it with a therapist many times, but not on a personal level with anyone other than my kids.
“It doesn’t bother me, itscaresme.” My sister waited, not interrupting, as I paused to collect my thoughts so I could put them into words. “I guess that’s because I can see exactly what she does: Huntley has this larger-than-life personality that has two people, who haven’t been able to trust a man, especially since it’s the last thing we expected to do, wanting to do exactly that.”
“Is that honestly bad?”
I pulled my hand from under hers and got up to pace. When I had a lot to think about I tended to do it better by making tracks on the floor.
“What if I can’t keep hanging around him or he stopsbeing around us? I don’t want Bre or Lennon to feel like they did anything wrong and bear the weight of losing someone else in their lives.”
I padded back and forth, faster and faster, everything I was thinking of gaining momentum in my head. My breathing picked up and I felt a bit lightheaded.
“River,” Lake called out softly.
Stopping in my tracks, I looked over at her.
“Is it just the kids you think would be sad if Huntley wasn’t around?”
She was pushing but in a subtle way. It wasn’t the first time I’d thought that the woman could do my job if she wasn’t so damn good at hers and wanted a change in careers.
“He’s my friend,” I admitted. “But how can he ever be more? And most guys want more, right?”
My heart lurched and I dropped to my knees, staring at my sister.
Why was I even asking this question when he never suggested he wanted anything of the sort. I waved her off. “Don’t answer that. He never said anything to indicate I was anything but a friend. I’m not thinking clearly.”
All of a sudden, Lake was on her knees in front of me and took both my hands in hers. She calmly whispered, “I see the way he looks at you and I think he will be whatever you want him to be. But if you want him as more than a friend, why couldn’t you have that?”
There it was, the grief-stricken question that I dreaded but knew was coming. I felt panic bubbling up in my chest and tears threatened to fall. Lake’s eyes held mine as the first tear dropped down my cheek. “Because he’d want to have sex.”
Lake sucked in a bit of air, a small indication that she knew my statement was leading somewhere grave. She gave my hand a soft squeeze urging me to say more but once againremained quiet letting me find my way through this at my own pace.
My emotions were taking over and I knew if I didn’t get it out, I’d probably retreat. “I just can’t go there after being brutally raped at seventeen.” As the words left my mouth, my air seized, all my oxygen having evaporated.
The tears in my eyes spilled over and began picking up speed. They rolled down my cheeks, spattering to the floor in front of me. Repulsing memories of that night slammed into me and I instantly wanted to shower and scrub them free.
