Alec’s throat worked as he swallowed. “He’d say you were too tough on yourself. That you were better than you thought.”
She nodded, blinking fast. “He trusted you, you know. I can’t tell you how many times he said he loved you like a brother.”
Alec’s jaw tightened, and, for a moment, her stalwart knight looked as if he might break. He didn’t, but his voice came low, rough. “He was my brother. Not by blood but by every damn thing that mattered.”
He opened his arms, and she fell into them, holding tight while breathing him in. “I couldn’t have gotten through this without you. You’ll never know how much that means to me.”
“You can call me anytime for anything, Em.”
She savored the feel of his lips against the top of her head and the sweep of his hands up and down her back—big, strong, and steadfast.
“You always give the best hugs,” she whispered.
He tried to ease away, but she held on, knowing this would be the last one.
“I’ll miss them.”
“You don’t have to. I’m here whenever you need one.”
“No,” she said with a shuddering breath, putting distance between them, “because I have to let you go.”
Alec jerked. Frowning, he shook his head. “This is exhaustion talking. You couldn’t have slept much these past few days.”
“I haven’t slept at all, but it’s not tiredness.” She swallowed, lips parched, throat dry. This was the most agonizing choice she’d ever had to make. It was also completely selfish, but the only way she knew to protect herself. “I love you. I have since before I could walk. But every time I look at you, I’m reminded of Ethan. Every time I see your badge, I remember what this life takes. I’m terrified of the next knock on my door. Of being asked to go to the morgue and see you lying pale and lifeless on a cold slab beneath a sheet.”
Her voice broke, as did the dam of tears that poured down her face.
“Emily—”
She shook her head, cutting him off. “I can’t lose you, too. It would break me.”
“So, you’d rather cut me out of your life altogether?” he asked, voice breaking. “Baby, that doesn’t make sense.”
“What I’d rather do is live with you on a mountaintop where the world can’t touch us. But like Ethan, you’re committed to your badge and to justice,so that can’t happen.” Emily moved her hand from his chest to his cheek. “You’ve always been my white knight, my shield, and I love you for that, but you can’t fight every battle. I have to protect myself, especially my heart. What’s left of it. Even if it means saying goodbye.”
He framed her face with both hands. “You’re not thinking straight. “You think walking away will protect you? It won’t. It’ll just leave you alone with the ghosts.”
“I already am,” she said. “This house is full of them.”
“With time—”
She let out a short, hollow, humorless laugh. “People say that to give hope when there isn’t any. Time doesn’t heal; it just teaches you how to carry the weight. It’s been two years since Mom and Dad were killed, and the wound is still as raw as ever. I’m sorry. This is how it has to be.”
“I don’t accept that. I’m not giving up on you,” he declared fiercely. “And I won’t let you give up on me. We’re all we have left.”
A painful sob bubbled up from her chest. This was torturous, and his refusal to accept her decision was making it worse.
With a watery smile she didn’t feel, she conceded. “You’re right. I’m tired. I need to lie down.”
She could see the tension leave his body. With a hint of a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, he stated, “Sleep is the best thing for you right now. I can’t promise it will be better in the morning—that’s going to take a lot of mornings—but I’ll be here for them as long as you need me. Tomorrow, that includes breakfast.”
“Okay,” she agreed, too tired and heartsick to fight him anymore.
“I’ll stay, sleep on the couch—”
“No, you’re exhausted too.”
“Em—”
