In the bakery, Quinn is dancing to some eighties crap in the kitchen.
“Morning, Catfish,” she says. “Coffee pot’s brewing if you give me a couple more minutes.”
“Just popping outside for a cigarette. Perfect timing.”
She puts her hands on her hips. “You know, you guys aren’t gonna live forever given the way you keep smoking those things.”
I pat my cut pocket to check I brought my lighter. “Not gonna live forever, anyway, doll.”
The cold bites straight through the thick leather jacket with the club patch on the back that I’m wearing over my cut as I step outside. It’s a struggle to light my cigarette in the howling wind. I turn my back to it until it’s lit.
I do a circular patrol of the property, just checking for signs of anything out of place.
Footsteps in the snow lead out to the back alley where Quinn has obviously trudged today. There’s a snow shovel up against the wall, so I make myself useful in between drags. It’s monotonous work, but I’m here, and it needs doing.
As snow curls like waves on the edge of the shovel, I think about Wren, the other reason I didn’t sleep so great last night.
Never met someone who is non-binary before, so I had no idea I’d be attracted to someone who is a revelation. When King took me to one side and told me he’d cut off my hands if anyone touched them, I bristled.
When Grudge reinforced it in our group chat, I felt an instant wave of rebellion.
Uncertain what any of it means, I grab my phone and dial Willa up again.
“Twice in one morning,” she says playfully as I exhale smoke. She flashes the camera around to show both kids sitting on their stools, tears pouring down both their faces.
I stand the shovel on its edge and lean against it. “What did my beautiful hooligans do now?”
“Mason took Maddie out as she was running to show me something. Her tooth went through her upper lip.”
I look up at the sky. “Ouch. She okay?”
I hear my sister’s rueful huff as I take a long draw on my cigarette. “She’ll be fine. The bruise on Mason’s eye from where she lifted the decorative solid brass apple and threw it at his head in revenge might take a while longer. They’re both having a quiet sit to think about their actions, while I try and save the goddamn oatmeal.”
I try not to laugh, but I can’t help it.
“Don’t you dare laugh,” my sister threatens.
“Come on, Willa. As long as no one died, it’s kinda funny. And I like that my niece won’t allow some boy to push her around.”
“Yeah. Well, you weren’t on cleanup duty. Mason wailing how he needs an icepack, Maddie wailing how blood tastes weird.”
I look up at the bakery where Wren is safe and warm and try to ignore the tiny trickle of warmth I get knowing they’re taken care of. The conversation in the kitchen was not my finest moment, but I’m sure acknowledging that they tie me up in knots is an important first step to understanding what the hell is going on.
“Can I ask you a question?” I take another drag on my cigarette.
“Always,” Willa says, and I hear the clang of a pot on the stove.
“You got any non-binary kids in your school?”
“I got all kinds of kids in my school. Why?”
I wonder what it is I’m actually asking. “Do you treat them any different?”
“If you were any closer, I’d slap you around the head for asking such a ridiculous question.”
“Ah, fuck, you know what I mean. Are there things you have to do for them that are different to the other kids, to like, include them, or make sure they’re comfortable?”
There’s a pause. “You got a specific scenario you’re talking about, River? Before I start talking about bathroom boundaries?”
