“I did. They’re on it. But I can’t just sit here, waiting for Special Agent Dorian Chase to find me. And how long does this go on for? I mean, it’s nice here, but I don’t want to feel like a caged animal for the rest of my life. This feels like retreating and not attacking.”
A silence fills the room. “I think we let Wren try,” I say.
And I make my own plan B to move them to safety in case it all goes to shit.
25
WREN
The tree-decorating party with all the families of the club is more entertaining than I would have assumed.
There’s more candy than is required, which means there are one too many kids hopped up on sugar. And there’s a lot of alcohol flowing.
Plus, this is my reminder that club girls in want of a biker husband are everywhere, and this clubhouse is no different. In a way, I admire their unabashed efforts to repeatedly put themselves out there to every single man in the room.
The sad thing about this room is that I’m not sure where I fit. The women all got the same memo to come looking sexy. And the men are all bikers. No in between. I long for a day when this world operates in grays.
I glance down at my slouchy denim pants, sneakers, and black tank top.
“I remember that voice,” Greer says, coming to stand beside me.
“What voice is that?” I ask.
“The voice that’s currently telling you that you don’t belong and don’t fit.”
She’s wearing a black jumpsuit with silver boots. She should look like an extra from a David Bowie album cover, but with her white hair and red lips, she looks…stunning.
I smile. “Greer. I’ve known you two minutes, and I wouldn’t think you had a problem fitting in anywhere.”
She shrugs. “I’m socially awkward, point out the annoying and irritating, and generally have a low to nonexistent filter. I’m educated, privileged, make my own money, and pride myself on making stellar life choices. When I first got to the club, I thought no one here could accept me, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to accept them. And yet, here I am, pregnant, engaged to a man I didn’t know last Christmas, no longer a surgeon…and happier than I have been most of my life.”
I don’t think she realizes that Butcher has stepped up behind her and is listening. The smile on his face says he’s as happy as she is.
He kisses the side of her face, keeping the two beers he’s holding away from her as he does so. “And I love you too, Doc.”
Greer grins as she watches him walk away. “Sometimes you find love and family in the most unusual places. You look like you’re doing better.”
“I am. Fresh air, wide spaces.”
She glances around us, and when she’s confident we’re alone, she whispers, “I want to be your friend, but I’m happy to be your doctor too. I can keep them separate if you can.”
“I decided. I’d like to try testosterone. Can I come see you?”
Greer nods in understanding. “Absolutely. Whenever you’re ready. But for today, come sit with me and Lucy. We’re trying to avoid Quinn because she’s trying to get us to read some book she swears is women’s fiction, but we all know is going to be some kind of erotic alien monster smut or motorcycle club romance that runs a little too close to home.”
Catfish is sitting at the bar with Atom, and as I walk by, his eyes follow me, but there are worry lines on his forehead. I want to ask him if everything is okay, if something’s bothering him. Especially if it’s something I can help with. But he’s been quiet since the call with King and Grudge. In the kitchen, earlier, he whispered to me that he’d explain everything to me later, but that we should keep our distance today.
And that’s made me feel like a dirty secret.
Plus, Grudge hadn’t wanted me to be here this afternoon with so many extraneous club members and family around. He’d thought it too risky until both Lucy and Catfish had pled my case.
Earlier, Catfish disappeared for an hour, but it was crystal clear he’d asked Jackal and Shade to keep an eye on me. They did a good job, taking me to the gym, where we lifted some heavy weights.
The more time I spend with them, the more I think I’m right about those two. There’s something about the seamless way they interact, and how Shade looks out for Jackal, that tells me they’re utterly familiar with each other, more than just friends.
I nurse my Coke. When I was younger, I went through a wild phase, drinking more than was healthy. Occasionally, I left myself wide open to the reckless behavior of others and a pathological need of my own to fit in.
But now, when everything’s shifting and moving in my life, it makes sense to keep my wits about me.
