Maybe it’s just Catfish.
River.
But I feel more peaceful inside.
Quinn is in the kitchen of the bakery when we enter through the rear door.
“Hey, Wren,” she says when she sees me. “You doing okay?” There’s worry in her eyes, and I wonder if Smoke told her what happened to me yesterday.
“Yeah. Much better. Thanks.”
“We’re moving out,” Catfish says. “Sorry for all the coming and going, but we’ll be out of your hair as soon as we have all our stuff packed up.”
Quinn pouts playfully. “But we’ve barely had a chance to get to know each other. And I wanted to talk to you about book club, you know, if you’re interested.”
“They read dirty books where people fuck like rabbits. Vampires. Monsters.Bikers!” His eyebrows wiggle at the last one.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I tend to read a lot of fantasy and science fiction.”
“Well, Greer and Lucy aren’t really big romance readers either, so they read their own thing. Some dry non-fiction shit. Or ‘the classics.’” She rolls her eyes and throws quotation marks in the air. “But you should just come. You don’t even need to bring a book. It’s just more of a way for us to get together while the big tough bikers are doing their thing.”
“I take offence,” Catfish says. “I offered to join but y’all said no.”
Quinn laughs. “Yeah. Well, book club is our equivalent ofclub business. If we aren’t allowed to join club business, you aren’t allowed to join book club business. Our next meeting is coming up.”
It’s odd in moments like this. I have to ask myself which side of this conversation I want to be on. I’m fully aware that I’m not a biker, one ofthosekinds of men. While my nature is to protect, it’s not to the lengths these men will go to. I’ve seenKing, covered in blood, carrying Rae to safety. I have no estimate of the number of men he killed to get to her.
But I’m acutely aware I’m not one of the girls, no matter what they’re doing. Sometimes, even kind offers like this make me worry I’ll be pushed into a box I’ve fought to get out of.
I guess in this situation, though, if I want to build a community, I need to pick a side, and it isn’t with the bikers who wouldn’t include me, even if I wanted them to. Even though the New Jersey bikers accepted me as I am, there were lines we didn’t cross. Things that only they could do. Which meant I was left on the other side of the equation with the old ladies.
Catfish looks at me and, as if sensing my indecision, speaks for me. “Why don’t you and the girls just come over to the ranch house for your next book club. Safer for Wren and the rest of you. I’ll even be designated driver and come get you and drop you home if your men are busy.”
Quinn grins. “Done. We can potluck it. Leave the details with me.”
“We gotta go,” Catfish says, tipping his head toward the door.
Once we hit the stairs, he reaches for my hand and squeezes it as he leads me up to the apartment. “I can get you out of it if you don’t want to attend.”
I shake my head. “It’s fine. I’ve got no idea how long I’m going to be here for. Would be good to have some friends. I got close to Niro and Spark and to Saint’s partner, Briar, and King’s wife, Rae, while I was in New Jersey. Beyond Calista and Vex. It felt good to be grounded. To have the slightest sense of putting down roots and making a home somewhere. I didn’t have as many anxiety attacks towards the end with them.”
We reach the apartment, and Catfish opens the door. “Then we’ll try to recreate that here.”
I decide not to clarify if he means he’ll help me feel grounded, or make this feel like home.
It doesn’t take long to pack up what few belongings we brought here, but I make sure to collect the crystals that Catfish’s mom sent me.
When we’re done and everything is loaded onto the truck, I take a last look around the apartment. Another place I was told to land. Another place that didn’t work.
It’s a melodramatic thought, but I wonder if I’m ever gonna land anywhere for good.
“You okay if we stop at the grocery store while we’re out? We’ll need supplies, and so does Mom.”
I shrug. “I’m easy. But please, let me pay for them. You guys are doing enough, and I can afford it.”
Catfish glances over at me. “My gut instinct is to tell you to shut up. But I get that the same shit I’d pull with women won’t work with you. So, I can’t decide whether to ignore you and lead us how I know best or let you have your way.”
“If you need some boundaries, I like being financially equal or even the breadwinner. Not dependent. And while I pretend I’m not, I think I might be more romantic than I let on. Riding Blaze with you was special.”
