Despite the time pressure, I put the main laptop in its allocated space with care. Then, I put my second device, my background engine, into its slot. It was running an attack on one of the New Jersey Outlaws’ enemies. It felt like the least I could do for all the help they have given me.
I add all the other tools into their assigned spaces and then seal the clasps on the metal carriers. These are the tools that helped me find Rae, the person King loves most in the whole world, when she was taken ten weeks ago by an up-and-coming criminal organization. She was gone for seven hours, and I’ve never seen a person land in the pits of hell so violently or suddenly as King did when he realized she was missing.
After Rae was home safe, I helped Vex track down every last one of her kidnappers, and they are up-and-coming no more.
“Just like you to care more about packing up your equipment than your clothes or personal items,” Saint says, stepping into the room.
Spark follows him. He’s fully dressed and armed for a long day. The sergeant at arms of the Outlaws is fast becoming one of my favorite people. I’ve spent time with him and his wife, Iris, as they live next door. He’s been candid with me about the impact PTSD has played in his life and what he’s had to do to overcome it.
There’s no shame when he talks about the therapist he speaks with weekly. He’s working to be a better man for Iris and their son, Archer, both of whom he adores. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man more besotted by his wife.
I want all those things for him.
And none of them for myself.
All I want is room to breathe. A space to put my arms out wide and spin in circles if I want to. Or hide, stay in bed for days, and just rest every weary bone in my body.
A place to just be me.
A place where I can make peace with the fact I ammeantto be alone because anyone I have ever loved has been taken from me.
Spark has accepted me as I am from day one. Even now, some of the other bikers step in to hug me like I’m fragile. Spark is the only one who reads me. Today, he gets it right, as usual, grabbing my hand in that way he and his brothers do before slapping me on the shoulder.
“We’re gonna miss having you around,” he says.
I swallow deeply. “Yeah.”
It’s all I can manage.
“Let’s get you to the airfield,” Saint says.
“I grabbed your toiletries from the bathroom,” Briar says, dropping the two bags by the door.
I nod, even as tears sting the bridge of my nose. These people were the closest thing I’ve felt to having family since my mom died.
“Thank you for letting me stay here with you guys,” I say. Initially, I hoped to stay with Calista and her partner, Vex, the club’s tech wizard, but we all concluded that would be too obvious. Calista and I go way back, a link that is impossible to erase given how young we were when we forged our friendship.
When I step outside, I realize there are three trucks. There’s too much December snow on the ground for bikes to move at speed safely.
Despite the early hour, Iris is by the door, wrapped in a thick coat that almost hits the ground, baby monitor in one hand. When she sees me, she hugs me tightly. “Be safe,” she whispers in my ear.
I glance over to their home, to the nursery window. “Hug Archer for me.”
She smiles softly at the mention of her baby. “I will.”
Saint and Spark drag all my belongings to the truck. Sure, maybe this time I’m running in a nice four-wheel-drive vehicle, headed to a private jet. But I’m still running, even if it’s a bit more luxurious an escape than I’m used to.
My belongings are loaded into Vex’s truck. He’s outside talking to Niro, who is holding a container.
“You’re gonna go straight to the house, right?” I overhear Vex say to Niro.
“Me and Cat have got Calista,” Niro says. “You get Wren out of here safely.”
“Hey,” I say as I approach them. It feels like there’s a foot on my chest. I can barely breathe, and it’s not just the freezing temperatures.
“Ready?” Vex asks.
“Do I really have to go all the way to Colorado?” I ask. The tone in my voice sounds whiny and so very feminine that I question my decision to not go on testosterone for a moment.
