“Thank you, Dred.For being my first.You didn’t give me time to think.”
“Is that a bad thing?”He kissed her forehead, then tilted her chin so he could look at her properly.
“No.It was a perfect thing.If I’d had time to think, I would’ve stopped.More from fear of the unknown, than really being terrified.”
Terrified he could identify with.Telling her about Petal weighed heavily on his mind.
Purple-tipped fingers fiddled with his anchor, turning it over and back.He reached for her hand and stilled it.“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“Nothing I wasn’t expecting to begin with, then everything I wasn’t at the end.”She blushed and ducked her head away.
Quickly he grabbed a tissue and dealt with the condom.They lay cuddled up against each other for a while, neither in a hurry to get out of bed.Dred realized he needed to tell her about Petal.He wouldn’t put secrets between them.It wasn’t fair to Pixie, and it wasn’t fair to Petal.She wasn’t a dirty secret.
He drew her fingers to his lips and kissed them.“I need to tell you something, and I’m scared shitless.”
She looked back at him, her face full of concern.“What is it?”
He took a deep breath, knowing how shocking the news would be.“I became a father recently, to a little girl ...wait, where are you going?”Pixie pulled out of his arms and scurried to the end of the bed, pulling the silk robe off the bedpost, which she then slipped on and wrapped tight around her waist.
“You’re a father?Oh my ...Are you in a relationship already?”She attempted to stand, but he reached for her arm and pulled her, kicking and fighting, back against him.
“No, I’m not.And trust me, while I’m not proud of this story, I’ve done nothing wrong here except have sex with the wrong woman nine months ago.So please, stop struggling and listen.”
Pixie stopped.“I’m listening.”
Dred hated the look of hurt etched across her features.In the space of an hour, he’d sent her soaring and crashing.He was an asshole.“My mom had some issues.My childhood sucked beyond belief because of it.So I’ve never wanted kids because of the way I was raised, and because the lifestyle I lead can be very unpredictable.”
Pixie paled at his comments.Shit.He wasn’t sure what had caused it.Did his story appall her?Did she want kids of her own?Fuck.Why hadn’t that occurred to him?
“Anyway, I’ve always taken precautions, and ...I ...erm, well I always used my own.But I got caught out by the oldest trick in the fucking book.And now I have a kid.”He sat up in the bed, kicking himself for bringing his dirty fucked-up mess to Pixie’s bedroom.Her perfect white sheets suddenly seemed too clean for his skin.
“Shit, Pixie,” he said softly, his throat raw.“She’s notjusta kid.She’s the tiniest, cutest little thing called Petal.”
“And the mother?”Pixie sat up and joined him.
“A bitch who tricked me.I found out the baby was mine the day you flew home.That was the phone call.”
“What are you going to do?”
“That’s the irony of it, Pix.I don’t know.But I have lawyers working on it.And social workers, because Amanda didn’t stop using while she was pregnant.Petal was born with neonatal abstinence syndrome.”He shook his head and dropped it to his knees.“My daughter was born addicted to drugs.”His voice broke on the words.
“Oh.God,” Pixie gasped.“I’m so sorry, Dred.”She moved to her knees, and put her arms around his shoulders, the move comforting.
“This isn’t how I saw our relationship starting, Pix,” he whispered.“It isn’t even how I saw today going when I got on that plane this morning.But I don’t want those kinds of secrets between us.Do you?”
Chapter Eleven
The clock next to the bed flipped from 3:59 to 4:00 a.m.Pixie watched it change as she had every minute for the last hour.
The alarm was set for five, Dred’s private jet was taking him back to Toronto at six thirty, but sleep was elusive.
Her back was pressed tight to Dred’s chest, his arms wrapped around her waist.Thoughts shot around her head faster than the rhythm to one of Dred’s songs.He had a child.He didn’t want secrets.He hated Amanda for taking drugs while pregnant.Why she hadn’t come clean and confessed to him then and there she wasn’t sure, but she suspected it might be something to do with the look of absolute disgust when he’d talked about his mother, and the mother of his child.If the idea of taking drugs was so abhorrent to him, she could only imagine what would happen when she told him some of the sordid things she’d been expected to observe or take part in.
Yet in the same breath, the idea of him leaving and going back to Toronto ripped her in two.She wished he lived closer, perhaps did something a little more normal than being an international rock god.But then he wouldn’t be Dred.
She slipped out of bed and went into her sewing room, the one she hadn’t asked for but Lia had provided anyway.It was a bone of contention between them.Her backpack sat on the desk.She opened it and withdrew the envelope containing the five hundred dollars had Arnie asked for.
Was she really going to give him some of her hard-earned cash?And what would happen when she ran out?Because he’d keep coming back.All she was doing was delaying the inevitable while she clutched at straws for other solutions.What would happen if she told him it was all she had, but that he was welcome to it if he walked away permanently?
