He sliced some fresh fruit and whipped up omelets.
He placed their breakfast on the bar, took the stool next to her, and cupped her thigh.
The twenty minutes it had taken to make breakfast hadn’t helped him figure out what to say.Cujo just stared straight ahead.
“I had cancer.Metastatic non-seminoma testicular cancer.Ironic, huh?I don’t know if it will come back, and I’m pretty sure I can’t have kids.”Not the gentlest of explanations.
“Cujo,” she said, breathlessly, her hand reaching for his.“Do you have it now?”
He dropped his fork on his plate.“No.I was eighteen.Had to have one of my… Christ.”This was harder than he’d imagined.He took a minute, then continued.“I had to have a retroperitoneal lymph node dissection because it spread.
“They removed the lymph nodes at the back of my abdomen.And my left nut is a fake.Feel free to give it a squeeze if you like,” he said, trying to smile.He picked up his fork and shoveled another bite of eggs into his mouth.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Brody.”
“I like it.”He turned to face her.
“Like what?Cancer?”she asked, surprised.
“No,” he laughed, lifting their joined hands to his lips.“That you call me Brody.I don’t think anyone else does, really.”
“Why does everyone call you Cujo?No, wait, back up.Why do you think telling me about the cancer would change my mind about you?”
“Because when Mom left, I stayed over at Trent’s, and he gave me his dad’s copy of Stephen King’sCujo.”
“And you loved it?”
He was grateful she didn’t push him for the tough answer.“No, it scared me so much I ended up peeing the bed.Trent felt guilty.Thought it would take my mind off things, not scare the crap out of me.Never told a soul why he gave me that name, but everyone thought it was because I was a bit crazy, so it stuck.”
Drea covered her mouth with her hand.
“It’s okay, you can laugh.”
Drea burst out laughing.“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
They fell silent for a while.When she finished eating, Drea looked at him again.“Why now, Cujo?”
He faced her, rubbed his hands up and down her thighs.“Because I haven’t had a serious relationship before.I don’t know when the right time would be.I want to give you the chance to leave now.You’ve spent years looking after your mom.I don’t want you to ever have to do the same for me.”
He stood, clearing the plates from the breakfast bar.This all felt too soon.Reservations about being in a relationship still haunted him, despite his growing feelings for Drea.It was a cluster fuck in his mind.
Coffee.He needed a cup.He reached for two mugs out of the cupboard.Hands snaked around his waist, and a rush of relief flooded through him when Drea pressed her forehead to his back.
The cups rattled as he settled them on the counter.He placed his hands over the top of hers.
“I’m not leaving,” she whispered.“At least, not because of what you just told me.Just don’t get rid of the bed,” she added.He smiled, turning to envelop her in his arms.
“It means the world to me, but do you really know what it means for you?”Could she possibly comprehend how sick he could be if it came back?Was it fair to ask her to make a lifelong decision that could lead to never having kids with him?
“It means if it gets hard, I have to take care of you, right?”Her mouth turned up at the corner wryly.She was quoting him.
“Yeah,” he breathed, pulling her closer.“Normal people don’t have this conversation early, but it means I might never be able to have kids with you.”
“Can I ask… have you been tested?Like do you know for sure you can’t?”
“About a year after surgery, it hadn’t come back.I had some sperm frozen, but I was already really ill when it happened.They told me it wasn’t great quality.”
