It didn’t become clear to Teddy nor Nikki just how muchPopwas giving her fits again until she lifted her sunglasses off of her large eyes and sat those glasses on top of her thick hair. Only her eyes weren’t full of life and vibrancy the way they usually were. They looked tired and strained, as if she’d been crying more times than she’d ever want anybody to know. Under the table, Teddy’s shoe kicked lightly against Nikki’s shoe as if to ask her with that kick if she saw it too. Nikki looked at Teddy and gave a quick nod. She saw it too.
After the waitress came over and took Roz’s drink order and left, Teddy looked at her. “Ma, do you really think this is gonna work?”
“It’s not about if it works or not,” said Roz as she removed her scarf and sat it on her lap. “It’s about letting somebody else call him on his shit. I’m tired of doing it. Charles and Millie’s tired of doing it. Reno, Sal, and Tommy don’t wanna get involved in Mick’s shit because they know how he is. You two are all I have left.”
“But what do you want to accomplish?” Nikki asked.
A depressed look came over Roz’s eyes as she sat there, her hands in her lap, momentarily. “I truly don’t know, Nikki. But I can’t keep going on this way. And I know I say that more times than I say my name, but it’s the truth this time. I’m too damn old.”
“Old?” Teddy’s voice was incredulous. “You? Ma, you don’t look a day over thirty.”
“For real,” agreed Nikki.
But Roz would hear none of it. “Looking and feeling are two different things. My ass may not look that old, but let’s face it: I’m no kid anymore okay? And living with a man like your father ages you even faster. I don’t feel like myself, that’s the problem. I don’t feel like I know who I am anymore and I don’t like feeling this way. Something has got to change.”
They had never seen Roz so determined. That much was different.
After the waitress returned with Roz’s drink order and left again, Teddy, who was not only close in age to his stepmother but was her close confidant too, decided to change the subject. “How are rehearsals going?”
It was a good decision. It seemed to lift Roz’s spirit immediately. “It’s all good actually. Kelly’s working us like damn slaves, but he’s getting the best out of us too. Opening night is less than a couple months away and he wants us ready. But that’s Kelly. Nobody does it better. I love that man’s hustle.”
It wasn’t lost on Teddy nor Nikki the way Roz lit up when she said that name. “Who’s Kelly?” Nikki asked her.
“He’s our director. I’ve known him for years. If it wasn’t for his advocacy, I wouldn’t have gotten the lead.”
“With your talent? Why not?”
“Because Broadway is never about your past successes, Nikki. It is and will always be about what have you done for me lately. And I haven’t done shit lately. That’s why they wanted a bigger name that’s hot right now, but Kelly told them if I don’t get the lead they won’t get him as director. Since he’s the biggest name out there in terms of directors right now, I got the lead.”
“He sounds like a great man.”
“Oh he is, Nikki. He is so . . .”
Teddy hit Nikki’s shoe again with his shoe.
“He’s just the best.” Then Roz smiled. “Last night, after rehearsal, you know what he did?”
“What did he do?” asked Teddy.
“He comes into my dressing room, gets down on his knees with the biggest diamond rock in his hand that I’ve seen in a long time, and he asks me to marry him.”
Although Roz laughed, Teddy and Nikki glanced at each other with deep concern in their eyes. Did she just say what they thought she said?
Teddy looked at her. “But you’re already married, Ma.”
Roz looked sidelong at Teddy. “Don’t you know I know that fool? Kelly knows it too. He jokes around like that.” Then that smile on her face turned to something different. Something they couldn’t define.
“What is it, Ma?” Nikki asked her.
“The crazy thing was that when he got on his knees and actually saidwill you marry meto me, I wished. . .”
They were staring unblinkingly at Roz. “You wished what?” Teddy asked her.
“I wished I could have said yes.”
Those words stunned Teddy and Nikki. They glanced at each other in shock, and then looked at Roz.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Roz fired back at them. “That’s where it’s at with me and Mick. That’s how fed up I am that I would even entertain another man’s joke proposal.”
