I nod in answer to his question, then pause and surprise myself by shaking my head.
“Are you regretting it?”
I continue shaking my head. “I wouldn’t change my decision. I’m thrilled by the experience and I feel like I’ve grown so much as a person and a dancer. Like, there were days when I didn’t think I could do it, and then I did it anyway. Plus, I’m dancing all the time and I swear, there’s healing in movement. I wish more people would just get up and dance more. Have a bad day? Turn on some music and move. The world would be a happier place.”
Nash huffs a laugh. “I think you mean stranger place. Imagine people just randomly dancing down the aisle of the grocery.”
“Yeah. Sure.” I sip my coffee, grinning at the thought. “But also, happier. I feel like we need a little more of that and a little less of what we have.”
He considers my point, and I prepare myself for his searing rebuttal. Instead, he shrugs, sits back, and says, “You’re probably right.”
“Woah. You’re conceding without a fight? That is a change I’m not prepared for.” I take a bite of eggs. “Tell me about you. What’s going on in Nash-ville?”
“Started playing my guitar again.” He delivers the news like it’s no big deal. Like he’s telling me it rained on Tuesday when really a hurricane struck the whole Eastern half of the country.
“You didn’t!”
“I did.” He nods, cracking the smallest of smiles. “It’s not amazing. I’m nowhere near as talented as Sandro or Grayson but it feels good to have it back in my life. Something that’s not work. That’s just for me.”
“I’m proud of you. And speaking of work, how’s the new job?” I inwardly cringe. I never understood why he took the admin job and he hasn’t really talked about the why or what of it. Could be because we never have time to get into stuff like that. Or it could be because he’s miserable.
“I hate it,” he says, andthere’sa glimpse of that hurricane. His eyes darken. His jaw tenses. “I thought I’d have a chance to make changes from the inside but it’s like beating my head against a brick wall.”
“Honestly,” I say, “I was so surprised when you took that job.”
“I’ll trade you honesty for honesty. I didn’t want to take it. But the timing was hard to ignore.”
Nash explains that the day he was offered the promotion was the day I told him about the offer to join the tour. “I had it all worked out in the car. I was going to tell you that you didn’t have to leave Stillwater. That the pay raise and stable hours meant we could really start building something. Instead, you told me about the tour, and I just let you go.”
Well, that’s news to me. I flash back to my conversation with Stella and Gabby, me admitting that if Nash had asked me to stay, I would have.
“Why didn’t you say something?” I ask, sitting back in my chair.
“I told myself it was because I didn’t want to be the guy standing in the way of your dreams, which was true. Or that I didn’t want to fight for yet another relationship we both knew was doomed, which was also true. Butalso? I was scared. Asking you to stay would have put me in a vulnerable situation. I didn’t want to get hurt again.”
“Fair enough.”
He takes a drink of his coffee, regarding me over the edge of his mug. “Can I ask you a question?”
I nod.
“I heard that if I’d asked you to stay, you would have. Why didn’t you say that? You said you weren’t sure you wanted to go; why not say you really wanted to stay?”
I put down my coffee and sit back. “I was scared, Nash. Just like you. What if you didn’t want me? I don’t have a way to support myself. No education. No skills. Not even a place to stay. It seemed like you wanted me to go, so I went.”
“I wonder what would have happened if we’d just been honest with each other.”
I lean my elbows on the table and take his hand. “At least we’re being honest with each other now.”
The next question that comes to mind is a hard one. One I don’t know the answer to. One Nash probably doesn’t either. My instinct is to smile past it, to enjoy his company, to keep things easy and light because I only have him for such a short time and we can figure out the hard stuff later.
But it’s that kind of thinking that got us into this mess.
I take a deep breath and ask, “So what do we do now?”
Nash runs his hand through his hair. “In the short term, I thought we’d finish breakfast. MaybeI’d get you naked. Then take you out on the town because you deserve at least one city you remember.”
“Believe me. I’ll remember Phoenix for the rest of my life. But I was talking about?—”
