When she told Shameeka about her plans for the dinner, her friend sounded surprised but was generally supportive. They skirted the discussion of what happened at the bar, even though Tina would have reported it to their friend. Something still felt strained between them.Is this what maturing means for a friendship? That if you change, you risk drifting apart?
Anika’s phone buzzes in her hand, making her jump, and then her heart races even faster when she sees that it’s a reply from Kwesi. She blinks hard, opening it quickly.
I don’t know if that’s a great idea right now.
At least it’s not acompleteslam of the door. It’ll have to do for now.
A while later, the door to the treatment room opens and Anikalooks up sharply as the Australian tech re-enters.
‘OK, Ms Lapo. Time’s up. Let’s get you scanned and make sure there’s none of those nasty abnormal cells still floating about in there, eh?’
Anika freezes as she begins to stand from the recliner chair. ‘What do you mean?’
The technician turns back to her after scanning his clipboard. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I just … Obviously we’re usually checking for cancers with this scan so I just—’
‘Wh-what?’ Anika says, her hand trembling as she reaches for her bag. ‘I’mfine.’ She’s jolted by the force of her voice, and the tech holds up a hand in an apologetic half-shrug.
‘I’m sure you are,’ he says gently, holding the door to wait for her exit from the room, from the wordcancerthat still echoes around it. She thinks of that day when her dad took her to buy music, Nelson avoiding the word as he told her he was ill.
Has she been doing the same?
Later that evening, Anika clicks her pen over the page for the all-important entry for tomorrow. Cam landed from Germany earlier in the afternoon and, after a quick freshen-up at home, he insisted on coming straight round to hers, so as he wraps up a phone call in the kitchen she takes the opportunity to finish while he’s out of view.
Friday 7th September
Got home from work in plenty of time to get ready for the big dinner, putting together the perfect ’fit, then Cam came and picked me up, looking delicious himself as usual. Things are on a great level for us now. It’s only a matter of time before he confirms exactly how he’s feeling.
The cabs arrived as arranged to collect us all, everyone coordinated as planned and we arrived bang on time at Stacey’s place. The dinner was OH MY GOSH. Impeccable. I’ve never had food so delicious, andto be honest it was just amazing that the whole shebang was at the behest of lil’ ol’ me. Everyone got on, chat flowed freely and it was so good to have everyone there.
Basically the night did everything I wanted it to do in terms of being cathartic and ending things on the me I’ve been. This was a launching pad into the Me I Wanna Be! (OK, Oprah!)
Anika finishes up and shuts the diary, tucking it into the sofa cushions just as she hears Cam walking back down the hallway.
‘’Sante? Bruv, bruv, I agree. Seriously, it was their fuck-up. They’ll sort it. All right, cool. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,’ Cam is saying, smiling at Anika as he sits back down on the sofa next to her. He hangs up the call, and gives her a peck on the cheek. ‘Sorry, gorgeous.’
‘Everything good?’
‘Yeah, yeah, just some minor nonsense with the distributors.’ He leans forward to take a sip of the tea that’s been getting cold on the coffee table, then looks back at Anika over his shoulder, a smile still curling his lips. ‘Hmm. Ms Lapo,’ he says, like it’s a complete statement.
‘Me?’ She smiles back.
‘You.’
But her smile begins to falter as she glances at the pinprick in the crook of her arm where the port had been earlier today. Maybe one day ahead at a time isn’t enough any more …
Cam puts his drink down again and picks up the remote – but he doesn’t press play on the paused image of Regina King from their favourite show,The Leftovers. Instead, he turns to look at Anika. Her heart kicks up a notch, wondering if he’s finally going to address the L-word. ‘You OK?’ he asks. ‘You’ve been looking a bit …’
Anika interrupts with a light-hearted scoff, but there’s anger nestled behind it. ‘Really know how to compliment a girl, eh?’
Cam laughs and shakes his head, looking at Anika with a disarming stare and reaching to brush her braids back over her shoulder. ‘You’ve never been less than utterly beautiful.’ He holds her gaze for a moment. ‘I just meant you look a bit tired. New job and all. Makes me think, it’s really not that long ago you were in hospital and I just wanted to make sure that—’
‘I’m fine,’ Anika says quickly, moving away from his touch a bit.
Cam is quiet for another beat, then leans back against the sofa beside her. ‘OK,’ he says gently. He hits the play button on the remote, but after a moment he pauses the show again. Anika looks at him. He seems to be contemplating something and rubs his eyebrow, beginning to speak without looking at her. ‘Look, I know that …’ She shuffles awkwardly in her seat. Cam starts again. ‘Remember that night?’ He looks at her now, eyes connecting with hers in a way that sends a dart of emotion through her. ‘The night we first properly talked, and then the park … ?’
‘Of course I do,’ she says quietly. She’s jolted into the recollection of him pushing her away that night, too. ‘I remember you told me to leave.’ Anika looks down at her hands.
Cam stares at the frozen screen. ‘That’s the thing, though. I didn’t want you to go. I wanted to protect you. And I was scared and … It was the first night Igot it. Life. How amazing things can run right alongside the darkest shit. How you have to be able to stomach both, or you’ll be …’ He motions one horizontal palm through the air. ‘Flattened by it.’
