‘Anika.’
She’s still standing by the kerb right outside the hotel, the combination of hipster gentrifiers smoking vapes and OG Peckham residents carrying their evening shopping hustling around her. Anika turns to see Cam amble slowly towards her, hands in his pockets. When he reaches her, he slowly pulls them out to reach them towards her. She considers if she should turn away, but she’s unable to resist stepping into his arms. He draws her close, gently this time.
‘S-sorry,’ she mumbles into his shoulder, trying hard not to sob into it.
He shrugs, gently jostling her. ‘I knew you were handy but you came with some Laila Ali shit back there. Rumble, young woman, rumble.’
Anika laughs half-heartedly into the soft material of his sweatshirt before pulling away, relieved to see that at least she hasn’t left any mascara on it. ‘I … Cam, I don’t really know what happened,’ she says. ‘Fuck, what did Tina—’
‘She’s fine. I told her I’d come and take you home.’
Anika swipes her fingers under her eyes to clear any tears, stillstunned at herself. ‘Fuck,’ she repeats in a whisper. She’ll have a lot of explaining to do for something she can’t quite explain to herself.Kwesi .. . She swallows hard, tears threatening again. Why does she keep fucking things up with him when he’s done nothing wrong? If anything, he’s been doing everything right. Fresh columns of tears heat her cheeks and she swipes them again urgently. She has to get a handle on herself, and fast. She can’t ruin everything she’s been working for, not now.
Cam pulls out his phone. ‘Cab’s just around the corner.’ He gathers Anika to him again and they wait in silence.
There’s not a huge amount more conversation in the taxi, nor as they reach her block of flats. The silence that’s settled between them is portentous, restless. Anika lets them into her building with her fob, the emotions of the night continuing to thrum through her. They’ve left her feeling helpless – wild, but absolutely not in the way she’s been aspiring to all these weeks. Her hand is still trembling slightly as she unlocks her front door. She can feel Cam watching her, his whole face a question. Then, just as she’s about to push the door to her flat open, he straightens up as though he’s alighted on some kind of answer. Cam’s hand circles her lower back for a moment, comforting, but then moves up under the length of her braids and tightens slowly on the back of her neck.
Anika feels her body go on alert. Her head no longer hangs low. Something in his touch makes her breathing quicken. She can feel his eyes boring into her, and she turns her gaze up and slightly over one shoulder to meet his. Cam’s eyes are dark, glistening with concern and queries and severity and desire … He seems to silently be asking her to trust him, and she does.I have since the first second I saw you, she tells him without words. Cam’s free hand reaches past her to smack the door wider, swinging it into the darkness of the corridor inside. He guides Anika indoors, turning to shut the door behind them withdeliberate care as she kicks her shoes off.
‘Stay there.’ His voice is a rumble as he drops the chain into place. Anika waits, heat gathering through her whole body. She wants him to take over. She needs this, and somehow Cam knows that she does. She hears him approach behind her and then she’s spun around by Cam’s strong hands on her shoulders. Face to face, he edges her backwards until she’s pressed against the wall in the corridor, her large, framed Joy Yamusangie print swinging as her shoulder nudges it. Cam’s body crowds into her, surrounding her. Anika presses her eyelids down, the sound of her breath constricting high and needy in her throat.
‘Open them,’ Cam whispers, the command both stern and tender somehow. His eyes are waiting when she does. Seeing her.
His chest still pressed to hers, Cam reaches for Anika’s wrists, lifting them until her arms are above her head, one held up in each of his hands. She strains her neck forward, trying to kiss him, but Cam pulls away, his lids lowered now as he looks down at her.
‘Yes?’ he asks.
‘Yes,’ she says, panting.
He leans forward, unhurriedly pressing her mouth open with his kiss, his tongue moving in long, hot sweeps against hers. One hand continues holding her wrists up in their elevated position, the other sliding slowly, painfully slowly, down the bare skin of her arm leaving a trail of goosebumps. Cam’s thumb brushes the damp of her armpit as his hand continues its journey, grazing down her ribcage until it comes to rest under the weight of her breast.
‘OK?’
Anika nods quickly, and his hand presses up over her breast through the cover of her clothing, kneading and pinching, then moving in to undo the buttons of her top with deft fingers. Anikagasps as the warmth of his palm finds the skin of her abdomen. Like he always seems to, he lets his hand rest there over her scars for a moment, like a benediction. Like he knows her weakness and her power reside in the same place. He kisses her mouth again, her chin, her neck, her collarbone, and Anika moans into his mouth, writhing, trying to pull her wrists out of the restraint of his hand. Cam lifts his head at the sound, the movement.
‘You want to break free?’ he murmurs, his lips brushing hers gently, but his hand tightening its grip. Anika nods, her eyes flicking up to meet his. ‘Try harder.’
She pulls her wrists, trying to free them and relishing the burn of his unrelenting grip. Cam moves her arms up higher, his other hand coming to join in again now, making it more difficult for Anika to free herself. She’s forced onto her tiptoes and Cam presses his chest into her once more. The pressure feels perfect, and Anika can feel the blood beginning to drain down her arms.
‘Try harder,’ Cam says again, then dips his mouth to her neck, sucking hard. The pleasure of the sensation makes Anika thrash her body urgently, trying and not trying to break away from him, letting the unspent energy she’s been feeling be absorbed into this task. As her body bucks, Cam releases her arms at last, and, without thinking, Anika pushes him away, hard. He stumbles backwards, his back hitting the wall opposite her. They’re both panting and Cam’s gaze finds her in the dark.
He waits a beat, then says, ‘Good.’ Stepping towards her again, Cam grabs her wrists once more and this time presses her hands against his chest where they had just landed. ‘Push harder.’
Anika smacks her palms against the firmness of his pecs, then repeats the action, moving him backwards until Cam is against the wall again. Tears prickle her eyes as she clenches her fists, pummelling at his shoulders. He takes it, watching her. Maybe he understands not having a reason to be so angry. Loss will do that to you. And maybe blame has numbed him to punishment.Eventually Cam encircles her wrists again, stilling the beating. Anika’s breath sounds high and rapid in the otherwise quiet, dark corridor.
‘Mmhmm. OK.’ Cam’s voice is soft and he wraps his arms around her, cocooning her tightly like he did back at the bar. He stumbles them back again like a strange tennis match to the other side of the corridor, pressing her against the hard surface of the wall. The push and pull feels so right, Anika whimpers in pleasure. Cam lets her go to lift his hands to her jaw, tilting her face as he delivers another overwhelming kiss. His fingertips skim down into the warmth inside her open shirt. He breaks his mouth away and his thumbs begin to circle her nipples over her bra, achingly slowly, bringing them to even harder peaks. Cam suddenly pinches hard, sending a delicious thrill of pain radiating through her body. Anika cries out.
‘That feel good?’
‘Yes.’ She reaches for him, trying to press her mouth back to his.
‘I think we’re getting somewhere,’ he says, his voice gravelly. He takes her hand, leading her down the corridor to the bedroom. He beckons her with his other hand, not looking back. Anika pads silently after him and he lets go of her hand as they enter the room, moonlight shining through the slats in the open shutters.
Cam’s eyes drink her in, her shirt flapping open on the breeze of her movement. He drags his sweatshirt off, throwing it onto the back of the chair in the corner of her room and straightening out the white T-shirt he has on beneath it. Then he eats up the distance between them, striding over and allowing her to press her lips against his again. He reaches around her to grip the zipper of her silky culottes.
‘Shall I take these off?’ he murmurs as he does, and she nods vigorously. The zip edges down languidly, the snug material gradually giving way around her hips until it slips to the floorand Anika steps out of it. ‘How about these?’ Cam asks, one finger pulling at the elastic of her underwear.
Another nod. His movements are slow, considered and utterly torturous. After removing her pants, Cam takes her hand and hovers it near his crotch, raising a questioning eyebrow. Anika assents, and he presses her hand over his flat-front slacks. She tightens her fingers eagerly around the hardness she finds there, and he groans. Stepping out of her grip, Cam licks his lips and begins unbuckling his belt, unzipping his trousers and stepping out of them in an easy movement. He pulls his T-shirt off while Anika sheds the rest of her clothing. She can see him straining against his boxer briefs even in the dim light. Cam moves behind her and sits down heavily on the bed, his legs spread wide as Anika turns around, her chest rising and falling fast. He doesn’t reach for her and she feels a strange tension watching him watch her. His jaw muscles clench.
