She leaves her plastic flute of lukewarm sparkling wine untouched on the table, feeling liberated and triumphant as she begins winding her way through the bystanders eyeing her curiously. As she’s picking up her handbag and the company-branded tote bag that she filled up with the miscellany accumulated on her desk, Anika hears someone cough. Turning around while hoisting the strap of the tote onto her shoulder, Anika sees Laila, the one colleague she thinks she might actually miss, standing a few steps away. Her big white headphones are nestled around her neck.
‘Quite the speech,’ she says, folding her arms. Anika begins to formulate a joking reply, but the rueful set of Laila’s mouth stops her short. ‘You know, I’m glad you’re stepping into your truth or whatever, and the new job sounds amazing and everything, but …’ She frees one hand to fiddle with a stapler on the desk she’s leaning her hip against. ‘You’re right. Nobody was forcing you to stay all this time, Anika. There wasn’t really any need to shit on the job, or the rest of us. We all just do what we need to do to get by, right? You as well. Just … don’t forget that, OK?’ Watching Anika, Laila gives a short, regretful sigh then moves over to her own desk, sits down, settles her headphones onto her head and begins to type.
Slightly stunned, Anika is unsure how to respond. She picks up her handbag and heads out to the lobby, glancing back through the glass doors to look at her empty desk one more time.
Chapter Forty
Anika’s brain continues to fizz with contradicting thoughts as she makes her way down in the lifts and out through the lobby of the building. She’s due to head to the new bar-and-event space that Tina has been managing for the last few weeks, located in a recently opened boutique hotel in Peckham. As Anika arrives at the train station, she’s eager to leave all the old office politics behind.
In Peckham, she walks up the high street, checking her phone to confirm the location, but as she arrives and pushes through the rotating doors of the conspicuously shabby-chic building, Anika frowns as another bout of light-headedness sweeps over her. She puts it down to the motion of the doors and it dissipates as she pauses in the bustle of the lobby. The space is nice, but it’s been curated to within an inch of its life. Tina has been insisting her friends check it out for a while, and they’ve finally found a coordinating time in their diaries – including Cam. Anika is humming with excitement to see him, but even with the aid of the diary she’s also nervous for him to properly hang out with T, Shamz and Maia.
The deep-blue walls of the space are punctuated with brass accessories and a curved wooden reception desk. The large raw oak tables on the other side of the lobby are populated by stylish people in their early twenties obliviously bashing the keys of their MacBooks. Anika looks down at her phone as it buzzes in her hand with a message.
I’m in the bar. But I’ve just seen this absolute stunner with arse-length braids, so it’s curtains for us. Apologies, Ms Lapo.
Anika turns, making a show of swinging her new hair over one shoulder as she spots a short flight of stairs that lead down into the bar space. Cam is sitting on a plush stool at the bar, one foot on the floor, the other propped on the brass piping of the seat. His head tips forward characteristically as he gives Anika a small salute. The baby blue of his expensively simple sweatshirt is perfect against his skin. He looksdelicious.
‘Let me see this bitch I’ve got to fight, then,’ she says, walking over and up close so that she’s standing almost in between Cam’s legs. He pulls her at the waist so that she’s flush against him, nestling his forehead against hers.
‘Uh uh. No feistiness, Anika Lapo, or I’ll have to bend you over my knee right here.’ It should beFifty Shadesof cheesy, but the notion sends a thrill right to her centre. She kisses Cam in a manner that leaves no ambiguity about that, but breaks away when she hears Tina’s voice behind her.
‘This isn’t that kind of establishment, darlings,’ Tina says. Anika turns around with a grin and lunges for her friend, pressing her lips to Tina’s jokingly. ‘Awright, awright, I knew you wanted to snog me all these years, babe. All you had to do was ask.’ Tina pats Anika’s bum. ‘Ooh, these are nice,’ her friend adds, returning her hand to the area to smooth over the thick satin of Anika’s recently acquired wide-leg trousers. ‘Anyway, Cam, hi!’
Anika steps to one side so that they can hug hello, Cam standing up like a gentleman, of course. ‘You two have met, right?’ Anika asks, suddenly feeling a bit shy.
‘Yeah. Plus, I feel like we’re intimately acquainted by you lipsing us both,’ Cam says, giving Tina his customary, charming grin.
‘I’m celebrating life, innit.’ Anika slips an arm around Tina’s waist and squeezes her. ‘More sins, more wins!’
Tina grabs Anika’s chin and widens her eyes, peering at her. ‘Hi, is Neeks in there please?’
Spontaneously, Anika decides to confirm what she’s been mulling since the doctor’s office. ‘I’ve been thinking … I do want to do something with a bit of a splash, actually,’ she says.
Tina releases Anika’s chin and upends her lips in an ‘ooh, get her’ expression. ‘Do tell. But first, you guys need to try one of these new cocktails …’ She gestures to the barman. ‘Josh, can we get three of the Red Rums, please?’ The bartender nods. ‘So what do you mean by “doing something with a splash”, hon?’ Tina asks, turning back to them.
Anika looks between Cam and Tina. ‘I’m going to have a party!’
‘Rah, OK! You reallyaregiving brand-new vibes, hon,’ Tina says.
‘Well, just something smallish, you know. But, like, something to celebrate … me, I guess.’ She does deserve to be celebrated for what she’s discovered she’s capable of – and to thank her friends and family for their support, too. It all needs to be marked in some way, to cement her new beginning, lock it unshakably in place.
So that it can’t be taken away from her.
Tina exchanges glances with Cam, a frown-smile creasing her forehead beneath the fringe of her sleek wig. Anika’s jaw clenches for a moment, but she works to loosen it.
‘I mean, definitely,’ Tina says. She pauses for a moment. ‘You deserve to be celebrated, Neeks, I’ve just literally never known you to willingly be the centre of attention, that’s all. I love that we’ll get to properly spoil you for once. Lemme chat to—’
‘No.’ Anika says it a bit too quickly. Nosurprises– it’s right there in her list of evergreen affirmations. That’s why she wants to do this for herself, so she can keep control ofeverything. Suddenly that feels very important to her. ‘I’ll sort it, babe. Thank you though.’ Anika makes sure she smiles as she speaks. ‘You know I hate things being sprung on me.’Hah. Understatement. Or … PTSD.She can feel Cam eyeing her with a quizzical look that, for a second, sends a spike of irritation through her.
‘All righty,’ Tina says. ‘Well, when and where is this party going to be, then?’ Anika can tell she’s slightly offended. ‘Does Shamz know about this plan?’
Anika exhales a gust of air, ignoring the question. ‘I reckon this weekend, if I can pull it all together in time? An intimate thing, just a handful of us, you know? Maybe my mum and stuff, sit-down dinner vibes. This Sierra Leonean chef I follow on Instagram has just started a private dining experience …’ She’ll have to figure out a way to pay for it, and to secure a booking at such short notice, but luck is on her side with the flip of a diary page. ‘I’ll give everyone the details soon.’
Anika feels Cam’s hand on the small of her back, a wordless question. She turns and smiles at him, but it still feels a little forced. Their cocktails are placed on the bar and Tina gestures a long, elegant hand towards them with a flourish, picking her own up and taking a sip. She winks at the bartender, circling her index finger and thumb to approve. She turns back to Anika and Cam. ‘Right, you two. I’d better get back to it. I’m looking forward to hearing more about this soiree, hon.’ Anika’s teeth press together. ‘I’ll check in with you lot in a bit, yeah? Oh, shit, look—’ She holds up her phone just as Anika’s also buzzes in her bag. ‘Shamz just messaged they can’t come down tonight. Mai’s under the weather so they’ve decided to stay at home.’
Anika’s disappointed, having just started to get back on track with Shameeka. She can’t help wondering if it’s the meet-the-boyfriend moment that’s spurred this change of plans?No, Maia’s probably really ill. You should be messaging wellwishes.But Anika can’t shake the feeling that now things are going well for her, Shamz can’t wrap her head around it.Projecting?a small voice in her head counters. Pulling away from it, Anika says, ‘Oh, OK. Well, thanks for these, hon.’ She clinks her cocktail glass against Tina’s, then Cam’s. After Tina makes her way back towards the hostess station, Anika continues to sip her drink, still in her head.
‘You good?’ Cam asks, elbow on the bar, leaning away to assess her.
