Cam’s mother nods. ‘Mmhmm, yes, that is what I heard. Say hello to her for me, OK?’ Her eyes linger for a while longer, then eventually turn towards Cam. ‘Where is your Aunty Nadia?’ He nods towards the kitchen, but his mother doesn’t move away yet. She looks between the two of them wordlessly, her expression some strange mixture of pleased and sorrowful. She reaches down and pats both their arms before turning away.
When his mum is out of earshot, Cam exhales. He pauses for a moment, then picks up his fork again. ‘What we saying, on the pain scale?’ Anika half wonders if he’s talking to her or himself.
‘It was fine, right?’ She watches him empathetically.
‘Yeah.’ He ponders. ‘Yeah.’ He meets her eye, the twinkle in them returning. ‘We’re lucky my other aunties aren’t in tonight; there’d probably be talk of hats and churches by now.’
Anika chews a mouthful of food, her smile ambiguous. ‘Would that be so bad?’
Cam arches an eyebrow. ‘Are you about to get down on bended knee? I’m a modern man, you know. Rip up the rule book,beautiful, let’s see what happens, eh?’
They both laugh, then Cam takes a sip of his wine, studying the stem of the glass. Anika looks up from her plate to see his expression has grown more serious again.
‘I think we’re still raw over Zay, even after all this time.’
Anika nods, glad he’s verbalised it. ‘I get that.’
‘The thought of getting close and then losing someone …’ She feels a slight alarm, realising what he might be alluding to.
‘Are we getting close?’ Anika asks softly, a half-smile playing on her lips. Before he can answer, she draws in a breath. ‘I’m not going anywhere, Cam.’
He tilts his chin upwards – a Cam-nod – eyeing her from under his long lashes. ‘Good.’ Straightening, he pats his stomach. ‘Good,’ he says again, an affirmative. ‘True say, you’d never know what you’ve just come out the other side of.’ He smiles at her. ‘But since you have, I know you’ve got super-strength. Dealing with my fam is light work compared to all that.’
Anika nods, returning his smile but feeling a bit on edge. She thinks of Wendy calling her a ‘warrior’ for having pulled through it all, and how hard it made her jaw clench. She thinks of Shameeka getting down on her knees to pray for her, and of the hopeful, worried look that resides in her own mother’s eyes whenever she looks at Anika. They’re all mistaken to think that way – to still think that something could go wrong.
She reaches for Cam’s hand again, suddenly keen to touch him, to centre herself back in the present. Needing it, because she can’t commit to a future if the present feels uncertain.But you have the power now.Anika watches as Cam leans forward and raises her hand to kiss her knuckles.
Yes. I’ll write it all right.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Friday 17th August
It hasn’t exactly been a productive day, but, earlier that evening, Anika was surprised to feel almost no guilt as she waved Cam off to meet up with his boys after a day spent mainly in bed. They’ve given ‘working from home’ a new meaning, that’s for sure. It hardly matters now, given her new job is less than a week away. She’s excited to finally be moving into a role that she’s excited about. The last time that was the case was back at the record shop, but … Settling back under her bedcovers, Anika switches off her light and drifts off into memory.
Eight years earlier
The picture was the first thing to really give Anika pause, though she hardly even registered it at the time. As they began to gather themselves to leave that coffee shop where they’d finally met up, Kwesi had handed a passing waitress his phone and asked if she could take a picture of ‘me and my sister’. The woman was Black – that felt relevant to Anika only in retrospect. The waitress glanced between the two of them, perhaps trying to register the familial similarities as she snapped the photograph. Anika noticed herself tagged on Facebook later that evening, with the same epigraph,Me & My Sister, and lots of messages underneath Kwesi’s post expressing surprise and congratulations. There was one message from one of Kwesi’sclassmates:Thought you’d finally found a bird of a feather, hahahah. We know you’ve been holding out for one.
Kwesi’s response underneath the comment was dismissive, but it made Anika begin to wonder. Was her half-brother seeing her as some kind of access point to ‘Blackness’ after his father’s death? She hated the thought, but it lingered all the same. Was that why he’d been so curious to meet her, so eager to hear about her musical interests and discuss how ‘authentic’ they were? Had he wanted to cosplay – toslumit with her, even?
Don’t be so harsh, she told herself. And yet …
Anika was getting ready for work on the Saturday morning that Kwesi was due to visit her at the record shop when her phone rang with an unfamiliar number. She half expected it to be him on the other end, eagerly confirming his visit, but Anika found herself answering the phone to someone else.
‘Anika? This is Kwesi’s mum. Eloise.’
Anika paused, a thousand different thoughts and memories assailing her mind. ‘Right. Is everything OK?’
‘Yes. Yes, sorry. Um … I hadn’t realised … Look, sorry to be phoning, but Kwesi hadn’t told me he’d been in touch with you. That you’d met up. I spotted it on his Facebook, and so I asked him about it and—’
‘Yes?’ Confusion and irritation blended in Anika’s voice. It took everything she had not to just ask what this woman wanted.
‘Well,’ Eloise continued. ‘I think it’s lovely that you two have been in touch, but I wanted to … Something might come up. I’m not sure how much Kwesi really knows – I think it might have been only once or twice that I had talked about it, when he’d asked about what Nelson had left you both … There’s something I wanted to explain. About the money.’
Anika straightened up from grappling her headphones out of her handbag ready for her commute. ‘What money?’
The other woman’s regretful sigh on the phone was loud. ‘Themoney Nelson had left you.’
