‘One sec, though,’ Shameeka says. ‘I just need to catch Hervé before we go …’ Her friend heads off to where her boss is holding court and Cam spins Anika around before she can make her escape, tightening his arms around her. The embrace feels safe, anchoring. She wraps her arms around his neck, enjoying a couple of jealous looks from a few of the passers-by, and unable to resist making a show of planting a scorching kiss on Cam’s lips. He moans in pleasure, audible even over the DJ now playing some pounding drill music.
‘Jeez. This is very “leave them wanting more”, Ms Lapo,’ Cam says, his voice low, still holding her close to him. He subtly slips his hand down between them, his fingertips grazing against her for a moment through the slippery material of her dress, and she bites her lip. His hand moves away and he pulls her close again. ‘Or, more accurately, absolutely fucking dying to be inside you again as soon as possible.’ His words heat her whole body as he pours them into her ear.
Anika breathes in, trying to compose herself. ‘I want that too,’ she tells him, meaning it way too much. ‘Soon.’ She kisses him more lightly now. ‘Goodnight.’
‘Goodnight, beautiful. Message me when you get in, yeah?’
Anika nods, ignoring a needling, inexplicable concern building within her about the risk of letting him in, letting him care.
‘OK,’ she says quietly. ‘I will.’
Chapter Thirty-Six
Monday 6th August
The next morning, Anika stifles a yawn as she leans on her kitchen counter listening to her boss on the other end of her phone.
‘OK, thanks, Kate. Yep, I will do, thanks. See you tomorrow.’
She ends the call, pleased that shouting over the music last night has given her just the right rasping timbre for calling in sick this morning. Yawning in her old Jimi Hendrix T-shirt, she looks at her phone again as a message from Tina pops up on the screen praising the pictures of last night’s dress that she insisted Anika send her as soon as she woke up. Anika types a message back, letting her friend know she’ll call later for a debrief.
Cannot believe I had to miss it, Tina replies.This ducking job, I swear …
Anika laughs at the autocorrect, sending a duck emoji.
‘Ugh, fucking, fucking, fucking. Which is what I hear you and a certain Mr Asiedu have been up to,’ Tina says in a voice note, emitting an earthy snicker before adding in a sing-song voice, ‘Speak in a bit, hon.’
Anika feels guilty at the way they’ve dropped back into normal correspondence, knowing she owes Tina a proper apology too. Things were muted in the cab she shared with Shameeka last night, but Anika figured they were both tired and thinking about the week ahead. Hopefully things will be back to normal – or better – soon. Especially once they all get used to her newoutlook.
Anika hoped that once she called in to work she would feel more ready for a day on the couch recalibrating, but she’s not sure where to start. Her brain feels like it’s on a rollercoaster. Actually, she’s had this same lightheaded feeling on and off for a while now. Probably a blood-sugar thing that will be resolved by a cup of tea and something delicious to eat.
Setting about figuring out breakfast, Anika remembers another voice note – one she received from Cam at an ungodly hour last night. She pauses in putting a teabag into her cup to listen to the message again. Music still thumps in the background and she can tell he’s holding the phone’s microphone close to his mouth. ‘Anika Lapo … thanks for coming tonight, and smashing your set … Proud’a you … And thanks for looking so fucking sexy that I’m jealous of your bedsheets right now … hmm … Anyway, I’m gonna hit you up tomorrow … Fuck, I’ve got work in four hours! Whose stupid idea was that? Man’s gonna be twisted on the radio …’ He gives a throaty laugh and then the message ends.
Cam clearly took her ‘soak it all in’ advice to heart in all senses. He manages to sound both deliberately composed yet three sheets to the wind, and it makes her smile goofily as she goes back to making her drink. She put her phone on ‘do not disturb’ once she finally crashed into bed last night so managed some uninterrupted sleep, but listening to his message this morning, warmth floods her.
She’s just about to hit replay on Cam’s message when her phone starts to ring in her hand. It’s a number that she hasn’t saved, but she recognises it. The hospital. Anika frowns at her screen as she lets it ring out. The rollercoaster of feeling gooey over Cam’s message, then swooping down into irritation – or maybe concern? – isn’t what she forecast for today in the diary.
She slices up a mango for her breakfast, then strides purposefully through to the living room to locate the diary onthe side table. The mango delicately prickles her tongue with its sweetness and she feels better, flicking to today’s entry as she flops onto the sofa. She scans the page but doesn’t see anything that might cause a slip-up. The usual list of affirmations and failsafes were all there, and it’s not like the hospital call took her by surprise exactly. She even made sure to indicate that she’d give Cam a little breathing room to make sure she didn’t give away just how caught up she’s feeling. As though to test it, she switches on the TV and scrolls through until she finds the digital radio stations. Cam’s breakfast show is on, and as the tail end of a bouncy house tune plays out before Cam’s usual J Dilla instrumental bed kicks back in, his typically good-humoured chatter is notched down by tiredness and what is, undoubtedly, a giant hangover.
‘Mate. That was an energetic-arse song. That is not on my level whatsoever this morning,’ he quips hoarsely, then banters with his producer about how many minutes they have left of the show. ’Twenty-three minutes? Come on, we can do this, crew!’ he shouts, trying to gee himself up, to much laughter from within the studio. Cam reads some more texts out from listeners who are ribbing him for the state he’s in, their excitement over seeing the film palpable as well as their love for the host. Anika pulls up the long list of her anonymous texts to the radio station on her phone and fires off another message, grinning at her screen.
That gravelly voice is getting me hot, Mr Asiedu. Maybe some 2009 Maxwell will soothe you? I hear nostalgia’s all the rage. A. L., SE LDN
As Cam reads through the texts coming in for shout-outs, she can hear a pause as he reaches hers, referencing the playlist from back when they were kids in that laundry room.
‘Er. Rah, A. L. from south-east London …’ The realisation in hisvoice makes her laugh, and he does on the air too. ‘What can I say. Thank you for your message, and er … Yeah, absolutely. Hmm, let me … Yes. Let’s get some Maxwell on, throwing it back to 2009 and slowing things down with “Pretty Wings”. This one’s for you.’
He remembered the song from that night? After a moment, the beautiful track from the soul singer comes through her speakers and Anika sighs softly. Then she smiles, seeing a message directly from Cam pop up on her phone screen.
No fuckin way that’s been you this whole time, Ms Lapo! SMH. I’ll need to be all up in your aura soon. But true say I am absolutely finished. I need to sleep for a week. X
Anika fights the urge to suggest that he come and spend the day sleeping it off – and working it off – in her bed. To be fair, he hasn’t suggested it and Anika tries not to be disappointed. It’s what the diary has dictated, after all.
‘Calm it down, Neeks,’ she says to the empty room, sipping her tea.
The caffeine tugs at her brain and she puts the cup down, her fingers starting to flip the diary’s pages backwards. Instinctively she seeks out anoldentry, from the chunk of her life she recorded from 2005–2009. She’s glad that her teenage yearnings for Cam began just after that period, though it feels almost cosmically strange to almost be picking up right where she left off …
Turning the pages, she finds a date in August that matches today’s, near the end of her teenage years within the diary. As she begins to read the old entry, Anika’s face falls. She reads on anyway, her fingers caressing the words as if she could reach out to her former self. As if to prepare that young girl for what was to come.
