‘It wasn’t … I suppose it just didn’t come up?’
Shamz lets out a guffaw. ‘Er, OK.’ She shakes her head again and Anika sees the muscle in her friend’s jaw work. ‘I just thought we’d have a good night tonight, hang out. Like …’ She blows out a harsh sigh. ‘We almostlostyou, Neeks. I just want a chance to spend some time with my mate like old times, not start learning about brand-new shit that,’ she gestures exasperatedly in the air, ‘you weren’tinterestedin sharing.’
A cloak of ire settles around Anika’s shoulders. ‘It’s not my fault we don’t get time to hang out much any more, babe.’ There’s not-all-that-faint sarcasm in the last word. ‘Things get in the way and we’re not in the same— I mean, you have Mai.’ She gestures to her. ‘You have the baby, you have your big-balls job …’ She can feel Maia’s eyes on her and yields, but only slightly. ‘Look, I’m not saying any of that is bad – of course I’m not. But it’s not me who’s had a specific schedule to work around. I’ve beenabout, do you know what I mean?’ Glancing over her shoulder towardsCam, she turns back and adds, ‘So, yeah, if I’ve got a chance to enjoy myself, to do something that’s just for me that might mean I get some of those things, too, then I’m going to do them, OK? I can’t just stay the same person that I was before all everything happened, and I—’
‘Oh, what, now you’remarryingCam Asiedu and having his babies, yeah? That’s a turn of events. Jeez.’ Shameeka’s tone is edging towards mockery in a way that ignites a spark of real anger in Anika.
‘Fuck off, Shamz. Like, you really do just expect me to stay static, to be …pitiful, don’t you?’
Tina lifts her arms, a palm facing each of her friends. ‘Slow down, you two. Fuck’s sake. Where’s all this coming from?’
Anika isn’t sure. Maybe Shamz has drunk more than she thought? Or maybe it’s been bubbling under for a while. But now that the notion has been articulated, Anika senses its resonance deep within. ‘You want to be the one that’stogetherwhile I’m always several steps behind, right? Like I’m the one who needs you to give me a push all the time. I’m not your kid, Shamz! I’m not on a swing, I’m not always going to come back down. I might stay up. You know?’ She’s breathing hard, looking into Shameeka’s face across the small table. Her friend’s eyes are bulging, incredulous.
‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ Shamz’s voice is hurt, dangerous.
‘I’m different now,’ Anika says, punctuating each word. It’s more of a declaration than anything she’s ever said. ‘I can’t just be the person that says it’s fine, I’m fine, don’t worry about it. Iwantthings. I’m going togetthem. I … I can’t stay in one place.’ Adrenaline is shooting through every vein of her body, like the words are a manifesto. A tiny voice in the back of her brain wants to ask why this means she has to lash out at Shameeka, her friend, who’s always looked out for her … But there’s truthin what she’s saying, too. ‘When I went into hospital, they said I should have been picturing a fuckingfull stopto my life. But I. Said. No.’ She’s looking at all of them now, her hands trembling, hot tears inexplicably dancing in her eyes. Faintly, Anika recalls writing in the diary about honesty, about truth-telling. It’s all tumbling out of her in ways she never expected it to, but so be it. ‘I can’t shake the knowledge that all this can –will– so easily all turn to nothingness. That it will end; it’ll begone. I can’t ignore that, OK? I have to seize everything I can, while I can.’ Her breath is coming out in short puffs and she glances down as Tina gently rests one hand on her arm.
‘OK, Anika. OK.’
She looks at her friend, then around at Maia, and lastly at Shameeka’s horrified, wounded expression. From the corner of her eye Anika sees Cam coming towards her again, oblivious to the blow-up, and she turns quickly and walks towards him, away from them. He seems surprised at her urgency as she grabs his elbow and speeds him towards the exit, pulling him into the lobby that leads to the lifts down to the ground floor.
‘You good?’ he asks quizzically as she jabs rapidly at the call button for the elevator. A sigh of relief escapes her lips as it pings and its doors slide open invitingly.
‘Mmhmm. Yeah.’ She lowers her voice from the octave the word hit. ‘I’m fine. I just need to get out of here.’ Anika steps inside the lift and turns around with an expectant look.
Cam lets out a soft laugh. ‘OK. But it was my idea first, yeah? Some of the production people have apparently booked a table for a late dinner at Rune, round the corner. I was just coming to see if you fancied joining us?’
Anika isn’t even really hungry, but dinner at the Michelin-starred restaurant at least gives her some excuse not to sit alone at home with this manic, strange feeling still surging in her veins. She’d much rather be with Cam. She closes her eyes fora second, picturing her friends trying to absorb all that truth she fired at them, blindsided into slack-jawed silence. Having somewhere to go will stop her from worrying that she has seriously fucked up.
‘Let’s go,’ she says, and Cam steps in just as the lift doors slide shut again.
Chapter Thirty-One
Anika catches her reflection in the sleek lacquered wall at the bottom of the stairs leading into the restaurant. She can just about make out the wild look in her eyes. There’s a hum of chatter and a low pulse of beats coming through the expensive speaker system, and Anika also notices the hostess frostily eye her and her oversized bag. She unthinkingly grabbed her everyday handbag on her way out of the flat before the screening, and she clutches it over one shoulder now, eyeing the woman back. The hostess tucks her long, dark hair behind one ear. ‘Is there anything you’d like to leave with us?’ she asks. Anika would like this woman to leave herattitudeat the door. When Cam declines, she glances again at Anika, then says, ‘Of course. Right this way, then. The rest of your party haven’t yet arrived.’
She deposits them at the large round table in one corner and they both wait for her to offer something more as she begins to turn on her heel. When she doesn’t, Cam clears his throat. ‘Can we grab some drinks menus while we wait?’
The hostess at least has the decency to seem a little chastened. ‘Yes, of course.’ She steps away for a moment, returning with the menus. ‘Some water for the table? Still or sparkling, or …’
Cam nods, replying, ‘Both,’ with an indulgent smile.
Anika finally feels her muscles relaxing as Cam turns to her, flipping open the drinks menu. Even though she has one in front of her, too, he puts it on the table between them and then takes off his suit jacket to hang on the back of his chair. Sheleans in towards him, absorbing the potent warmth of his body and trying to keep her breaths moving evenly. Cam has only got more magnetic with the passing of the years, but, alongside the increasingly heightened sensuality to every interaction with him, Anika feels the deep pull of a heartfelt connection, too. This is nothing like the throwaway sexiness of her encounters with Mo or Hattie. It’s much more. So much it’s almost scaring her, but she also wants to poke at the feelings to see what happens, like the oddly delicious pain of a bruise reminding her she’s alive.
‘Let’s get you something to drink,’ Cam says to her. The masculine, spicy scent of him is heady and as she turns to nod at him, she finds his dark eyes slanting towards her, his face close like he’s reading her thoughts. She’s about to answer him when a voice interrupts.
‘Ah! There you are!’
They don’t spring apart, instead pulling away from one another reluctantly. It seems the rest of their ‘party’ has arrived. Cam gets to his feet to give a tall, dreadlocked man a tight embrace. ‘Brother. It’s nearly time, yeah? Huh!’ the man says, holding Cam away for a moment and shaking him gently, his handsome grin showing straight white teeth.
‘Max, this is Anika,’ Cam says, gesturing downwards and locking eyes with her again. ‘Anika Lapo, this powerhouse is our director and my best mate, Maxwell Lumumba.’
Max takes her hand and kisses the back of it, then winks at Cam. ‘Anika,’ he says with a spoonful of knowing that elicits an affable punch in the arm from his friend.
‘Good to meet you. Amazing job with the film,’ she tells Max sincerely, and he gives her prayer-hands. Cam’s manager, Asante, nods another greeting towards Anika with a smile. He’s pulling out a seat for a mixed-race woman with a shaggy-bob wig cut just above her shoulders and a spray of freckles across her face that in combination make her seem both friendly andsevere. She sits down beside Anika with a quick businesslike smile, and they’re joined by a petite white woman with chic glasses pushed up into her greying hair, and a ruddy-cheeked man in a blue suit with the receding, blonde-highlighted hair of someone attempting to cling to their youth.
‘Here comes the money,’ Cam quips as they all sit down, nodding to everyone else. He claps Asante on his shoulder as seems to be their ritual, and the others all laugh at what Cam said, rather than refute his assertion. ‘Everyone, this is Anika Lapo, an old friend and new partner in crime.’ As he speaks, he runs his palm briefly across Anika’s shoulder blades, in a way that to everyone else would seem nonchalant, but for her is an invitation. A dance move. Hiding the thrill she feels where he’s touched her, Anika greets them all, but, under the table, she edges her crossed leg so that her foot ever so lightly grazes the leg of Cam’s trousers. He’s talking to the man across the table, but she can sense that he feels it, like static sparks.
They all order cocktails and then the blonde man, who Anika learns is Nathan Norton, an investor with a big interest in music, films and ‘the business of Cam Asiedu’, orders a load of tasting platters for the table. The lady with the bob is Una Hayes, the head of the film-production company, and Susan Enticnap, with the glasses in her hair, ‘keeps Nate in line’. Anika isn’t sure what that means, but smiles all the same.
