Cam is clearly trying to stay buoyant and Anika doesn’t want to sink him. She lets out another brief, wry laugh and pops open the tab on her can of Coke. ‘Even though you got my name wrong back thenanddidn’t remember me when we met again. Good to know I’m so memorable.’ Admitting as much out loud still stings. She takes a sip of her drink.
Cam shakes his head. ‘Damn, now I’m not so sure about the impression I made, either.’
‘It’s all good. You changed your name too, I guess.’
He shrugs. ‘Went for something punchier when I got into radio properly.’
They’re quiet for a while and crackles of complication pass between them – that this is what they’re talking about to avoid talking about everything else. She considers a moment. ‘Anika. Anika Lapo,’ she says, holding out her hand.
Cam takes it, holding it still rather than moving it up and down. Anika experiences every cliché about feeling electricity at his touch and tries to keep her breathing even. ‘Kwame Cameron Asiedu,’ Cam replies. ‘And I hear you loud and clear now, Anika Lapo. Trust.’ His next words are slow, sown with meaning. ‘It’s good to see you again.’
‘Is it?’ she asks softly. She’s still grasping his hand, and, eventually, Cam pulls it back to rest both of his forearms on the table, his fingers interlaced in front of him. ‘Look,’ she says on an exhale. ‘I know it’s weird I didn’t explain that I knew you from before. It just felt, like … Tough to bring up, you know?’
‘Sure.’ He shakes his head. ‘This whole thing spun me – I’m not going to lie. When I put the pieces together …’ Memories dart across his features. Anika lifts her hand, keen to reinstate that connection from moments earlier and years before, but thenCam looks away and she leaves it hovering then lets it settle back beside her tray.
‘I … I actually forgot to get cutlery.’ Gesturing to the empty space in front of Cam, she adds, ‘Did you not want anything? Food is customary at lunch,’ with a weak laugh.
He shakes his head as she stands up. His eyes run down her body and back up again, unsubtly checking her out. ‘Uh, I already cleared two sandwiches before you arrived,’ he says. ‘Hazards of waking up at five in the morning.’ He leans back again, patting his stomach, and, although it’s not quite trim and not quite fat, the sight of his dark hand against his middle does something abruptly and inappropriately carnal to Anika. She flicks her gaze away from him and walks away quickly to grab a fork. None of this is as controlled as she wants it to be. It feels dangerous and upsetting, confusing and exciting.Why the hell did I forget to write in the diary?
Returning to the table, she sits back down, still unsure of what to say. As she starts to stab the leaves in her bowl with the fork, Cam is the one to break the silence.
‘This is complicated, innit.’
She fights the urge to say that she’s sorry, thinking of how much she tries to avoid the sentiment in the diary every day. ‘It is.’
Cam blinks his curved eyelashes at her. ‘Tell me about you. You now.’
She’s not sure where to start. ‘Well … “Now” is a strange one. I suppose I’m at a crossroads. A change-point. I still want to achieve all those things we spoke about that night. I feel like I’m only just starting.’ Cam nods. ‘Things have been a bit mad for me lately, healthwise.’ Anika is still looking at her food but senses Cam’s eyebrows knit a little in concern at that. ‘I’m good now,’ she adds, nodding to herself and looking over at him. ‘And what it’s done is shown me a clearer path to becoming everything I want to be. It’s shown me how I can control it.’ She makes aconscious effort to make her voice brighter. ‘Part of it is this new job I’m up for. Like I said, that’s why I wanted to tap you up, to see if my ideas make sense. Obviously you’ve got a feel for the audience at Spin and what the powers-that-be there respond to, right? I think I mentioned, but the job is working on specialist playlisting, podcast ideas, that sort of thing—’
‘You’d be perfect for that.’ Cam leans forward a little.
‘Shame you’re not the one interviewing me then, eh?’
He chuckles, then raises an eyebrow. ‘Who is, though? Maybe I can put in a good—’
‘I want to get this on my own,’ she says quickly.Does manifesting it count as cheating?‘But thank you.’
‘Well, I meant it before. When I said anything you need.’
‘Thank you.’ She feels her face heat and launches rapidly into an explanation of some of the ideas she has, and he gives his thoughts. Eventually, Anika comes to a halt and studies him.
A slow smile spreads on Cam’s lips. ‘What?’ he asks.
‘Nothing, just … if I’m even getting vaguely close to my dreams, then what are you? Like, you’re up in the stratosphere, right? The breakfast show? Thefilm?’ Anika finds herself grinning at him unreservedly and Cam returns it. As their smiles ease, she adds, ‘From what I’ve read, it sounds pretty personal.’ Her words are soft and Cam nods, shifting a little in his seat.
‘Yeah, man. It is.’ He’s speaking quietly too, a slight frown on his face. ‘I spent so long working on the film, trying to make sure I showed how thingscouldhave been, as well as how they ended up.’
He glances at Anika for a moment and she nods, then gives in and rubs the back of his outstretched hand lightly with the tips of her fingers for a second, feeling both nervous and relieved at the touch.
‘Cam, I’m sorry for leaving that night. I wish I had stayed. I know we haven’t really talked about it all fully, but …’
She tails off as Cam pulls back and shakes his head, seeming suddenly frustrated. ‘Anika, you don’t have to—’
A loud, high-pitched voice drops in between them from over Anika’s shoulder, interrupting him.
‘Hey, stranger! You’re here late.’
Anika turns to see Nia carrying a tray and looking between them, her colleague’s smile growing more rigid with each passing moment.
