Then she drifts out of consciousness again, more aware than ever.
Thursday 5th July
‘Good morning, sweetheart! You want another pillow?’ a voice with a Jamaican lilt says. Anika’s eyes fly open to be met with the brown, open face of an older woman – a nurse. ‘You still sleep?’ The woman gives a slight chortle.
Anika blinks, hazy realisation sweeping into her brain. The day after her surgery. The day after her birthday.Still groggy from the anaesthesia.She has a vague recollection of them explaining it would take a while to move out of her system. Her arm lifts passively as the nurse begins taking her blood pressure, nods and then undoes the cuff.
‘Uh … the pillows are fine, thanks,’ Anika says in delayed reply. She feels a slight discomfort in her sides as the nurse checks the drains that are snaking out of her abdomen. The woman’s large bust strains her uniform as she bends down to lift and follow the tubes. Anika’s eyes follow her trajectory and she sees that they conclude in bags hanging on the sides of the bed. The pillows she’s propped up on do feel nice – cool and full. The blankets covering her are white and soft.
‘All right, then,’ the nurse says. ‘Everyt’ing look good. I’ll be back later, OK? Time you have a wash, start moving, eh?’
‘Mmm … yeah,’ Anika says croakily. The general haze of her understanding slowly sharpens into clarity as she remembers her mother arriving yesterday after the surgery, sitting by her bedside as Anika tried to interact with her through a haze of waning anaesthetic and painkillers. Nella immediately kicked into action, pulling strings that seem to have worked. She must have prised open Philip’s wallet to fork out for a room in the private-care wing. Anika feels a weird flash of jealousy at her motherhavinga partner, followed by a further hum of embarrassment as she briefly pictures someone like, say, Cam Asiedu at her bedside, adjusting her pillows and kissing her forehead with concern …
Actually … wait.She draws in a breath, remembering the grip of the pen in her hand as she wrote in the diary the night before her operation. Now here she is, nestled in memory foam and cool cotton, with her own bathroom a few feet away and a flat-screen TV on the wall opposite her bed.A luxury room in theprivate wing of the hospital while I recuperate from the surgery …
What are the odds? As birthday presents go, this was a good one. She’d made it over the line that had been carved through her life. Would it be absurd to hope the rest would come true, too? For now, she decides to just embrace her current good fortune. Picking up the remote, Anika switches on the TV and nestles in. An hour or so later, she’s about to flick over to a classic episode ofFrasierwhen she hears the strains of a dubious two-part-harmony rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ (Stevie’s version, of course) coming towards her from the corridor. Then a giant gold foil ‘3’ pops through the doorframe, followed by an ‘0’. Shameeka and Tina burst in shortly afterwards, and Anika breaks into a laugh at their all-yellow ensembles. Her favourite colour.
‘Happy belated birthday, doll.’ Shamz comes over to kiss and hug her gently. Tina finishes tying the balloons to the end of the bed then does the same.
‘Oh my God, you lot didn’t have to do all this,’ Anika says, gingerly sitting up, then reaching for the button that administers more painkillers into her veins.
‘Well, we had to cancel your big fancy birthday dinner, so this is the least we could do,’ Tina tells her. They hand over a bag of gifts and Anika begins to unwrap them. Some are silly – penis-shaped cupcakes (‘To imminent new dick!’ Tee exclaims, ‘clinking’ one with Anika) – and some really thoughtful, like a silk eye mask for sleeping and pillow spray for calming. But unwrapping the final present, Anika gasps.
‘Gucci sunglasses? The Dapper Dans? Oh my God!’
‘Yes, babes. You deserve!’ Shameeka tells her as Anika puts them on, open-mouthed.
‘Everything’s gonna be Gucci, eh?’ Tina adds, squeezing her hand.
Anika laughs, glad the dark frames hide the tears welling in hereyes.
‘Not sure theyquitego with the hospital gown and these super-fetching circulation socks, but you might be making it work!’ Shamz teases her.
Gathering them in delicately for a couple of selfies on the hospital bed, Anika snaps a few, although she isn’t quite ready to post them publicly to the world (aka her 750 followers). ‘Thank you so much, girls. Honestly.’
They promise to return later with some takeaway if she’s allowed, but Anika lets them know that the only thing she’s really craving is Chicken McNuggets.
‘They said we can’t stay too long today, hon, so we’d better get going.’ Shamz and Tina smother her cheeks with ‘thirty kisses’ before they leave. Both her friends seem to deflate as they step out of the doorway, glancing back at Anika. She can sense the concern they’re both still holding, and she feels it too. As much as she’s elated that the surgery part is over, and that Dr Elachy said it went really well, she’s still aware of how scary the whole experience has been. Maybe how scary it could still be … Things were so close to being snatched away, and that knowledge will always be with her now.
Lifting the blanket and sheet covering her, she cautiously moves her hospital gown aside to look at the thick wads of dressings padding her stomach that are secured with surgical tape. A mystery still lurks beneath them and she’s grateful that the area is numb for now. Her phone starts to buzz on the table beside the bed and Anika reaches for it, and then sees Wendy’s face beaming out from the video call. She spoke to her friend briefly earlier that morning, but then was interrupted by breakfast arriving.
‘Shit, sorry, hon, I forgot to call you back!’ Anika says swiftly when she answers, seeing the lower half of Wendy’s face expelling a plume of white smoke as she lowers her vape penfrom her lips, which are painted a vivid pink. Anika can see the mirrored glass of her friend’s office building behind her in the sunshine.
‘No worries, darling, I’ve popped out for a coffee now anyway – good excuse. How’s it going?’ Wendy’s heels are just about audible clipping along the pavement towards the Caffè Nero a few doors down. ‘Seen the doc yet? Pain still OK?’
‘Not yet this morning. And, yeah, I’ve got this bad boy so it’s all good,’ Anika replies, angling her camera to show the big button of pain relief.
‘God, I could do with one of those after the bloody meeting I just had.’ Wendy walks into the coffee shop. ‘Large flat white, please,’ she says to the barista at the counter, then turns back to Anika. ‘Er, why do you have sunnies on your head, babe? Off out? Things must be going well!’
Anika’s hand reaches up to where she pushed the Gucci shades into the ragged bun she twisted her braids into. ‘Oh! Hah. No, Shameeka and Tina were just here – these are a birthday present from them. Sick, right?’ She models them for a moment before taking them off. Wendy maintains a smile that turns subtly more rigid at the mention of Shamz and Tina. They only met on occasion, mainly at birthday celebrations for their mutual friend, and Anika suspects there’s a little bit of jealousy on Wendy’s part. But Wendy is an enduring figure in her life, even if their relationship is something different to what she shares with her other friends.
Anika still remembers walking into the kitchen in her university halls on her second night and seeing Wendy swearing at the electric stovetop, desperately trying to heat up hot water for a cup of tea in a small beaten-up saucepan.
‘Bloody boil, you cunt!’ she shouted, then swivelled around as Anika cleared her throat, trying not to laugh. She was holding a Sainsbury’s budget-range kettle, still in its box, and heldit out wordlessly to her new corridor-mate, whose pale grey eyes widened. ‘Oh. My. God. You are anactualangel!’ Wendy rushed over and hugged Anika tightly, stinking of wine and cigarettes and a sweet perfume – the mingled scent that would soon become a signature of Anika’s first year at university and beyond. A bond formed instantly, built on a shared love of action movies, drunken student nights, fervent dissections of tentative hook-ups, and some unexplainable but true connection between the two of them.
‘I’ve got something for you, too,’ Wendy tells Anika now, balancing her phone on a pastry display case while she pays for her coffee. ‘Work’s been utterly hectic but I’m going to come and see you, definitely by the weekend if not before. I’m just glad I get to see your face right now. Oh, hang on … Ugh, fuck, that’s my office on call waiting. I’ve got to go, darling. I’ll speak to you later, all right?’ Wendy puckers a kiss into the screen. ‘Love you!’
‘Love you too, hon. Speak soon.’ Anika hangs up and sighs, turning back to the television as the room finally settles into quiet. After she has some lunch, which, although an upgrade from the other ward, she can still only have a few bites of due to the medication, she dozes off into sleep, welcoming the relief of leaving her active thoughts behind.
