He looked at me, his glance gliding over my face. Almost like he was trying to memorize me, and I had a moment of panic that he was going to end it.
Finally he sighed heavily and said, “My mom’s doing great, like I said. She’s going to stay in rehab another month. I’m having legal documents drawn up that make me a legal guardian for Andy if she’s not able to…parent.”
“Oh…wow…okay, that is a lot going on. And here I am just worried about that stupid ‘who am I’ paper.”
He reached across the table, taking my hand in his. “That’s all youshouldbe worried about, Lily. Papers and studying and where the next party’s at. You don’t need to hear about guardianships and rehab and all the other shit going on with me.”
I entwined my fingers with his, both our wrists resting on the table. “I’m not dealing with it, you are. I just want to be a supportive girlfriend and allow you to, I don’t know, vent or whatever, when you need to. You don’t need to…shield me from your life, Lucas. I care about what’s going on in your world, even if I can’t help, or even understand it sometimes.”
He smiled and the tension eased from my chest. Then his smile turned to that dirty grin and I reached for my purse and jacket.
* * *
I heldhim in my arms while he was still inside me, staring down at me, his hair falling along the sides of his face.
Jane had volunteered to stay in Syd’s room, in Megan’s deserted bed, so Lucas and I could have the room for the whole night, it being such a rare thing.
And we’d taken advantage of it, tearing our clothes off and going at it as soon as we’d entered the room.
But then we’d taken our time, touching and smiling and gazing at each other before Lucas had taken me so tenderly and sweetly, that it brought tears to my eyes.
“Hey,” he whispered, “why the tears?” His thumb wiped away the moisture from my cheeks.
“That was just…wonderful. I’m just happy, that’s all.”
He exhaled what sounded like relief. “Oh, okay. Happy tears I can deal with. Happy tears are good.”
I wrapped my arms tighter around him and he moved off me, to his side, rolling me with him. I hitched a leg up to his hip so he stayed inside me.
“Happy tears are very, very good,” I agreed, kissing him.
We lay like that for a while. At some point he slid out of me and I readjusted myself to put my head on his chest, his arm firmly around me, his other hand resting on my hip.
We’d both set our phone alarms for six—so there was no chance we could sleep through just one—when Lucas would have to get up to be home for Andy, and to relieve Mrs. Jankowski.
I could feel myself starting to doze into a sweet oblivion when Lucas said, “Are you still awake,” in a soft whisper.
“Yes.”
“Turn on the lamp for a sec.”
I reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. “What? Do you need to get up?” I started to slide out of the small bed, but he stopped me with a hand on my waist, pulling him back to him.
“No, I don’t need to leave. I wish I never had to leave.”
I smiled, burrowing into him, kissing his neck, loving the feel of his five o’clock shadow. “I don’t want you to.”
“But I need to tell you something.”
I looked up into his eyes. “Yes?” I cautiously said.
He took my face in his hands. “I love you, Lily Spaulding. I have no idea what my future holds. Hell, I’m not even sure what the next month holds. But I am deeply…deeply…in love with you.”
“Lucas,” I whispered, and softly kissed him. “I love you too.”
“You do? Because you don’t have to say it just because—”
“Shhhh,” I said, my finger on his mouth, which I replaced with my lips for another kiss. “I mean it. I love you.”
