“That’s just it. That’s what I’m trying to say…badly. There were no other girls where I felt like this. Wondering where they were, what they were doing. And not in a stalker kind of way. But because I really cared where you were, what you were thinking, what you were feeling. It’s all different with you, Lily, and…and…I don’t really know what I’m doing.” He sat forward, his arms once again resting on his knees. But this was not a relaxed pose; he was leaning toward me. He put a hand out as if to touch my knee, then pulled it back. “So, bear with me, okay?” he whispered.
“Okay,” I whispered back, with no hesitation.
I would bear with Lucas. And, I suspected, very shortly be bare with him, too.
Chapter14
He movedto the edge of the bed, then dropped to his knees on the floor in front of me. He placed his hands carefully on my knees, gently, as if I might bolt with a sudden movement.
I wasn’t going anywhere.
I placed my hands on top of his. He turned his up so we were palm to palm.
“Remember what I said to you that first night? Right outside this building?” he said, looking up at me.
I did and nodded, but I waited, wanting him to repeat it. Wanted him to deny it, take it back.
“I’m not what you need,” he said, echoing his own words.
I hadn’t answered him that night, but now I said, “Don’t I get to decide what I need?”
“And do you? Do you need…this? Us? Me? God, I want to be. I want to be what you need.” Pulling his hands from under mine, he wedged them between the back of my knees and the chair, rolling it closer to him. I instinctively spread my legs so that the chair slid right against his chest.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Yes, what?” he said, his voice low and throaty.
Excitement rushed through me. My body, tingling since I’d seen him, moved to fever pitch.
“I need…us.” I slid to the edge of the chair, my legs dangling down at his sides. My ballet flats fell off my feet with a subtle movement. I heard them plunk softly on the carpeting like the sound was a million miles away. Everything was a million miles away, except Lucas right in front of me.
“I need…to kiss you,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I moved off the chair first, or he pulled me, but I was straddling his lap, my hands in his hair and my mouth on his.
He tasted like sweet coffee and I drove my tongue into his mouth, nearly frenzied with wanting to taste him.
He sensed my urgency, and wrapped his arms tightly around me, his hands going to my hair. In seconds, he had released my bun. I moved away from the kiss, his face following mine. He opened dazed eyes, watching to see if I had changed my mind.
No way in hell had I changed my mind. I wanted Lucas with an intensity I’d never felt before.
It was like a physical craving, like when you needed salty chips or chocolate. It was what had always been missing with other guys I dated. It had definitely been missing with the one boyfriend I’d slept with.
Craving. I craved Lucas. Probably like he had craved Oxy.
Who knows, it might be just as dangerous.
I took my hands from his silky tresses and ran my fingers through my own loose hair, lifting it, playing with it. Like some skanky pole dancer, but Lucas’s eyes grew wider and the bulge that I sat on grew bigger. Taking the stripper analogy a bit further, I ground on him, saying a silent thank-you for the thin fabric of my leggings.
He hissed, “Jesus Christ, Lily,” then his mouth was devouring mine again. He grabbed both my hands in one of his and lowered them from my hair, but kept them behind my back. Like he was arresting me or something.
He moved back to rest on his haunches, taking me with him, the contact now even more direct. I ground harder, needing so much more of him.
“I know, baby,” he whispered. “We’ll get there. I promise.” Then he kept on kissing me.
I wanted my hands free to touch his magnificent body. But I also liked being held back like this, having no control. Because that was how I’d felt from the moment I first saw Lucas—that I wasn’t in control of my own feelings. And certainly not in control of my body.
“Lucas,” I moaned into his mouth. “I need…”
He tipped me, brought me down onto my back on the floor, releasing my arms as he did, and following me to the carpet. My legs spread wide for him, giving him the space to be where I needed him.
