“Oh, shit,” Syd said, getting off her bed and crossing the small room to sit next to me. She placed a warm hand on my back, rubbing it. “Sorry, Lily, that sucks.”
On some level I was glad Jane had been on the phone and that Syd was available. Jane would not have the sympathy and comfort Syd did. Which is surprising, since Syd is a pretty tough chick herself.
“Yeah,” I said, “it does kind of suck.”
“Of course it does,” she said, now rubbing her hand up and down my back in a motion that made me really miss my mother.
“What a douche,” she added, reminding me nothing of my mother.
“But that’s the thing,” I said, sitting up, crossing my legs, and facing Syd. “I don’t think he is…a douche.”
“Is your barometer trustworthy?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. I always thought so.” I had always been pretty dead-on with the guys I’d dated in the past. I knew which ones had the potential for jerkery, and was proven right most times. I also seemed to sense truly good guys, and had not been proven wrong on that front yet.
But maybe Lucas was my first major misread.
I shrugged again. “Who knows? I guess Schoolport douches read differently on my barometer than the Maryland ones I’m used to.” I smiled, trying to make light of my words.
Syd went along with the facade. “Well, I can’t speak for the Schoolport locals, not having met them, but Iknowthe Bribury boys’ douchery is much more polished than that of the guys in Queens. Maybe you just need to recalibrate your mechanism?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
She pushed herself from the bed and went to her desk and picked up her phone. “Let’s put some feelers out for the best parties this weekend. You just need one good hookup to get your mind off this guy.” I didn’t ask whom she was texting. Syd had networked a lot more than I had during our time at Bribury.
I let her do her thing, and didn’t disagree with her, though I didn’t have much faith in what she said.
I slept in the next morning, not having Montrose’s class until eleven. I skipped going to the caf for breakfast with Jane, just having an apple and a cup of coffee from the room.
I considered blowing off class altogether, but that felt like self-pity and I didn’t want to give Lucas that much power over my actions.
As I left the dorm, I heard, “Lily?” from a voice that zoomed through my body, sending sparks of awareness and self-protection.
Lucas stood to the side of the doors, leaning against one of the pillars that held up the overhang. He had his phone out, his fingers poised, as if he stopped mid-text when he saw me.
“I was just texting you,” he said.
“Why?” I said. There must have been more anger in my voice than I realized, given the way Lucas’s eyes widened.
“I…I was hoping we could talk.”
“What about?” Less anger this time, more curiosity.
“I just wanted to explain why I haven’t called or texted.”
“I’m on my way to class.”
He nodded, stepping away from the pillar, walking slowly toward me. “Yeah, sure. I get that. Maybe later.”
Sometimes you have moments when you justknowyou’re at a fork in the road. That whatever you say or do next will decide something major in your life. Maybe I was being too dramatic, but I justknewthat if I didn’t talk with Lucas right now, there would be no hope for us.
The real question was: did I want there to be hope for us?
“I can skip class,” I said. “My room’s empty, let’s go up there.”
“Really?” he asked. I gave one small nod, then turned and returned into the dorm, Lucas at my side.
We rode the elevator up to the third floor in silence, but he stood very close to me. When we exited the elevator and I turned to the right, Lucas took my hand and held it as we made our way down the hall. It was warm and rough and damn, but it felt so right.
