“And my favorite student! You did a great job today, Andy. I think next time you’ll be able to float on your back without me holding you. Think so?”
He nodded his head, not quite enthusiastically, but not wanting to disappoint Lily, either.
Smart kid. I could tell him that disappointing Lily was one craptastic feeling.
“Can I talk with you for a minute?” she asked me. It was the first time she’d looked directly at me since I’d left her dorm room Saturday morning. Only four days ago, and yet an eternity. A lifetime.
“Of course,” I said. We walked down the hall to one of the empty classrooms—the same one where she’d been upset about not having enough substance to write a paper on the person she was.
What a load of shit. She had more substance at eighteen than most forty-year-olds I knew.
“Andy, want to draw on the chalkboard while I talk with Lily for a second?” I said. He gave me a questioning look. Probably wondering if we were going to discuss his progress. “It’s not about swim lessons. It’s about something else.”
His face turned to smug and knowing, and he nodded and turned, entering the classroom. I watched to make sure he was fine with drawing, then I shut the door. There was a window in it, so I’d be able to keep an eye on Andy as we stood in the deserted hallway. There wasn’t much trouble he could get into in the old classroom, anyway.
“Lily,” I said, then cleared my throat. Too much emotion was welling up and I wanted to be able to say my piece—state my case, such as it was—as objectively as I could.
“I said from the beginning I’m not what you need, Lily. But, God, I want to be. I want to try to be exactly what you need.”
“Lucas—”
“And I know it sounds like bullshit, but you have to know I would never have stolen that car if there weren’t…extenuating circumstances.”
“Stick told me why you needed the money.”
I nodded, panic rising in me. I so did not want to be the guy who made excuses for his mistakes. I wouldn’t tell her that the car belonged to George Bell, Andy’s father. What difference would it make, anyway? “Yeah. And, well, you just need to know that I realize what a stupid move it was, and in no way am I back in that life. I meant what I said to you…that’s all in the past.”
“I know,” she said. No challenging, no questioning. And yet there was such a sadness in her voice that I knew it didn’t matter what I said.
She was done with me. And I didn’t blame her.
“Well…I don’t know that there’s anything left to say,” I said, hoping—praying—I was wrong.
“Lucas, you need to know that, although we can’t see each other anymore, it’s not because of what you did Saturday night. Or at least not whatIthink about what you did.”
What did that mean? On one hand she seemed to understand that George’s Jag was a one-time deal and very—very—bad judgment on my part. It raised a glimmer of hope within me.
But she’d led with “even though we can’t see each other anymore.” Which were the words I had expected to hear today. And yet they still cut like a surgeon’s scalpel.
“Whatisthe reason we can’t see each other?” But I was starting to guess. Grayson Spaulding was some kind of genius political strategist, and there was no way he was going to lift a finger unless there was something in it for him. “Your father,” I said, so she wouldn’t have to.
She nodded. She looked up at me, and I could see the tears starting to gather in her beautiful eyes. “You need to know that I think you’re exactly what I need. That I’ve never needed…never wanted…anyone like I have you.”
“And I let you down.”
She was shaking her head a little too emphatically. “No. You did what you felt you had to. It wasn’t the right choice, but I can see how you felt it was the only choice.” She swallowed, looking away for a second, then looked straight at me—as always, taking my breath away. “And I did too. Made the choice I felt was the right one.”
I nodded. If she’d given me the choice Saturday night—stay in jail, incur a record that would jeopardize Andy’s stability, or lose Lily—I probably would have made the same choice.
And it would have killed me as much as it was killing Lily.
I pulled her into my arms just as her tears spilled over. She clutched at me, and I wrapped her so tight I wasn’t sure either of us would be able to breathe.
“Oh, Lucas,” she said, her words muffled by my hoodie as she buried her head in my chest.
“You did the right thing. It sucks, and it’s my fault. But…thank you. Thank you so much, Lily.”
“Jane said I should just keep seeing you on the sly.” She lifted her head from my chest, and looked up at me. The pain in her eyes rivaled mine, and I wished like hell I could take it for her. Bear it all myself. She sniffled and gave her head a tiny shake. “But I gave my word, you know? I can’t go back on that. It was a deal I willingly made.”
