I nodded, ate a couple of my fries. They were extra greasy, just how I liked them.
“Recently?”
“No. I went on it last year.”
He was taking this in, and I realized that I probably could have saved him some worrying since that night in the pool. But then, he hadn’t told me he’d been worried, had he?
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything after that night in the pool. Honestly, it didn’t occur to me.” I went to touch him again, but he’d moved both hands to his sides, beneath the table. “I’m sorry you’ve been worrying about it all this time.”
He looked a little embarrassed. “I wasn’t. Worrying about it since then. I thought about it after you left, but then…with everything else that’s going on, I didn’t think about it again until just now for some reason. I’m glad you’re protected, that we’re covered.”
“What’s the ‘everything else that’s going on’?”
He shrugged, looking out the window of the restaurant to the streets of Schoolport. “Nothing for you to worry about. It’ll work itself out.”
“Hey,” I said, gently but with some firmness in my voice. I waited until he looked away from the window and met my eyes. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”
He looked at me, his glance gliding over my face. Almost like he was trying to memorize me, and I had a moment of panic that he was going to end it.
Finally he sighed heavily and said, “My mom’s doing great, like I said. She’s going to stay in rehab another month. I’m having legal documents drawn up that make me a legal guardian for Andy if she’s not able to…parent.”
“Oh…wow…okay, that is a lot going on. And here I am just worried about that stupid ‘who am I’ paper.”
He reached across the table, taking my hand in his. “That’s all youshouldbe worried about, Lily. Papers and studying and where the next party’s at. You don’t need to hear about guardianships and rehab and all the other shit going on with me.”
I entwined my fingers with his, both our wrists resting on the table. “I’m not dealing with it, you are. I just want to be a supportive girlfriend and allow you to, I don’t know, vent or whatever, when you need to. You don’t need to…shield me from your life, Lucas. I care about what’s going on in your world, even if I can’t help, or even understand it sometimes.”
He smiled and the tension eased from my chest. Then his smile turned to that dirty grin and I reached for my purse and jacket.
* * *
I heldhim in my arms while he was still inside me, staring down at me, his hair falling along the sides of his face.
Jane had volunteered to stay in Syd’s room, in Megan’s deserted bed, so Lucas and I could have the room for the whole night, it being such a rare thing.
And we’d taken advantage of it, tearing our clothes off and going at it as soon as we’d entered the room.
But then we’d taken our time, touching and smiling and gazing at each other before Lucas had taken me so tenderly and sweetly, that it brought tears to my eyes.
“Hey,” he whispered, “why the tears?” His thumb wiped away the moisture from my cheeks.
“That was just…wonderful. I’m just happy, that’s all.”
He exhaled what sounded like relief. “Oh, okay. Happy tears I can deal with. Happy tears are good.”
I wrapped my arms tighter around him and he moved off me, to his side, rolling me with him. I hitched a leg up to his hip so he stayed inside me.
“Happy tears are very, very good,” I agreed, kissing him.
We lay like that for a while. At some point he slid out of me and I readjusted myself to put my head on his chest, his arm firmly around me, his other hand resting on my hip.
We’d both set our phone alarms for six—so there was no chance we could sleep through just one—when Lucas would have to get up to be home for Andy, and to relieve Mrs. Jankowski.
I could feel myself starting to doze into a sweet oblivion when Lucas said, “Are you still awake,” in a soft whisper.
“Yes.”
“Turn on the lamp for a sec.”
