“Oh, you know,” Syd said casually. “Nothing the two of you weren’t probably doing. A little fumbling below clothes is all. I started to give him a hand job, but he wanted a blowie and I just wasn’t into him enough to make the effort.”
Jane nodded as if agreeing, then rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. “Damn, I was so close to bagging Montrose. I would have totally givenhima blowie.”
I felt Syd stiffen next to me. She knew Jane’s story, and must have realized what a colossal fuck-up Jane blowing her prof would be. Especially if people were around and saw them leave together.
The kids our age at Bribury were too young to know who Jane was, or know her story. But those people at that club last night were probably old enough to put it together. Hell, it’s a wonder Montrose didn’t know who she was.
Maybe he did.
“Jane, just how much time did you spend with Montrose last night?”
“Clearly not enough,” Jane said, pouting.
“Yeah, but before we got there? Were you, like,withhim? With the group he was with?”
“Who was he there with?” Syd asked, asking a question I didn’t care about. I wanted to know what Jane had done.
“Relax. No pictures are on anybody’s phones.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I didn’t get that close to him, okay?” she said, a bit embarrassed. “I tried to get him to dance with me, but he turned me down. Totally ignored me.”
Syd’s body relaxed, as did my fear. And I knew I wouldn’t need to tell my father about Jane’s night of clubbing.
But I knew I wouldn’t have anyway. I knew I was stepping away from my father’s every command, becoming my own person.
I suppose that’s what college is about…becoming your own self, shedding who you were.
Again I wondered if that was what Lucas was to me—a way to rebel, a way to test myself, a way to move away from the hold my parents had on me.
And yet Lucas didn’t feel like a rebellion. He felt like comfort and safety, even though I knew the life he led, and the world he lived in, were anything but safe and comfortable.
I just knew what I felt for him was beyond the way he made my body tremble when he put his hands on me, or the way his eyes burned into mine just before he kissed me.
After hearing his story last night, all he’d gone through, how he’d turned his life around after the Oxy, and was now taking care of Andy while his mother got clean…I had thought it before, but now I knew I was in deep with Lucas.
I had looked forward to doing the casual hookup thing that was so prevalent here at Bribury. Nobody actuallydated. You “talked,” you “hooked up,” you “hung out,” and it was all good. You were able to meet lots of people that way, with no expectations, and no hurt feelings.
Certainly with no wasted Sundays waiting for someone to call.
And I had wanted that, had embraced the casual culture after coming from a high school that was all about traditional “going out” coupling.
But now…now I just wanted the damn phone to ring.
“Why don’t you just call him?” Jane said, as if she could read my mind.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” I lied. “He’s got to work later tonight, anyway. We kept it casual.”
Jane snorted at that. Syd reached a hand behind herself and patted my hip.
We sat in comfortable silence for a while, until Jane said again, almost to herself, “I was so close to gettin’ with Montrose.”
“Give it a rest,” Syd said in a lazy voice. She was nearing sleep, and I wished I could doze into a nap like that. But no, I lay quietly next to Syd, praying for my phone to buzz.
But it never did.
Chapter12
