Chapter30
Nobody had ever meta woman like Sydney Cassidy.
Same opening line I’d read two months ago, except then it had been Esel. When Jane told me about Billy’s book deal I’d briefly wondered if he’d gone with Esme or Rachel, or something else entirely.
He’d chosen Sydney.
My head snapped up to find Billy staring at me. “Why?” I asked.
He put the paper he’d been reading down on the couch and rose, then walked over to the front of the desk, putting his hands down and leaning over so that he was at my eye level, the desk between us.
The desk, and a whole lot of other shit stood between us.
“Do you remember the conversation about my character being Salinger’s Esme?”
“Yes,” I said. It had been the first of many conversations about his characters. “Vaguely.”
“You described her as, and I quote, ‘Practical. Unsentimental. Wise beyond her years. Very matter-of-fact. And yet you know she’s going to rip your heart out.’ Sound like anyone we both know?”
“I…I…” I was speechless and by his smile, he knew it.
He leaned a little further across the desk. Still not touchable from where I sat, but maybe if I scooted—“I didn’t write you, Syd, but your name fits this character. To a tee. And it was a name I wanted around me always.” He pointed to his book. “It’s not carved in stone, but it will definitely be in print and on bookshelves.”
I ran his words (my words, actually) through my head. “ButIdidn’t ripyourheart out,” I said.
He put both his hands over his heart, white and stark against the black of his T-shirt. “From the first, you ripped my heart out. I’m just so sorry I did the same to you.”
He took a step back away from the desk and I held my breath. Was he going to go back to his couch and start reading again? Was I supposed to just thank him for naming a character after me and return to work? Did knowing his heart was broken like mine help?
“Did you even really need me to proofread?” I asked.
He smiled, but it was small and faint. “No. I just wanted you to see it before it came out. It was true that I’m not supposed to let it out of my possession, so this seemed like a good way to get you here.”
Oh. So I wouldn’t be spending torturous hours only steps away from the man I loved but who didn’t love me back. I held back a sob, cleared my throat and said as I rose from my chair, “Oh, okay. Well, it was a lovely gesture, thank you.”
A look of panic came across his face. “No. No, I didn’t… Shit, I messed this up.” I was rounding the desk now and he took a step over to stand in my way. “Syd,” he said, and started to reach for me, when a knock came at the door.
His hands dropped back to his sides. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he murmured and left me standing in confusion as he went to open the door.
“We’re here to move your stuff,” came a voice from the other side of the door once Billy had opened it. From my angle I couldn’t see the man.
“Now? This isn’t a really good time,” Billy said.
“This is when we were scheduled to be here.”
Billy ran his hand through his hair. “I know. Well, I forgot actually, but yeah. Can you give me a few minutes at least?”
A pause, then, “We can do the office next to you first, but then we need to do this one. That’s all for this floor.”
“Thanks. Yeah, okay. I just need a few minutes is all,” Billy said.
“It’ll take us about forty-five to get the other office done, if that.” Billy was nodding and thanking the man again. “Office two-thirty-three? That’s the one you’re moving to?” the man added.
“Yeah, I guess,” Billy said. “I know it’s two down from Corrine Patterson’s.”
“Yep, that’s it. Okay, see you shortly,” the man said and Billy thanked him again, then closed the door. He put his hand against the wall and took a deep breath, then turned back to me.
“What’s going on?” I asked. “They’re not here to move your stuff to New York?”
