It wasn’t about the money for me, it never had been. I just wanted to be able to write. But the way publishing worked, the bigger the advance, the bigger the push a publisher made, protecting their investment. And I wanted this book to do well. Ego. Pride. Professional preservation. Whatever. It was very important to me thatDown in Flamesbe read.
“Okay, I’m going to call Adina tomorrow morning and tell her we’re sending it to her. And that we’re offering her the chance at a preempt.”
“You’re not going to read it first?”
“Normally, yes, but I’ve had her salivating since we had lunch weeks ago, so I’ll read it while she does.”
“Okay,” I said.
“It’s good, right? Strong? Do you think Ishouldread it before I send it to her?”
I thought for a second. Thought about the hours I spent deconstructing Syd’s flower of ideas. Everything had clicked after that. Her combination ofGangster’s ProvidenceintoFlameswas startling with how well it fit. It had been there all along, I realized, I’d just been too close to see it.
But Syd saw it. And had the guts to show it to me, even after getting involved before had turned me into a complete asshole and cost us a valuable month of our time together.
“Yes,” I said to Nora, no doubt in my voice. “It’s strong. It’s good.”
“Okay then, I’ll let you know what I hear in a few days.”
“Okay. And hey, if she passes on it completely she’ll be discreet right? I mean, word won’t get out that myFollyeditor passed on my second book?”
“I thought you said it was good? Strong. Why would she pass? I can see not meeting our number, but passing completely? Not going to happen.”
“Okay…”
“Jesus, you authors. So talented and yet so…” She caught herself. We had a good relationship, Nora and I, but she probably knew better than to call me out on my bullshit.
“Insecure? Neurotic? Completely self-absorbed?” I offered up the choices for her. All being completely accurate. At least for me.
“Yeah, that,” she said laughing. “Okay, more later.”
“Okay,” I said.
“And Billy?”
“Yes?”
“Have some champagne chilling.”
I hung up and thought about maybe taking her advice and getting a bottle of bubbly in case good news came. At the very least I could toast typing “The End” for the first time in alongtime.
And then I thought about not being able to celebrate with Syd. And about the fact that she hadn’t even read the completed manuscript, made possible by her brilliant ideas.
It wouldn’t be the same. Nothing would be the same for a long time.
I crossed champagne off my mental grocery list, pushed my laptop aside and pulled over a pile of papers to grade.
Chapter27
Syd
I was standingin front of Billy as he sat behind his desk. I’d received notification from my bank that morning that a direct deposit had been made. May first. My last paycheck, even though I’d finished the work a month ago.
And had finished with Billy six weeks ago.
At first it had been torturous. Never having told Lily and Jane about Billy in the first place, I couldn’t turn to them to help me heal. So, I did what healed me all those years ago. I read. And read. And read some more. Basically anytime I wasn’t in class, working or studying, I escaped into different fictional worlds, until I was finally able to see that spring had fully arrived on the Bribury campus, and that life would go on.
But I needed to wrap things up with Billy. I didn’t want to leave it as we had. I’d texted him that I’d like to stop by his office for a quick word and he’d agreed.
